The repeating myself part: I say things once make sure he heard it and then just leave him to it, but he gets nothing til it's done (no tv, no breakfast, also I've started taking my sweet time with helping him with his stuff and telling him why). So for instance last week I told him to get ready to go to the movies and he left it to the very last minute to get dressed Isabel, Ben and I had driven off down the road when he finally came out of the house running after us screaming (dh was home) I stopped the car but made him walk the whole way to the car (only a few hundred yards but he hates walking and it was about a hundred degrees) I was fully prepared to leave him behind with dh and Joe knew it.

I removed every single app off his iPod except Rocket math and Teach Me 2nd Grade which has drastically reduced how much he uses it, which in turn has improved his attitude. I told him he can earn them back one by one but his behaviour has to be exemplary - he has yet to earn any back though.

The making B scream bit is both of their fault, Isabel winds him up relentlessly but hasn't been getting in trouble for it because she does it quietly and by being nice to him, or by looking over his shoulder while he is doing something. So she will start it by telling him she loves him quietly and nicely over and over til he cracks and pushes her or calls her a name which then makes her scream. Now when this sort of thing happens they both get punished, whereas before it would be him because he had taken it to drama level.

Mostly I think its helped that i'm trying my best to stay calm and I refuse to say things more than once now. I let him see the consequences of him not listening.

And it's still not perfect but it is vastly better round here.