s/o kidnapping-what are you telling your kids?

3s_a_crowd · Guru

RE: s/o kidnapping-what are you telling your kids?

Lizzy · Guru

Laura...I am SO sorry that happened to you. did you ever see him again? I was molested by my friend's father and like you, was so ashamed (like it was my own fault - I walked home through the back alleys b/c I thought i was dirty and people could tell it had happend. I think i was around 10) for me, that was an eye-opening experience. I think that I would notice all sorts of things after that and was much more cautious. i did not go back over there or tell anyone until much later. My poor friend though - I am pretty sure he molested her too. she was his step-daughter and ended up pregnant at 15. :(

Lizzy · Guru

Corey wrote:
i have brought this up numerous times. my parents live in senior housing where home businesses are not allowed so six years ago i told my father he could run his business out of our basement until he retired (in 2 years) thinking connor would only be 2 and not alone at that point, etc. well, he never retired. so we have randoms here often, which i hate, but at this point i know it will end up in a huge family battle if i tell him he needs to leave.
anyways, despite having talked about it a ton, my kids still opened the front door to two solicitors yesterday while i was in the shower. i walked into the hallway in a towel and saw them on the front steps and went ape shit on my kids screaming "what are you thinking opening the door to strangers. shut the door!" needless to say the solicitors left. then i got dressed and drove around until i found them so i could ask them why they were at my house (b/c i'm crazy like that).
afterwards connor said "mom, i just trust in people." :(

I would have been furious too, corey and yeah, the solicitors should have known better too!!

Just a few weeks ago, we had some guys come to the door and I had the worst feeling ever about them - it was just terrible. I wouldn't let ivy come to the door at all. I was so afraid. I couldn't really explain the feeling to don other than say that I had a "feeling" (he didn't understand).

daisy · Guru

Lizzy wrote:
Corey wrote:
i have brought this up numerous times. my parents live in senior housing where home businesses are not allowed so six years ago i told my father he could run his business out of our basement until he retired (in 2 years) thinking connor would only be 2 and not alone at that point, etc. well, he never retired. so we have randoms here often, which i hate, but at this point i know it will end up in a huge family battle if i tell him he needs to leave.
anyways, despite having talked about it a ton, my kids still opened the front door to two solicitors yesterday while i was in the shower. i walked into the hallway in a towel and saw them on the front steps and went ape shit on my kids screaming "what are you thinking opening the door to strangers. shut the door!" needless to say the solicitors left. then i got dressed and drove around until i found them so i could ask them why they were at my house (b/c i'm crazy like that).
afterwards connor said "mom, i just trust in people." :(
I would have been furious too, corey and yeah, the solicitors should have known better too!!
Just a few weeks ago, we had some guys come to the door and I had the worst feeling ever about them - it was just terrible. I wouldn't let ivy come to the door at all. I was so afraid. I couldn't really explain the feeling to don other than say that I had a "feeling" (he didn't understand).

i had this feeling too back when R was a baby and i was having the carpets cleaned - i was sick to my stomach and was on the phone with my sister, and wouldnt let her hang up till they were gone - i was a WRECK. she had another line available to call 911 for me. sometimes there really is that feeling.

tracey - i know - what happened in brooklyn, i cant even type it here.

Lizzy · Guru

daisy wrote:
Lizzy wrote:
Corey wrote:
i have brought this up numerous times. my parents live in senior housing where home businesses are not allowed so six years ago i told my father he could run his business out of our basement until he retired (in 2 years) thinking connor would only be 2 and not alone at that point, etc. well, he never retired. so we have randoms here often, which i hate, but at this point i know it will end up in a huge family battle if i tell him he needs to leave.
anyways, despite having talked about it a ton, my kids still opened the front door to two solicitors yesterday while i was in the shower. i walked into the hallway in a towel and saw them on the front steps and went ape shit on my kids screaming "what are you thinking opening the door to strangers. shut the door!" needless to say the solicitors left. then i got dressed and drove around until i found them so i could ask them why they were at my house (b/c i'm crazy like that).
afterwards connor said "mom, i just trust in people." :(
I would have been furious too, corey and yeah, the solicitors should have known better too!!
Just a few weeks ago, we had some guys come to the door and I had the worst feeling ever about them - it was just terrible. I wouldn't let ivy come to the door at all. I was so afraid. I couldn't really explain the feeling to don other than say that I had a "feeling" (he didn't understand).
i had this feeling too back when R was a baby and i was having the carpets cleaned - i was sick to my stomach and was on the phone with my sister, and wouldnt let her hang up till they were gone - i was a WRECK. she had another line available to call 911 for me. sometimes there really is that feeling.
tracey - i know - what happened in brooklyn, i cant even type it here.

yeah, the last i read on that story was that they were not telling the mom how he died - how horrific. ithe story reminds me of the other kidnapping in new york (I think his name was etan patz and I am thinking he was never found).

Michele · Senior Member

Lizzy and Laura I'm really sorry that happened to you when you were a child. It is just a reminder that it is most often someone we know who abuses kids. Its not the scary boogey man we invision. One of my closest friends has talked with both me and my DH and told us we have got to talk to the girls now about giving them all the information we can about keeping their bodies safe and always keeping the information highway open with them (she has her PhD in child psychology and works with sexually abused kids). It's sad to know that so many children today and in the past have been hurt by sick people.

Alyssa · Guru

daisy wrote:
Juni wrote:
Supafly wrote:
I like the idea of a code word too.

I haven't talked about this much with them, aside from the usual not to go with anyone but us or another family member. But it does scare the crap out of me. Not that I stay up nights worrying about it, but after having seen some of the shows about this topic (and I remember one Oprah show that was very graphic about sexual molesters that really made an impact), it just worries me.

I thank the Lord we haven't gotten into sleepovers yet. Because you really never know. I was raped by the older brother of a friend of mine in high school-and he was a "nice" guy. You just don't know. And having girls, it is something on my mind a lot more.

For now though, they aren't out places without us, and if they are, they are with my parents. My mom might be the only other person MORE paranoid about this kind of thing, so I know she keeps very close watch on them. But as they get older, I will have to be more frank with them about this kind of thing.
I had no idea that happened to you! Was it reported?
i didnt know either - god how terrible laura.
the recent horrible event in brooklyn made it impossible NOT to have this conversation with NY kids this past month. ug. the local news advised to tell your kids that if they are lost, to look for someone "who looks like mommy or grandma" which i think is pretty good advice (and wont scare your kids too much).

I have been telling Ethan this for a while. The first thing we do when we go somewhere busy, like the zoo, children's museum, is identify what the people that work there are wearing. If he gets lost, he is to go to someone that works there. If he can't find someone that works there, find a mommy.

As for the original post, I've told Ethan that he is only to go with...and I gave him a short list of people. If someone says they know me or EJ but is not on that list, he is not to go with them. It doesn't matter what they say.

Lizzy · Guru

i also try to explain that if she is lost go to someone who works there, ie. the cash registar, etc. but, i am cautious about saing "uniform" because you never know - it could be a plumber or janitor who wears a uniform. I hate to say it, but it sounds sexist to say "don't go to a man" but i do find myself saying that. I also advise her to find a mommy with children if she is lost.

daisy · Guru

Lizzy wrote:
i also try to explain that if she is lost go to someone who works there, ie. the cash registar, etc. but, i am cautious about saing "uniform" because you never know - it could be a plumber or janitor who wears a uniform. I hate to say it, but it sounds sexist to say "don't go to a man" but i do find myself saying that. I also advise her to find a mommy with children if she is lost.

i tell them not to go to men. i stumble a bit over it, but i cant help it - that's life. :shrug

-- Edited by daisy on Wednesday 10th of August 2011 03:25:31 PM

Lea · Veteran Member

I know a lot of you have said you've told the kids not to "go" with xyz person... but have you told them what to do if they've no choice but to go with them, if they are physically picked up and carried away.

To me thats even more important. I have told Charlie to kick/punch/bite whatever he has to do to get free, and to make as big a scene as possible.

I saw a guy walk up to a little girl aged around 8 while her mum used an ATM and pick her up from behind, with one arm across her chest and the other across her mouth. The child was as white as a sheet and so terrified that she stiffened and couldnt move.

It turns out that the mum was in on the joke and she knew the guy and had saw him approach while the child didnt, but it just goes to show how quickly and silently a child can be taken.

Funny thing was - no-one (myself included) that was watching was aware that the mum knew the guy, and no-one did anything to stop him. THats what worries me most. No-one will help.

Lizzy · Guru

Lea wrote:
I know a lot of you have said you've told the kids not to "go" with xyz person... but have you told them what to do if they've no choice but to go with them, if they are physically picked up and carried away.
To me thats even more important. I have told Charlie to kick/punch/bite whatever he has to do to get free, and to make as big a scene as possible.
I saw a guy walk up to a little girl aged around 8 while her mum used an ATM and pick her up from behind, with one arm across her chest and the other across her mouth. The child was as white as a sheet and so terrified that she stiffened and couldnt move.
It turns out that the mum was in on the joke and she knew the guy and had saw him approach while the child didnt, but it just goes to show how quickly and silently a child can be taken.
Funny thing was - no-one (myself included) that was watching was aware that the mum knew the guy, and no-one did anything to stop him. THats what worries me most. No-one will help.

how scary, lea!! i have told ivy to punch, kick, etc. and yell "this is not my dad (or mom). because alot of times ppl will just think you are picking up your own child and they just don't want to go.

there was a guy who specializes in safety and he was saying that if someone approaches with a gun (even) to never go with them -just take off running and the chances he will shoot and hit a vital spot are slim but if you actually get in the car, you are pretty much doomed. he said people found dead in the woods were not out walking in the woods, they were taken there and once you get taken to the secondary crime scene, your chances of surviving go way down.