There's a kid in Henry's class that is pulled out for most subjects of the day. I don't know his whole story but he's bigger than the other kids (so possibly older), and at special events, like Field Day, he has to have a teacher or teaching assistant with him at all times. His name is N.
Anyway, Henry's friend JD tried to befriend him at the beginning of the year but N wouldn't accept that JD wanted to have other friends as well. So N has been picking on JD (and Henry even though Henry doesn't tell me about it) and making up stories about Henry and JD. N pushes the other kids. I heard the girls in Henry's class complaining to N at the lunch table the other day when I was there. N is the kid who asked Henry at lunch one day if he'd ever have sex. [Nice, huh?]
Last night, JD's mom called to tell me that N is still harassing JD even though they've had multiple conferences about it. N rides the bus with JD so they assigned N a seat in order to get him away from JD on the bus. Apparently yesterday, N announced to JD and some other kids in the class, "I can kill people." JD's mom is freaking out. She said the kids laughed it off, not taking him seriously.
Henry doesn't tell me things unless prompted, and even then sometimes he doesn't. I said, "Henry, does N ever pick on you at school?" "Yes."
"What does he do?"
"I don't know. . . he's always hissing at people. I don't know why."
I think that JD's mom wants N removed from the classroom. I can understand her concerns but I also feel for N. I mean, he is a special needs student so I try to have empathy for him. Also I imagine that it would be very difficult to move N to a different class.
And like I said, I don't know this kid or his situation.
What do you think?
p.s. JD's parents did email the school to tell them about N's comment about killing people.
robin, this is so hard. i have 2 special needs kids that don't always act in an appropriate manner so my heart hurts for N and his parents.
having said that ... this seems to go beyond just "strange" behavior into something that is hurting the other kids. i think if i were jd's parents i'd have to insist something more is done beyond just moving his seat on the bus. what that is, though, i have no idea.
((hugs)) i hope henry isn't hurt by this situation.
i would definitely mention the comments to the school. Sometimes kids dont understand what they say has certain concequences but then again you see kids who say things and no one mentions it and then when something does happen hindsight is 20 20.
I would probably just see if he could have an aid with him all the time. But really I dont know what I would do and again I see things that Raym just doesnt get sometimes so its hard.
While I would not discount what is going on with JD and N, maybe if JD's mom explained to JD more about kids with special needs. I think if you feel also that there are issues you should ask for a conference.
There are laws in public schos to protect kids with special needs, so it is really hard to say. Depending on what is wrong with him. He may just be saying things and not be harmful, however. I think the school and N's parents nneed to know if he said he can kill people.
Has JD mom found out anything about N? I mean maybe he needs a FT aid if he is that impulsive.
It is hard because I sure N's parents want N to have rifts and JD also should feel comfortable having their son in school. Have you both tried to tell the boys to not be near N?
This is such a struggle. I work with a child one on one all day long. At this point he is in the extended resource room all day and out of his "normal" class. The thing is his mom is on board and he has medicaid and so that service can be provided for him. However, there are other children in great need of that kind of service but without the parents being really proactive with things the process to get them those one on one services is SO long and much more difficult. Without knowing what his diagnosis is, if he has an IEP, all that kind of stuff, it's hard to know what is available. It would be ideal (it sounds like) for him to have an aide but it's not as easy as just providing an aide for him. Not typically anyway.
This really is so hard. The child I work with is so extreme. But the stuff he tells me is insane. Things like - you're going to marry satan; you're going to die; i hate you; cuss words and the like. It's being dealt with but i can't imagine if I wasn't there. But if mom wasn't proactive and he didn't have medicaid, I wouldn't be there and they would be struggling to figure out how to manage his day. It's a tough situation all around for things like this.
When I was listening to JD's mom on the phone, I was pretty conflicted myself. Henry has said/done inappropriate things before (not recently), and I've had to explain to him why we don't say or do things like that. JD's mom was also saying that she's always taught her kids to be tolerant of others with special needs but I think N must really be singling JD out. JD has told his mom that N is ruining his otherwise-good days.
But then I think--poor N doesn't have any friends. I don't want to tell Henry to shun him. I know JD's mom has told him to stay away from N.
