Ugh, this is going to be a rambling post so I apologize up front.
I'm tired. Kate is not a good sleeper, and I know it's my fault for not "teaching" her but I really need to do something. She's 10 months old now and still nursing. She doesn't take a paci.
For bedtime I tried following The Sleep Lady's method of allowing her to cry but with me sitting by the crib and occasionally patting her and shushing her. Do you think it's worse for her to see me there and not picking her up, rather than just leaving the room to let her cry? Do I go back in to reassure her? I hate leaving her to cry, but I get so frustrated. She gets all worked up and will be soaking in sweat. It's pitiful. :( So I ended up resorting to nursing her before bedtime, and I try to make sure she doesn't fall asleep on the boob. But there are times she still does and I'm able to get her in the crib asleep.
She wakes up 2-3 times each night, and because it's the easiest thing for me to do, I nurse her and usually we don't have a problem with her going back to sleep. Sometimes we'll be up for an hour, but she'll go back down. I know she doesn't need to eat at night, it's more for comfort, but I'm so tired I just give in. Do I not even go in to her room at night and just let her cry? Do I go in and reassure her but not feed her?
Naptimes = hell. Again, it's the nursing that I've been doing because it's the "easiest." I have left her to CIO. How many times do we need to do that before she gets it? Am I just confusing her by not being consistent with it? Do I need to just be hardcore and do CIO for both night and naptime? With reassurance after so many minutes, or don't even go in? Ugh, you'd think I'd have this figured out since she's my third. It sucks!
ETA: Megan - I saw you had a similar post. What worked for you?? How is Cate doing now?
-- Edited by Jo on Saturday 26th of March 2011 11:40:20 AM
honestly, if it were me in your shoes, jo, i'd be working on CIO. she's 10 months and DEFINITELY doesn't need to nurse overnight. she just knows you're going to come in.
i hate to be so blunt about it, but that's truly what i feel about it at 10 months.
No, really thanks for the feedback. Should I go in to reassure her after x minutes, or do I just leave her and let her fall asleep? At night when she wakes, do I just ignore her? I'm not sure what to do. How long will it take her to figure it out?
I know you don't have all the answers, those are questions swimming around in my head.
All I will say is do not do anything until you are 1000000% ready! Otherwise it is just confusing to her and she is at the age now she will know how to manipulate you.
Ryder was a pain about sleep and with his reflux would sleep propped in a swing but in our bed everynight by like 11. And all naps were in his swing.
Just after 5 months we worked on having him put himself to sleep in his crib. I did a so many minute CIO approach but did what worked for me. With his reflux I did not want him getting extremely worked up so I went in at like 2,4,6 minutes, etc. Honestly though, it only took him two nights of maybe 15 minutes crying to put himself to sleep and now he puts himself to sleep at nap and bed. I might everyonce in a while have to go in and repaci if he doesn't fall asleep right away.
That said, since he had the rsv he got all off track with sleeping through and has kind of been sporadic since.
Typically he does still wake to nurse at night but goes down by 7 and wakes around 4 or 4:30 and goes back down until 7-7:30 and I am fine with that.
If she nurses 3 times a night, I know she does not need it as do you but do you want to cut that all at once or not? Maybe set a time in your head that you think okay if it is past 3,4,5 am whatever time you want to set I will nurse her then put her back to sleep. Hopefully once she is putting herself down on her own and after a few weeks she will even drop that nursing time because she will learn how to soothe herself instead of needing the nursing to get her back down.
I would also make sure if she does fall asleep at the boob you wake her enough to where she is drowsy but at least eyes open before you lay her down.
Owen was my sleeper like that he nursed like every 2 hrs his first year of life before I cut him off and did CIO hardcore. It sucked!
IMO going in a rubbing her back makes it 1000x worse. She needs to figure out how to get herself to sleep without you. It sucks really bad but let her cry and in 3 days you'll be golden. The first night will be the worst. Could take 40 min to an hour. The secnod night will be much less and the third night may only take a few minutes.
Thank you, Sara. I think at this point I am so ready, but I'll need encouragement to stick to my guns. I know it's going to suck.
Thank you, Kristi. So you would suggest not going in at all. What about during the night when I decide no more nursing at all? Do I just ignore her and not go in to her room at all? And naps, I guess I should just say I'm going to leave her in her room for 1.5-2 hrs and leave her whether she wakes up halfway thru. I wish babies were easier!
- wakes up between 7-7:30 - down for nap between 9-10, sleeps at least an hour with sometimes waking up - down for another nap between 1-2, will sleep about an hour and a half with sometimes waking up - bedtime, I've been trying to be consistent with getting her down between 7-7:30 but sometimes that's later depending on if we're out busy, or if I'm alone with the kids - she'll usually wake up around 11, 2 and 5. sometimes she'll go from when she falls asleep to 2, or from 11 to 4
I don't think she's napping long enough. A few times she's actually napped 2-3 hours straight, I wish that was more consistent.
we are still not on the consisitant 2, 2 hr nap a day thing here but I would think at 10 months that should be pretty normal. Or at least hr and half each time.
Her naps though are not all that bad if she is napping at least an hour.
As far as night again just when you are ready on that part. hugs.
My suggestion would be a form of the Ferber method, where you put them in bed, then after intervals (Sara's 2,4,and 6 minutes is a good starT), you go back in, and without saying anything, you pat there back or pull up their covers and then just walk out and repeat. The thinking is they know you are there and not abandoning them, but, they learn you will not be rubbing their back or reading stories, or nursing or whatever. Plan a week where you will just do it, and know that every night will be awful (but each will get a little better), but the light at the end of the tunnel will be a sleeping baby. Also, do it now while she is still in a crib and not jumping out, we waited too long with Rhys and its a lot harder when they are in their toddler bed and instead of just crying they get out of bed... !
My suggestion would be a form of the Ferber method, where you put them in bed, then after intervals (Sara's 2,4,and 6 minutes is a good starT), you go back in, and without saying anything, you pat there back or pull up their covers and then just walk out and repeat. The thinking is they know you are there and not abandoning them, but, they learn you will not be rubbing their back or reading stories, or nursing or whatever. Plan a week where you will just do it, and know that every night will be awful (but each will get a little better), but the light at the end of the tunnel will be a sleeping baby. Also, do it now while she is still in a crib and not jumping out, we waited too long with Rhys and its a lot harder when they are in their toddler bed and instead of just crying they get out of bed... !
Good luck!
thanks, Erin
she's just starting to pull up, so yeah I better get busy before she's actually crawling out of the crib (not that the boys ever did, but you never know with this one, lol). I have gone in there to her crying and standing there reaching out for me. I'm a softy and give in when I see that.
(((HUGS))) Jolynn. I have not dealt with this myself, so I don't have advice on the CIO methods and what works best-in what I have seen with other friends/family members who have done it-cold turkey seems to be the fastest and least painful in the long run, but very trying.
But I agree with April that at 10 months, she doesn't need to eat overnight, and you need sleep. I agree she knows you will come to her, and as long as she knows that, it is doubtful she will easily give that up.
I wish you good luck with whatever method you decide to try. And you never know, her naps may fall into a better pattern when she is getting enough rest at night too. I know that when my kids slept well at night, they were better nappers during the day too. Overtired from lack of nighttime sleep often meant fitful napping as well in our house.
it has been a bit, but Mia did not sleep the first 6 months. I mean she hardly slept. She was colicky and had reflux. I had to go hard core by I think 7 moths. I had to just let her CIO and it worked. It was brutal the first day or two, but was so worth it. She had no self soothing ability. No paci,etc. I was BF also and totally cut out night feeds.
Good luck. It is hard on me to hear, but I have great sleepers now. Do it while they are young. I think at 10 months they know how to get you in in my opinion. Maybe not manipulation, but they know cause and effect.
Let us know how it goes. The worst thing though is to do it a day or two and go back. When she wakes at night you go in and can hold a sec or rub back, but no feeding her to sleep. If she really needs a feeding. I would do it like Sara said and not everytime or also lay her back down awake.
Hey jolynn! With Avery, I found that moving her morning nap up a little (instead of 10, I put her down at 9:30) which sounds insignificant with it only being a half hour, but she sleeps LONGER. With her, I put her down within two to two and a half hours after she woke in the morning. I still do. She just turned a year at the beginning of March. Anyway my point is that if she is getting better naps, she might go down easier at night.
But as for at night, I had to do CIO with her too. She would fuss and cry for about an hour or so at the beginning...and I discovered that with her, going in to soothe and reassure and then walking out again only made it worse. It took about four or five nights before she "figured it out." But it has been great since then. Good luck! I hope you are both getting more rest soon!
Hey jolynn! With Avery, I found that moving her morning nap up a little (instead of 10, I put her down at 9:30) which sounds insignificant with it only being a half hour, but she sleeps LONGER. With her, I put her down within two to two and a half hours after she woke in the morning. I still do. She just turned a year at the beginning of March. Anyway my point is that if she is getting better naps, she might go down easier at night.
But as for at night, I had to do CIO with her too. She would fuss and cry for about an hour or so at the beginning...and I discovered that with her, going in to soothe and reassure and then walking out again only made it worse. It took about four or five nights before she "figured it out." But it has been great since then. Good luck! I hope you are both getting more rest soon!
Read this last night but I was on my phone and forgot to respond.
ITA with Nicole. For us, we had to do straight CIO without going in to soothe her. If I did, it was so so much worse. She was so relieved to see me come in and then I had to leave again.
I hope you found something that works! You both need your sleep!
We've just started CIO with Ollie.... tonight will be night 3
First night took about 30 minutes of going in every couple minutes, laying him back down, giving paci, tucking in and leaving. Eventually he figured out that I wasn't gonna lift him out and let him fall asleep on me, and he fell asleep himself.
2nd night (last night) I put him down, and he didn't so much cry as fuss and complain. I left him 5 mins, and went back in, laid him down kissed him etc, and he rummaged around in the bed for about 10 mins, but not crying, just talking to himself, and then went to sleep.
Tonight, I'm hoping for the same.
He naps consistently in daycare from 12pm til 1.30 or 2pm and basically the same on the weekends.
