i'm only on page 18, but i'll give you a few of my favorites. fyi, the book defines 3 types of people pleasers, but because i scored so high, i encompass all of them.
"Ten Commandments of People Pleasers."
1. I should always do what others want, expect, or need from me.
2. I should take care of everyone around me whether they ask for help or not.
3. I should always listen to everyone's problems and try my best to solve them.
4. I should always be nice and never hurt anyone's feelings.
5. I should always put other people first, before me.
6. I should never disappoint anyone or let others down in any way.
7. I should never say "no" to anyone who needs or requests something of me.
8. I should always be happy and upbeat and never show any negative feelings toward others.
9. I should always try to please other people and make them happy.
10. I should try never to burden others with my own needs or problems.
"The Seven Deadly Shoulds"
1. Other people should appreciate and love me because of all of the things I do for them. 2. Other people should like and approve of me because of how hard I work to please them. 3. Other people should never reject or criticize me because I always try to live up to their desires and expectations. 4. Other people should be kind and caring to because of how well I treat them. 5. Other people should never hurt me or treat me unfairly because I am so nice to them. 6. Other people should never leave me or abandon me because of how I make them need me. 7. Other people should never be angry with me because I would go to any length to avoid conflict, anger, or confrontation with them.
-- Edited by apies on Sunday 5th of December 2010 06:55:25 PM
"keeping a front of niceness all the time prevents you from showing anger and displeasure, however justified they may be...you avoid criticizing others so that you won't be criticized. to avoid confrontation, it is all too easy to take the path of least resistance that psychologists call conflict avoidance. like criticism, confrontation and anger are also dangerous emotional responses that you wish to avoid at nearly any cost." (p. 8)
"in any relationship, if your niceness prevents you from telling other what is making you unhappy, angry, upset or disappointed - or from hearing their complaints - there is little chance of fixing what has gone wrong. conflict avoidance is not an ingredient of successful relationships. rather it is a serious symptom of dysfunctional ones. it's better to recognize that negative emotions between people are inevitable, and you must learn to deal with them effectively." (p. 9)
