I still do everything for Dominic, dress him and put his shoes on, pick his clothes, brush his teeth, wash his hair and body, comb his hair, it seems like the only thing I don't do is feed him! It is not that he can't do it, it is that he won't do it. I don't know if he is just lazy (I know that is mean) or just doesn't want to. He will seriously screw around and just be naked, in the morning I don't have the time to be messing with it so I just get him dressed. I have tried rewarding him for doing it and it just doesn't work. I would have thought by this age he would be more " I want to do it myself" but he really just doesn't care! It is so frustrating. Just wondering if I am the only one.
I have more problems with Gavin doing this than Owen and O is 2 years younger. I think part of it for Gavin is he is not a morning person. He is SO tired and such a cranky pants. But I refuse to do everything for him. It can be very frustrating. Sometimes I help him - you do your socks, I'll do your shoes. Or I'll do the left side, you do the right side. I know Gavin can do it all for himself so I want him to.
I really think at this age if they aren't doing it for themselves it's because they know someone else will do it for them. If I were you I would set some ground rules and start thinking of one thing at a time - just socks. Then socks and shoes, etc. Mornings are hell around here and I know how much easier it is to just do everything for them but I think that is a huge disservice to them because they are fully capable and they need to be doing these kinds of things to help with their confidence and independence. HTH
Koda can do most things himself now, however I still shampoo his hair because he FREAKS out if soap gets in his eyes. We switched back to velcro shoes for now because he can do those mostly himself and wasn't catching on to tying his own shoes yet. I hate how velcro looks, but oh well.
I agree with Juni though. Is it a morning issue or an all the time issue? Koda is a crazy early morning person, so he is far more capable of getting ready than frankly I am, but at night? Sometimes it is just easier on all of us to help him get his pajamas on when he is crashing hard.
While you can't set firm boundaries in the morning, perhaps other times? We tell Koda, "you can get dressed to go outside to the playground or not. If you choose to not, understand that means you are choosing to take a nap. Your two choices right now are to play outside with us, or take a nap". He will always eventually come around and do it himeself.
Hannah at 8 a.m. and Hannah at 3 p.m. are two different people.
On school mornings, if I want out the door, i'm usually helping her... I know she can do it, but pushing her in the mornings makes both of us grumpy, so I do a lot of assisting and she definitely asserts her independence once she's functionally awake.
She does shampoo and essentially do her bathing alone, but I do help her rinse because I'm 27 and have a hard time getting the it out, lol.
I don't worry about it - I know she likes to control what she can, and if being dependent in the morning is how she wants to do it, it's nbd to me. I'm kinda hitting a wall the older she gets because I want her to be independent, but since she's my only one, I'm trying to get better about savoring her being young.
Jasmine, pardon me for asking this, but if I recall was Dominic diagnosed ever? I remember you saying before that he was autistic? Was that not correct? I apologize if I am very wrong. However, I just wonder if maybe there are different ways to approach things with him? Is he currently in a program or school?
Anna can be lazy about some things (which I don't think is mean-I mean, I don't tell *her* she is lazy, but I know that is what it is), but is mostly independent. She doesn't like to wash her hair (or herself, for that matter) but a lot of it is just that she and Kate are soooooo distracting to each other in the tub, we have to remind them a trillion times to wash. I started making them wash each other, but then Anna said Kate is no good at it, so she does it herself, lol.
Anyway, we have issues with the bath, and sometimes with shoes. Also she doesn't like to blow her own nose. Which is annoying. She tries to brush her hair, but girl has a LOOOOOT of hair and she just can't get it all. Her hair is thicker than mine! I still offer her choices most of the time with clothes, but if left to her own devices, she is good about picking things that look good together, and she brushes her teeth on her own.
Jenn, we switched back to velcro too-Anna was too frustrated with trying to tie her shoes.
I think though, that if Anna were our only, she would still be wanting us to do more. She hates being associated with anything remotely babyish, or even thinking she is on par with Kate. She HAS to be bigger and better than Kate-she is very competitive with her sister. So I think that pushes her to do things she otherwise wouldn't.
I agree about taking little steps too. It is hard, especially when you are pressed for time, so starting small is probably the best way to go. Good luck-it is such a strange thing-you want them to be independent, but then you also want them to need you still...ugh.
R is pretty much doing all of this stuff on her own now, but it took a WHILE for her. she's someone who figures, why bother if someone else will do it for me. it wasnt until she was around 4.5 that she started actually finding it rewarding to get these tasks done on her own.
she was also a late bloomer with fine motor stuff, so i know she was frustrated with things like socks, and i think i might have expected too much from her and caused a little bit of a power struggle for a while there. now i'm finding that her fine motors are completely caught up, and the self-help stuff has come along in parallel.
i needed to do sticker charts with her for incentive last year. i never thought i'd see the day, but now she's actually going into her room, closing the door, and coming out completely dressed, down to the headband, on her own.
with baths, i still do all of that for her - i let her wash her body, but she's terrified of water in her face so i do the hair - plus she's still bathing with C, so it's easier for me to just do them both the same way.
Anna can be lazy about some things (which I don't think is mean-I mean, I don't tell *her* she is lazy, but I know that is what it is), but is mostly independent. She doesn't like to wash her hair (or herself, for that matter) but a lot of it is just that she and Kate are soooooo distracting to each other in the tub, we have to remind them a trillion times to wash. I started making them wash each other, but then Anna said Kate is no good at it, so she does it herself, lol.
Anyway, we have issues with the bath, and sometimes with shoes. Also she doesn't like to blow her own nose. Which is annoying. She tries to brush her hair, but girl has a LOOOOOT of hair and she just can't get it all. Her hair is thicker than mine! I still offer her choices most of the time with clothes, but if left to her own devices, she is good about picking things that look good together, and she brushes her teeth on her own.
Jenn, we switched back to velcro too-Anna was too frustrated with trying to tie her shoes.
I think though, that if Anna were our only, she would still be wanting us to do more. She hates being associated with anything remotely babyish, or even thinking she is on par with Kate. She HAS to be bigger and better than Kate-she is very competitive with her sister. So I think that pushes her to do things she otherwise wouldn't.
I agree about taking little steps too. It is hard, especially when you are pressed for time, so starting small is probably the best way to go. Good luck-it is such a strange thing-you want them to be independent, but then you also want them to need you still...ugh.
ita on the bath thing - it's so hard with two of them in there to get anything accomplished. i'm SO GLAD that my kids have curls and dont brush their hair unless it's wet (and then i do it for them) - i couldnt deal with having to brush dry hair everyday!
I got Henry dressed when he was in Kindergarten, mostly because we were in the habit of doing it that way. Many times, he wasn't even fully awake while I changed him into school clothes. He was pretty immature for K, and I didn't have any problems with doing it for him until . . . Mark got a little older. Then I NEEDED Henry to be more independent.
So one day (over Christmas break maybe??), I let Henry help me make a chart of a before-school routine: Wake up at 7:00, go to the bathroom, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, get backpack, go to school. I bought him an alarm clock too. I always (and still do) picked out his clothes and set them out for him to wear. I figured out that he wouldn't look to see how the shirt should go so I would set it out front-side down with the bottom edge closest to where Henry would be getting dressed (so if he just picked it up and put it over his head, it would be right). I do the pants the opposite way so he can just pull them right on his legs the way I have them sitting. [Does that make sense?] I still put his clothes out that way but now I put them on the side of the chair he sits in when he gets up. I lay Mark's clothes out like that too.
Henry thought the whole alarm clock thing was cool so he did it.
Mark gets himself dressed usually unless he's really tired and grumpy. Then he'll ask me to help him. Sometimes I'll tell him NOT to surprise me by getting dressed all by himself. So then he does. And randomly, I'll let him get a treat from the treasure box for getting ready without being asked.
Both kids bathe or shower themselves although Henry will not touch soap or shampoo unless threatened.
ETA: My kids don't brush their hair. That's why they have super-short hair.
-- Edited by Robin on Monday 25th of October 2010 01:59:28 PM
Jasmine, pardon me for asking this, but if I recall was Dominic diagnosed ever? I remember you saying before that he was autistic? Was that not correct? I apologize if I am very wrong. However, I just wonder if maybe there are different ways to approach things with him? Is he currently in a program or school?
Yes, he was diagnosed at 27 months and I think some of it is that because he has a hard time focusing but alot of it is he just wants me to do it. He just goes to a private kindergarten at his daycare right now.
Koda can do most things himself now, however I still shampoo his hair because he FREAKS out if soap gets in his eyes. We switched back to velcro shoes for now because he can do those mostly himself and wasn't catching on to tying his own shoes yet. I hate how velcro looks, but oh well.
I agree with Juni though. Is it a morning issue or an all the time issue? Koda is a crazy early morning person, so he is far more capable of getting ready than frankly I am, but at night? Sometimes it is just easier on all of us to help him get his pajamas on when he is crashing hard.
While you can't set firm boundaries in the morning, perhaps other times? We tell Koda, "you can get dressed to go outside to the playground or not. If you choose to not, understand that means you are choosing to take a nap. Your two choices right now are to play outside with us, or take a nap". He will always eventually come around and do it himeself.
No, it is all the time. I give him a shower at night but he still won't get himself dressed.
When I want Raven dressed in a timely manner I do it. I know she can dress herself but this works. I pick out her clothes because she doesn't care what she wears. Still in velcro for school. I haven't even tried to teach her to tie her shoes. I wash/rinse her hair because she doesn't like it in her eyes. She brushes her teeth and can take care of her hair but she doesn't have much of it.
owen can do all of this stuff. there are times i help him finish quickly get his sock and shoes on if we need to go. and usually go over him at bath though he would rather do it all his own. we brush over his teeth at night and floss due to his cavity issue. i do let him brush in the morning..his teeth just suck..lol.
and i have bryce who at almost 8 is already going to be the smelly kid in class. wtf with boys and hygenine?! we set a new rule that he must call us in for inspection and have soap suds on his body and in his hair.
Joe can and sometimes will do most of it himself. Pretty much everything that I want Joe to do himself though I have to bargain for and even then usually takes a while for him to do. So for instance he doesn't get to watch tv in the morning until he has gotten himself dressed and told me what he wants for breakfast, if he takes too long to get ready he won't have time to watch a show. We always bargain for everything, sad but it works.
Sometimes it doesn't work out though, yesterday he came in my room fully dressed and told me that it was nearly morning and could he watch tv, it was 3am.
