and all through the house
mommy was stirring, and the child did grouse
new clothes laid on the couch with great care
a flurry of pink curlers wrapped in her hair

the duo left the house in a hurry
unaware of the madness i was yet to worry
i kissed her goodbye and went on my way
what emergencies i would see today?

busy at work, passing out tylenol
the overhead speaker said i had a call
the doctor said "it's your mom"
then helpfully added "on speakerphone"

when unto my ears an assault was commenced
it was still early but she was incensed
"did you know she needed a uniform?" she shrieked
"no i did not" i feebly squeaked

for only that morning, an apparent oversight
the sign said orientation would be that night
should i have used my spidey sense
to predict a calamity such as this?

"the teacher we met is gone, too!"
"well i'm at work! what do you expect me to do?"
"she has no sweater in here, its freezing cold!"
with 110 heat index how could i know?

the call soon ended and work proceeded
no telling what else my child was needing
for another two hours i toiled away
same crap, different day

the overhead speaker calls out my name
i walk to the phone with a sense of shame
that is when the stranger said
"where is corene's lunch today?"

my mouth agape in total shock
a sharp intake of breath, unable to talk
my baby at school without any food
"but i didn't know!" i tried to argue

there i sat, thinking what a nightmare
when the voice on the phone said "this isn't daycare"
my eyes grew wide and my voice got tight
when i hissed "was i going to learn that tonight?"

the lady persisted in her interrogation
the existence of shot records called in to question
i insisted the papers were already there
yes, she replied "but this isn't daycare"

all of a sudden my eye started to twitch
because this lady was being a bitch!
i couldn't believe she talked that way
like it wasn't already a f-ked up day

away the phone flew with a clatter
my coworkers asked what was the matter
"my baby is at school with no food!
and that !@%%^ on the phone was super rude!"

school orientation without even a day's notice?
and yet they expect me to already know this?
W-T-F?
how could they not tell me there is NO LUNCH!

all of this news hit my heart like napalm
standing at work feeling like a bad mom
why is orientation the first day of school?
their lack of planning is very uncool

and who is this troll on the phone?
with attitude and disdain in her tone
it must be because she has never met me
if she comes to my ER i'll give her light therapy

later that evening next to my mom
i listened to them talk on and on
finally they say "you must pack lunch"
or we feed your kid ramen and charge you two bucks

after the meeting i head for the door
because now i need to go to the store
and lo- who should be standing there
but a fat old lady with gray hair

her big fake smile she flashed at me
waddling towards me at low speed
she said "i'm the one who called you today"
i need the papers if you want her to stay

"this is not daycare" she said once again
in my mind i wipe off her shit eating grin
instead, i say "i'm glad we're in church-
when i see you again i'll have some unchristian words"