For once- its not my drama. But I am brought into it.
My neighbor behind us is a single mom with 4 kids. Her 3 girls (ages 8, 5, and 3) come and visit her every other weekend. They live with their father. She has a 5 week old baby boy by some one else. Every other weekend the girls invade our yard and we get some pretty tall tales. But this afternoon the two oldest girls came over. The eldest said that her mom got into a big fight with the boyfriend (the baby boy's father who has been staying there since he got out of jail). She said the boyfriend grabbed her mother, threw a glass at her mother, and was in general being rather physical during the fight. She said that their mother made them go outside. Usually we get some tall tales. But this one DH and I feel that even if its half true- it has us concerned about these girls. They are good girls, if a shade wild. And I would hate to think that anything bad ever happened to them or their mother. I'm not particularly fond of their mother for her poor parenting skills (she just lets the girls run loose and never checks on them) but I would hate to think that any man was laying a hand on her. The eldest girl described what seemed a valid altercation. She said he was grabbing her by the arms and she was trying to kick him off of her. That she, the eldest girl, tried to hit him to get him off her and that he turned on her and tried to hit her and that's when their mother threw them out. What tells us that there is some truth to it is the fact that we've heard, on more than one occassion, loud arguments between them at night. It was pretty awful. I told the eldest girl that the next time this happens to grab her sisters and come down here. That this was a safe house. And when they got here we'd let them call their father. We offer sanctuary to all who need it. We never turn a person in need away. We also told her that her mother could come down here as well if she needed help. We'd be happy to help her.
But then the eldest said that her mom always yells at her and ignores her and it hurts her feelings. With 3 younger ones I could see how the eldest feels that way. But more than one neighbor has said that she has had those girls taken away from her by DSS for neglect. It makes me wonder just how much is true.
What do I do? I can't stand the thought of this ass hurting them. But at the same time I don't know if its true. I've never met the guy or seen him. But I sure as heck have heard him. I know that honestly its none of my business but if children are being hurt or are in a situation where they can be hurt then I feel that someone has to step in on their behalf. So what advice do you ladies have?
The fact that there is a small chance it could be true warrants a call to social services, IMO. It's their job to document and found out the truth. So, my advice is to call them and just talk to them about the situation. Here you can call and they can tell you if it's something they can start a case on but typically they just take down the information and your information.
I am a big advocate of calling if you have concerns and it sounds like you have some pretty valid concerns.
I think it is great that you have offered your house as a safe haven. I think it's a hard situation because you don't want them to be forbidden to come to your house, but on the other hand, not calling could result in something worse. I would go ahead and call now and that way they will be aware if they are not all ready.
"The eldest girl described what seemed a valid altercation. She said he was grabbing her by the arms and she was trying to kick him off of her. That she, the eldest girl, tried to hit him to get him off her and that he turned on her and tried to hit her and that's when their mother threw them out."
I should specify that by that situation I meant that the boyfriend was grabbing their mother by the arms, not the eldest girl. And that the mother was trying to kick the boyfriend off.
I didn't know if that was clear. It confused me for a minute and I'm the one that heard her talking.
DH and I have been talking about it since our babies are in bed and agree that the best thing is to make a discreet call to get this woman(I called her "girl" even though she's my age!) some help. If she is in this situation even when her girls aren't around- there is still that newborn in a touchy living situation.
-- Edited by Jennie on Sunday 1st of August 2010 09:16:51 PM
I had a very bad experience with a parent when I worked in the childcare field, getting myself too involved outside of what CPS did, and while I don't want to get into all that, I will say that they are your neighbors, and if he'll beat a woman that he had a baby with, it's not outside the realm of possibility that he has crazy bad judgement, and is not safe to mess with.
That sounds horrible, because I wouldn't turn down any neighborhood kids if they came running scared, but I'd try to keep myself as far removed as possible while trying to do whatever you can to keep them safe.
