i have experience.

caroline was officially diagnosed at 5.

she wasn't as hyperactive as some but she does have impulse control issues. long after she should have known better she would run out of the house alone, dash away from me in parking lots, hide in the clothes racks in stores .... she just had ZERO safety knowledge.

now that we have her on medication we can really tell a difference. 

if we forget her meds or she doesn't have it for some reason she will get really grumpy - talks back, tantrum-y type behavior, etc.... whereas when she has her meds she is much more "age appropriate". so she isn't a robot or anything, she will still sass but it is much more 6 year old girl like and less 2 year old tantrum like.

interestingly, my husband has adult adhd and i see the same things in him. he gets SUPER cranky if he forgets his meds, he has a hard time sitting still (he usually bounces his leg or legs up & down ... drives me batty), simply can NOT stay focused on something if it isn't of great interest or importance .....


caroline also has a short temper when trying to do things that require concentration - ie: answering questions with multiple steps, writing her name, etc.....

like i said, she's medicated now - against my first inclination - but after talking with her pediatrician, a child social worker, a child psychologist and a child psychiatrist i finally accepted that if she needs meds she needs them and seeing how much more comfortable she is when she has them is enough for me.

I dealt with this with my ds and as a teacher. The theories and approaches behind it change, but I can tell you that the earlier you act on it, the better. One of the traits is that the child is often uncooperative. Implementing stratifies early on helps eliminate some of the battles. I tried to get my ds diagnosed earlier, but had a hard time doing it. I know it would have made things much easier.

Some of the strategies that you can do now will not hurt and do not involve medication. You might do these but just in case here's some typical ones:

*Before going somewhere or doing a specific task review the behavior expectations and how to respond (i.e. at the grocery store walk beside the cart and do not touch anything on the shelves).

*Plan as much as possible ahead- lay out clothes the night before, review at the start of the day events and their time frames (sometimes having a calendar helps with this), make sure you have a video game or other ways to entertain if you are going somewhere that requires waiting like a dentist office or for and oil change.

*Organize to the moon and back- Routines are helpful for this. Walk in the door and shoes go in the basket, backpack on the hook, homework in the in box (or whatever you do); towel goes on a specific rack when done; favorite toys go in a specific bin and I am sure you get the general idea.

Also, I have found that kids with adhd do not use organizational things if they require too many steps. Bins, baskets, and methods that quite literally involve throwing whatever in it works best. If they have to stop to open, place/file, close something, it either will be done half way or not at all. Sometimes having a picture and/or a label showing what goes in a bin or showing simple instructions is helpful too.

Even if he can't tell time, you can use an alarm on a watch or a timer to help him. Set it and say do xyz until the alarm goes off or when your watch alarm goes off it's time for you to come upstairs and eat. Building in reminders helps.

Also, don't expect him to sit for a long time. Try to build movement into whatever you are doing. If you are waiting to get your oil changed you can do things like slowly clean out your purse and have him take one thing at a time to the trash. At supper he might do better standing up. You will know what works best.

kris wrote:

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I have experience.

I know 5 was when we first brought it up to John's ped and he dismissed us saying there is a tremendous change in little boys especially between the ages of 5 and 6 and encouraged us to "hang in there" for that growth and maturing to occur.

I believe that Kindergarten will be very telling for you.  It will be his first real experience in an organized school setting, right?  You will learn alot this coming year and the teacher will be able to give you great feedback on his behavior in that environment.

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ita with this - my friend is in a similar situation (they've suspected adhd for a long time now) and their pedi said that they will be able to more easily detect this kind of thing in K.

also, it's summer - i know my kids are sort of hitting the wall behavior-wise - they're bored and there is a LOT of unstructured time going on here - i cant wait for them to just have some of their time organized for them.

eta: i didnt mean for this to come off as "oh, its just the summer..." - i meant more like, since there's so much free time right now, these kinds of issues might be more pronounced.

-- Edited by daisy on Wednesday 21st of July 2010 03:10:54 PM

Ivy has temper tantrums lately are more in line with a 2 year old. she has problems with impulse control, but she said something interesting - she said that her friends and teachers don't know she acts that way and it is a secret. so, i think part of it is just acting up around me (the person she trusts the most and she knows my limits, etc.) I think KG will definitely be good for her.

I would definitely ask though, corey. I am going to talk to Ivy's doctor at her visit. ((hugs))

Corey, if your pedi won't help you with these concerns, find one that will.  I am not a big advocate of medicating young kids, but there are times that are appropriate.  I have no idea if this is your situation or not or if he even has adhd.

What I do know is that mother's often know.  With my ds, it was a battle.  In kindergarten and first grade it was beyond horrible.  He would come home from school and we tried to do homework.  It almost always ended in tears and/or me yelling at him.  It was awful.  If you can avoid that, do!

I also know that if you do opt for medication, it will make him more hyper if he does not have adhd.  What medication does for kids with adhd is allows things to slow down instead of coming in all at once.  Adhd sends signals that are all pretty much the same strength so the brain has trouble figuring out which ones to listen to and which to ignore.  That is where the impulse control and distraction come into play. 

Because I have been out of the classroom for a few years and my ds is not an adult, I am sure better information is available.  I do know that one book that was highly recommended by those in the educational field and medical professionals was Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete Authorative Guide for Parents.

If you want to ask any questions please feel free. I hope I am not coming off as a know it all, because I am not.  It just happends to be something that has a great deal of relavance to me.  I also don't wish on anyone the struggles we had.

Here is hopefully and Amazon link:
http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-ADHD-Complete-Authoritative/dp/1572305606/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1279750300&sr=1-5

Corey wrote:

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thanks everyone for your replies.

i have tried for the past year or two to say "well, he IS only 3 or well, he IS only 4..." but at some point i realized that grace, at almost two years younger, was acting like the older sibling. so then it became "well, he IS a boy afterall"  at some point though i started to ask myself if it was more than being a boy, kwim?

like, for example, when we take a walk. grace can be trusted to walk nicely and not dash off into traffic. connor will walk great for awhile, then get distracted and eventually start running ahead. i spend the vast majority of the time screaming "stop! red light!" oftentimes to no avail. a couple weeks ago he was walking next to the carriage in the grocery store. i stopped for one minute to get something and the minute i turned my back he grabbed the carriage and started running full speed down the aisle, laughing hysterically and almost ramming into a group of elderly women.

then there is the issue of strangers. no matter how many times we have the stranger danger discussion it is like it goes in one ear and out the other. one time he ran away from me as i was unloading groceries, ran to a neighbor's house (that we know so-so), knocked on the door and asked to go in and look around. (and they let him, which is another issue altogether!) last night we were walking downtown and he ran away to catch up with some strange woman and invite her to have a picnic with us. dave caught up with him, gave him the whole stranger speech, then not two minutes later he dashes over to her again to invite her to come with us, tell her his name and birthday, etc etc etc.

he is just extremely impulsive and seems to have very little regard for consequence. i don't know what to do. my sister has the same pedi as me and she said that he will not even discuss the topic until after 3rd grade. he is a sweet sweet boy, but i am afraid without some type of early intervention he will just continue to become more and more difficult to control.

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corey - this was totally me.  DH said very early on "something just isn't right" to which I replied "he's only 2 and so cute" and would step in any time my DH tried to discipline.  Then it progressed like you've described "he's only 3, he doesn't know any better."  "He's 110% boy."  You name it I said it because he was my first kid and I didn't know what was normal and I was in denial. 

I can tell you that most kids with ADHD cannot process lots of instructions at once - generally they recommend that you break things down for them step by step.  If you say go to your room and clean up your toys and hang up your clothes you will find the kid in his room playing because all he heard you say was "go to your room."

RE: the danger stuff.  I know that was totally us with John.  We could talk until we were blue in the face and that type of stuff just didn't sink in.