Dominics new thing is to tell us he hates us. I don't know if he even really understands what it means but it is driving me crazy! Sometimes it will be after we don't give him something he wants or he doesn't get his way and other times he will be just joking about it like at lunch today he said "my brain is telling me to think I hate you". Uh ok. We have never said anything like this to him, he is not around other kids, I monitor what he watches on tv so I don't know where he got it from. I have tried talking to him about how it hurts our feelings and would he like us to say that to him, I have tried punishing him for it and he just keeps saying it. So what do I do, just completely ignore it?
it has to be coming from somewhere. is there no one he could have overheard it from?
at my house, if it became an ongoing issue like you are describing, i would start taking pebbles out of my kids' positive reward jars each time they said it.
I think he knows he gets your attention for doing it. Elizabeth has said this before but really doesn't anymore. Our response was to tell her that it's her choice. We love her and it's our job to make sure she grows up to be a good and responsible person, not to like us. After we kind of gave that attitude to her she just quit.
Mark went through an "I hate you" phase. Whenever he said that he hated me, I just said, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I love you." Also Mark wanted it to be "Opposite Day" many times so that he could say he hated me but really mean the opposite. I told him that I didn't like Opposite Day because those words hurt my feelings even though he really meant the opposite. So he stopped.
I am fortunate so far that we haven't heard this...yet. I know the day will come. I think I will approach it the same way Libby and Robin mentioned and tell my kids that I love them, and I will likely explain that hate is a hurtful word. And I think it would depend on the situation as well-if they said it in anger when I had punished them for something, it would be different than if they were just saying it unprovoked.
Good luck. That is not an easy thing to hear, even though you know they don't really mean it.
Mark went through an "I hate you" phase. Whenever he said that he hated me, I just said, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I love you." Also Mark wanted it to be "Opposite Day" many times so that he could say he hated me but really mean the opposite. I told him that I didn't like Opposite Day because those words hurt my feelings even though he really meant the opposite. So he stopped.
We have had the same experience. I think its them trying out their bounderies, to see what it takes to push us away. Her dad falls trap to it sometimes and will say things back like "well, fine, I will leave." (and then I say "okay kids, do I need to seperate you two?") But, in those instances I always tell her "well, I love you no matter what and I always will!" Im stealing myself for her teen years and I reaaaalllly want her to feel like no matter what, I am a safe place she can come back to. Eventually she learned it wasn't having the effect she was looking for, so she quit.
Maybe Im over thinking it, but my greatest fear is losing the closeness we have now since I was not close to my mom.
-- Edited by Erin on Wednesday 14th of July 2010 11:24:59 AM
-- Edited by Erin on Wednesday 14th of July 2010 11:25:37 AM
