Some of you probably saw on FB that I met him, and he's like a happier, German version of my dad. The problem is, that's not a good thing. To me anyway.
My dad was bossy, controlling, condescending, and a know-it-all. And so is Rolf. He's a nice enough guy, and he definitely makes my mom happy, but he reminds me SO much of my dad that it's unsettling. And not because my dad is gone, but because though I miss him, I was hoping to never have to have that kind of personality in my life again. It's hard to wrap my head around, and I know it's probably not coming across right.
John thought he was ok. And again, he's a nice guy, and he treats my mom well, mostly. But when he would tell Mason to eat 2 more bites of his lunch, when John and I were sitting right there, it rubbed me the wrong way. And when he told my mom to get moving so they could go get dinner, or when she told me that Rolf told her to suck in her gut when he was taking pictures of her teaching Mason how to bowl...it was just too familiar, and not in a pleasant way.
And I'm pretty sure he's an alcoholic. He drinks a LOT of wine, and my mom marvels at the fact that he never gets drunk. She has always had a tendency to drink too much wine, and I think they are enabling each other and don't see a problem with it. My dad hardly ever drank, so that's different!
I'm glad my mom is happy. I just don't want him visiting here when she does. And I feel like shit about it. He's not coming with her on her next visit, which will be for Mason's birthday. I'm not going to tell her that I don't like her boyfriend. And the funny thing is, my brother REALLY liked him - but that makes sense considering my brother (bizarrely) idolized my dad. And no one noticed that Rolf is just like him until I pointed it out.
Thanks for reading if you got this far. I just needed to vent.
I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. It does sound like not the greatest situation. I hope things improve. On a happy note, your siggy picture is adorable!
Alison, I'm sorry I know you want the best for your mom, which is one reason you feel this way about him. Like you said, not that you didn't love your dad and miss him, but the personality thing.
Unfortunately, some women tend to gravitate to the same type of men always, and it sounds like that's your mom. That's "comfortable" to them.
I wish I knew what to say to make it all better ((hugs))
That is tough, Alison. I would not been keen on my parent's BF telling my kid to eat more. It annoys me enough when my own parents do it when I am there.
I am glad for you he isn't coming the next visit-ugh, that is so hard! I can understand wishing she were with someone "different" and not like your dad. Are they really serious?
Supa, they are serious, but they like having separate homes, so they won't get married. Thank goodness. He's 76 years old but really doesn't look or seem older than 65, but with the way he drinks, who knows how much time he has left!
Hugs Alison. This is all so weird and touchy. When my dad died, my mom could not understand that I had an actual opinion about her new boyfriend. she though that I didnt like him simply because he wasnt my dad. Ugh. Anyway, not the same, but, i feel your pain. We want them to be happy, but not just because they have someone, it should be someone good for them right?
Anyway, dont mean to make it about me. I sympathize and wish you tons of luck in navigating the situation.
Hugs Alison. This is all so weird and touchy. When my dad died, my mom could not understand that I had an actual opinion about her new boyfriend. she though that I didnt like him simply because he wasnt my dad. Ugh. Anyway, not the same, but, i feel your pain. We want them to be happy, but not just because they have someone, it should be someone good for them right?
Anyway, dont mean to make it about me. I sympathize and wish you tons of luck in navigating the situation.
Thank you Erin - I was actually thinking about you while he was here and wondering what you would have thought!
I know you want the best for your mom, which is one reason you feel this way about him. Like you said, not that you didn't love your dad and miss him, but the personality thing.
