So, there is this kid in Mason's class named George. Mason kept coming home saying George hit him, or pushed him down, or called him a name, ect. I came in one day to pick him up and he was sitting on the teacher's lap trying to catch his breath, I could tell he had been really crying hard and he couldn't calm down. The kid had pushed him down again.
Before, when this happened, Mason would just cry. I told him that the next time George pushes him down, he should not cry but get back up and push him back. Then, I came in the next day and Mason was in the corner hitting George. I don't think George did anything aggressive to him to provoke him, just made Mason mad.
What do you think I should do in this situation. I clearly told Mason that he should not hit or push George unless he did it to him first, but then I saw Mason hitting George. I asked him about it and he said that George just tried to take his book or something. How do I get him to stand up for himself without teaching him to be aggressive? Right now he is very passive and sweet, but I feel like he is getting walked over by this kid. I obviously don't want Mason to just start hitting others either, but he doesn't seem to understand when it is ok to stand up for yourself versus when it isn't.
I think he's too young to understand the concept of standing up for himself in that way.
I always have, and still do, tell my kids to tell the teacher if someone is physically hurting them.
I think it's the teacher's job to intervene and talk to the parents of the mean kid if that needs to happen. Or honestly, that kid needs to be kicked out of school if he continues to be violent with the kids.
I just have never told my boys to hit back because I don't want them to end up getting in trouble.
I agree with Kristi. Have him tell the teacher. You don't Mason to end up in trouble if the teacher sees him hitting or pushing but not the other child.
I'm sorry Mason is being treated like that. It is so hard to see our kids in situations like that. I hope they talk to the other boys parents and try to get this under control. I doubt Mason is the only child he is treating like this. :(
yeah, that is a good point. i don't know why i didn't just tell him to tell the teacher instead. duh. although, she does know that this kid causes problems. i think this makes more sense though than telling him to hit back because i really don't think he understands, and i don't want him to end up thinking it is ok to hit either. thanks for the advice guys :)
I think he's too young to understand the concept of standing up for himself in that way.
I always have, and still do, tell my kids to tell the teacher if someone is physically hurting them.
I think it's the teacher's job to intervene and talk to the parents of the mean kid if that needs to happen. Or honestly, that kid needs to be kicked out of school if he continues to be violent with the kids.
I just have never told my boys to hit back because I don't want them to end up getting in trouble.
i second this.
just as an FYI, even if a kid is defending himself at my high school, he will be suspended too for being involved in a fight. because of this, i do what i can to try to encourage my students (and eventually my kids) to go to someone they trust when there's a conflict.
I think you have some good advice here. The only other thing that I might want to add is to have him practice at home saying a canned phrase very sternly and loudly like, "Stop hitting me!"
Make sure he says it in a way that is not screaming, but certainly loud enough in a busy school room to make heads turn. The reason I say this is because if he says it loudly, the teacher is better able to catch it. If the teacher can catch it right as it happens, then it will also eliminate the need for Mason to tell the teacher. Of course if the teacher is not acting when Mason talks loudly, he should go directly to the teacher.
I have a slightly different view. We have a neighbor kid that is two years older than Ethan and he's very aggressive. We don't see them that much anymore but when we did, I told Ethan he was allowed to defend himself.
I was very clear. First, you tell a grownup. Or you say loudly, stop hitting. But if it doesn't stop and there isn't a grown up nearby, he is allowed to use his hands--by pushing the kid away, blocking him, etc. However, if I find out he used them first, he is in trouble. Ethan does not like getting in trouble so he takes this to heart.
But he knows he can only do it with this little boy, not at school. Not with other kids. Just this one. And he's also allowed to do it if the boy is hurting our other neighbor's kid because he is smaller than Ethan and we protect people that are littler, weaker than ourselves.
Now in your situation, I would probably tell him to tell the teacher because it's a school setting. But I wanted to let you know you are not alone in giving the ok to get physical. I don't like violence but I also don't want my kid to get hurt by a bully.
I agree with Kristi. In Stephen's highschool if you hit(doesn't matter who started it) both get in trouble. Goes on their record and they could get kicked out.
Christopher had the similar type of situation in preschool where other kid was aggressive and pushed him. Christopher is REALLY strong, so strong that I can not physically control him when he's tackling me (playfully of course) so he could easily get anyone back in preschool if he wanted to but we always tell him not to hit or push anyone even if they push him. We tell him to first tell the boy to stop and then go and tell the teacher and tell us. So far it has worked... I don't want to encourage aggressive behavior and by telling him to hit or push back, I think we would be.
Sorry Mason is going through this. We are going through something similar with a boy in Joe's class. We have had him telling Joe that he hates him, kicking, hitting - I've been really tolerant cause this boy just got a new sibling and I know kids get messed up for a little while sometimes, but it is just not ending. Then now I just found a cut on Joe's pjs that he wore for pj day on Friday. I asked Joe how it happened and he said that Aiden tried to poke him with the scissors they were using. Anyway I ended up telling that he needs to either block something like that or if he thinks it is necessary then he can give one good kick to his legs just to make him scream out to get everyone elses attention. I don't feel bad about it. That boy needs to know that he won't put up with it.
Sorry Mason is going through this. We are going through something similar with a boy in Joe's class. We have had him telling Joe that he hates him, kicking, hitting - I've been really tolerant cause this boy just got a new sibling and I know kids get messed up for a little while sometimes, but it is just not ending. Then now I just found a cut on Joe's pjs that he wore for pj day on Friday. I asked Joe how it happened and he said that Aiden tried to poke him with the scissors they were using. Anyway I ended up telling that he needs to either block something like that or if he thinks it is necessary then he can give one good kick to his legs just to make him scream out to get everyone elses attention. I don't feel bad about it. That boy needs to know that he won't put up with it.
he poked him with scissors?! i would be livid. i wonder if many parents have complained to the teacher about this kid. i'm betting joe isn't the only one he is treating this way.
I'm not air eifjoe is the only kid he has gone this far with or not. I do know that he told a little in the class that he hated her too and spent weeks crying at drop despite her previously loving school. Anyway after talking this morning they said they were watching the both like hawks from now on. Parent teacher conferences are next week so I guess we will talk about it more then.
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