telling your kids santas not real.

3s_a_crowd · Guru

telling your kids santas not real.

Supafly · Guru

I don't really plan to. I intend to let them figure it out on their own, whether that means some snot nosed kid ruins it for them this year (I pray not, or heads will roll), or in another 6 years, who knows.

I know this could potentially be a hot topic for some, and I am not trying to turn it into one, but if one of my kids were starting to talk like K, I would sit them down and talk to them about it, but not tell them Santa isn't real. More that Santa is a wonderful man who knows magic, which is not the same thing is God, who is creator of all things. Kwim?

I think most kids really want to believe in Santa (even my niece, who has been raised not believing because of religion)-especially once they are around other kids who believe in Santa. It is such a magical thing for kids-and while we are all disappointed when we find out the truth, generally, we also have really great memories of believing in Santa.

There was this woman on Dr. Phil the other day who wanted to tell her 4 and 6 year olds that there was no santa because she said they work hard to provide the gifts and she didn't want the kids believing that some fictional man brought the presents they paid for. I don't know what else was said though because Kate started coming down, so I turned it off.

muffy · Guru

wow. my respectful opinion is that 4 is too young to grasp the concept that santa is not real. kids these age believe in a lot of fantasy things - princesses, fairies, pirates - whatever. i cant imagine them being able to pull out santa from that pile and associate it with the reality. so i can see why k cant grasp that concept at the moment. (funny enough, it is really only this year that clara is getting her head around the whole santa concept - i dont think she really got it before.)

i can totally understand you wanting to differentiate santa from god - i dont think most kids make that connection. i am not sure killing the belief in santa is the way to go, but if i was in your shoes ihni what i would do. what a toughie!

i can say that my 2 big ones stopped believing around 8, and it was not that we sat down and told them, more that they really started questioning it and they had the reasoning capacity to understand what was going on, as well as getting a good explanation of the spirit/intent of christmas overall.

CoffeeQueen · Guru

well, for me Santa is real. He is a spirit that resides in all of us and it is not God like. I was raised and taught all about St. Nicholas. He was a helper to the poor and was thought to be behind all the mystery gifts given to the poor. There are so many stories and I guess I opt to believe and carry on his tradition. In no way do I even associate him with God. Even in church they talk about Santa. It is not as they feel he takes away from the reason of the season.

I think like the others have said he is magical and as parents we carry on that tradition and give children hope that there is magic and mystery out there. That there is good and fun to life.

I guess for me I do not see it as not telling the truth or lying about what Christmas is. I feel you can educate about what Christmas is about and still have Santa in there.

Kids are innocent and young for such a short time. Why not let them believe that Mickey and the gang are real. To them there is no such thing as not real. I think as Megan said that 4 is too young to even truly understand it.

I think at 4 they are just even starting to understand the concept of Santa.

I love the idea of St. Nicholas and all that he stood for. To me it is part of the season and doing good and spreading the cheer to honor Jesus. Allie thinks that Santa brings gifts to celebrate Jesus's birthday.

I guess everyone believes differently.

tammy · Senior Member

I agree with Laura and Meghan. I will let my kids believe as long as possible and let them figure it out on there own (hopefully when they are 20... ha). My kids definitely don't put two and two together but I would tell them that God is our almighty creator who sent his son to save us... Santa is just fun and brings presents to good boys and girls (or something like that).

3s_a_crowd · Guru

we did tell her about st. nick and she actually has a veggietales movie about it. Weve decided to let it go and let her still believe for now (ie not say anything else) but I dont really think we traumatized her too much lol.

I dont care if she wants to believe in him or not honestly. But I do want her to differentiate God from fictional characters and dont really know how to do that. Im sure well come to it again in the next few years.

tammy · Senior Member

CoffeeQueen wrote:

well, for me Santa is real. He is a spirit that resides in all of us and it is not God like. I was raised and taught all about St. Nicholas. He was a helper to the poor and was thought to be behind all the mystery gifts given to the poor. There are so many stories and I guess I opt to believe and carry on his tradition. In no way do I even associate him with God. Even in church they talk about Santa. It is not as they feel he takes away from the reason of the season.

I think like the others have said he is magical and as parents we carry on that tradition and give children hope that there is magic and mystery out there. That there is good and fun to life.

I guess for me I do not see it as not telling the truth or lying about what Christmas is. I feel you can educate about what Christmas is about and still have Santa in there.

Kids are innocent and young for such a short time. Why not let them believe that Mickey and the gang are real. To them there is no such thing as not real. I think as Megan said that 4 is too young to even truly understand it.

I think at 4 they are just even starting to understand the concept of Santa.

I love the idea of St. Nicholas and all that he stood for. To me it is part of the season and doing good and spreading the cheer to honor Jesus. Allie thinks that Santa brings gifts to celebrate Jesus's birthday.

I guess everyone believes differently.

This is also what I tell my kids. Jesus loves us soooo much that he lets us have presents on his birthday. We bake a birthday cake, etc...

kdrew · Guru

When they figure it out.

daisy · Guru

i wont tell them till they figure it out.
i think R knows anyway. but we havent had a convo about it really.
i love love love this:

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/16/no-longer-believing-in-santa/

supergrover · Guru

Travis originally didn't want to ever tell them Santa was real, but he came around. i think mostly because to the kids everything is real as was mentioned. They believe my kiss makes their boo-boos better, that their dad is the strongest person in the world, the the easter bunny brings them toys (since we don't do candy), that rainbows end in pots of gold. I love living all of this through their eyes. Travis now is of the complete opposite opinion he was before and is sad that we dn't have that many years when they really believe.

ITU your point, I just don't see them in the same vein of thought.

daisy · Guru

i have told you guys this before - but my mom told me that santa died of a heart attack at age 6. LMFAO. and that the easter bunny and tooth fairy were in a car accident.
it was totally ok - i wasnt traumatized.
i more felt silly for ever having believed (i never TRULY believed anyway).
it was fine - my mom was just really spicey in that way.

sbucking · Guru

I never plan to tell them that. Never once in my whole life did anyone ever mention that Santa wasn't real. He, in fact, still brought us presents until we were married and still does occasionally. I love the spirit of Santa and will always Believe!!

Jennie · Guru

I won't ever tell them. I'll let them come to that on their own.

I want them to keep on believing. And then like Melissa- I want them to believe that spirit of St. Nicholas resides in all of us- and that I give because of the gift God gave me. I give b/c Jesus gave.

The last month until the unemployment was really very hard on us. But now that its kicked in, we're better off than before, right? The other day there was a knock on the door. DH shouted, "Just a minute" or something to that effect. He goes to the door and no one is there but there's a big wrapped box on our porch with a turkey next to it. We bring it and open it. There are toys inside it and food- lost of food. And the card just reads, "Merry Christmas, Santa." We have no idea who it was. We have a card for them but we don't know who to send it to to thank. DH asked how do we thank them... I said, "Simple. We pay it forward. We show our son that even when we barely have anything we still have something to give and THAT is what Christmas is about."

We haven't decided HOW we're going to pay it forward but we will. But that is our Santa story. We don't know who our Santa is but we are so appreciative that our Santa was looking out for us- so I like Melissa's take on Santa.

And we're watching the Veggie Tale's St. Nicholas movie just now. :) I

Veggie Tales!!

Edited b/c Lortab and extracted teeth are not the times to write posts. LOL

-- Edited by Jennie on Thursday 17th of December 2009 06:55:28 PM

Cuppycake · Guru

I don't know when we'll tell Hannah, but definately not before she starts to have questions... And even then it'll be a lot of discussion. I still believe, in the way that there's just magic in the season, and there's something so wonderful about when they believe in Santa, that's it's kind of like being a kid all over again. There's this part of me that tends to forget how little she is based on how she acts sometimes, but I definately don't want to take the magic out of the season anytime soon, but we've had some very close calls since she has older playmates. But, I just tell her that I still believe, which is true in a roundabout sense.

a_mastermom · Guru

sbucking wrote:

I never plan to tell them that. Never once in my whole life did anyone ever mention that Santa wasn't real. He, in fact, still brought us presents until we were married and still does occasionally. I love the spirit of Santa and will always Believe!!

I agree with all of this.

Jake is turing 10 on Christmas Eve and I suspect that he knows there is no Santa. But he hasn't specifically asked and I will never tell. In our family, Santa is magic - and magic is real at any age.

Sara · Guru

kdrew wrote:

When they figure it out.

ditto!

it actually makes me sad knowing this might be Bryce's last year to believe since I was told by a friend in 2nd grade which he will be in next year. I could not imagine trying to tell any of my kids he is not real at a young age.

CoffeeQueen · Guru

daisy wrote:

i wont tell them till they figure it out.
i think R knows anyway. but we havent had a convo about it really.
i love love love this:

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/16/no-longer-believing-in-santa/

I love that letter on that blog, Kelly. It is perfect and will pull that out one day.

CoffeeQueen · Guru

Jennie wrote:

I won't ever tell them. I'll let them come to that on their own.

I want them to keep on believing. And then like Melissa- I want them to believe that spirit of St. Nicholas resides in all of us- and that I give because of the gift God gave me. I give b/c Jesus gave.

The last month until the unemployment was really very hard on us. But now that its kicked in, we're better off than before, right? The other day there was a knock on the door. DH shouted, "Just a minute" or something to that effect. He goes to the door and no one is there but there's a big wrapped box on our porch with a turkey next to it. We bring it and open it. There are toys inside it and food- lost of food. And the card just reads, "Merry Christmas, Santa." We have no idea who it was. We have a card for them but we don't know who to send it to to thank. DH asked how do we thank them... I said, "Simple. We pay it forward. We show our son that even when we barely have anything we still have something to give and THAT is what Christmas is about."

We haven't decided HOW we're going to pay it forward but we will. But that is our Santa story. We don't know who our Santa is but we are so appreciative that our Santa was looking out for us- so I like Melissa's take on Santa.

And we're watching the Veggie Tale's St. Nicholas movie just now. :) I Veggie Tales!!

Edited b/c Lortab and extracted teeth are not the times to write posts. LOL

-- Edited by Jennie on Thursday 17th of December 2009 06:55:28 PM

That is heartwarming. I am so glad that Santa was there for your family.

CoffeeQueen · Guru

Sara wrote:

kdrew wrote:

When they figure it out.

ditto!

it actually makes me sad knowing this might be Bryce's last year to believe since I was told by a friend in 2nd grade which he will be in next year. I could not imagine trying to tell any of my kids he is not real at a young age.

Do not be sad. I can tell you from working in a school that no matter what the age they really want to believe. They often pretend they believe because they do not want to know the truth that Santa is not real.

There was a kid in 4th grade last year that told the class that Santa was stupid and not real. Well, those kids all knew he was not real, but they all said he was and that kid will not get anything if he does not believe. It is so adorable to see 4th grade kids still thinking that way.

mally · Senior Member

CoffeeQueen wrote:

well, for me Santa is real. He is a spirit that resides in all of us and it is not God like. I was raised and taught all about St. Nicholas. He was a helper to the poor and was thought to be behind all the mystery gifts given to the poor. There are so many stories and I guess I opt to believe and carry on his tradition. In no way do I even associate him with God. Even in church they talk about Santa. It is not as they feel he takes away from the reason of the season.

I think like the others have said he is magical and as parents we carry on that tradition and give children hope that there is magic and mystery out there. That there is good and fun to life.

I guess for me I do not see it as not telling the truth or lying about what Christmas is. I feel you can educate about what Christmas is about and still have Santa in there.

Kids are innocent and young for such a short time. Why not let them believe that Mickey and the gang are real. To them there is no such thing as not real. I think as Megan said that 4 is too young to even truly understand it.

I think at 4 they are just even starting to understand the concept of Santa.

I love the idea of St. Nicholas and all that he stood for. To me it is part of the season and doing good and spreading the cheer to honor Jesus. Allie thinks that Santa brings gifts to celebrate Jesus's birthday.

I guess everyone believes differently.

Ditto. Well said!