I need some advice. Mason came up to me the other day and said "George will play with you because you have a white face". George is a kid in his class. I asked him what he meant. He told me that George told him he wouldn't play with him because he only plays with people with white faces
So, I have a meeting scheduled for tomorrow to talk to the teacher. I'm obviously going to tell her what Mason told me. However, do I ask her to talk to the parents? the principal? or do I just let her decide what to do about it?
I have tried to think if there is any way that Mason misunderstood this, but I just can't come up with anything. Also, Mason goes to a private International school. They pride themselves on diversity, and a big reason why people send their kids there is to make them more aware of different cultures. There are 16 kids in Mason's class, from 10 different countries. I just can't grasp why someone would send their kid here if they were racist.
Anyway, I could use some advice on how to handle the situation. TIA!
you know the parents might not be racist. At this age these kids can be brutally honest.
K came to me once and told me her friend naveah is brown. She asked me why because her mommy is white. I told her well her daddy is brown too.
WHile its good to nip it in the bud I dont think i would make a huuge deal out of it. The kid may not understand hes being cruel at this age. Id probably say well we should play with everyone no matter what color face they have.
I agree with Tracy. As someone with an interracial family I think this kid may just be confused. I know my sister endured a lot of questions and stuff being mixed and kids weren't being mean they just didn't get it. I would definitely let the school and maybe have them mention it to the parents but I don't neccessarily think it is a racism issue (not at this point anyway)
Like Tracy said kids speak pretty much at face value and there is not much to it.
He may have heard it at home or from another kid or on TV.
I would talk to the teacher and get her feedback. She most likely never even heard this if it was during free play.
This is a hard one and I think the biggest thing you can do is educate Mason on how to respond to it. The unfortunate side is you will not be with him when these situations are presented and he needs to know what to do. I would treat it now no different then I would a kid saying you cannot play with me or us. That is a very typical age appropriate response.
-- Edited by CoffeeQueen on Wednesday 18th of November 2009 10:27:08 AM
I can see how hard that must have been for Mason and for you but I also do agree with what has been said. My first thought was likening it to kids that say they can only play with boys (or girls, but ykwim). He could come from a racist family who doesn't like their children playing with others that aren't white but at the same time I feel like there is a very good chance the child just sees Mason as different than him and hasn't quite gotten the concept.
I would talk to the teacher, nonchalantly, and express your concerns. I would let her know that you realize there may be many reasons for the comment but either way it really upset Mason. If it continues you can go further but at this point I think it can be used as a great teaching moment for the teacher and a great learning moment for the kids. The teacher can be more aware of what is going on and talk about it in class. Obviously, not directly but just to kind of give a lesson about different cultures, features, how we are different, etc.
That is so hard though! My friend it white, her husband is black so (obviously) her kids are mixed. She gets the comments all the time (from adults) and people are always incredulous - like "those are YOUR kids?" Like, they honestly can't believe it. I see it as ignorance a lot more than racism but it hurts just the same.
you know the parents might not be racist. At this age these kids can be brutally honest.
K came to me once and told me her friend naveah is brown. She asked me why because her mommy is white. I told her well her daddy is brown too.
WHile its good to nip it in the bud I dont think i would make a huuge deal out of it. The kid may not understand hes being cruel at this age. Id probably say well we should play with everyone no matter what color face they have.
this is interesting. i didn't think of it coming from nowhere. i just assumed that it had to come from somewhere, but you are right i think it is possible that it didn't. i guess i will have to give them the benefit of the doubt because i doubt i will know for sure unless it happens again.
you know the parents might not be racist. At this age these kids can be brutally honest.
K came to me once and told me her friend naveah is brown. She asked me why because her mommy is white. I told her well her daddy is brown too.
WHile its good to nip it in the bud I dont think i would make a huuge deal out of it. The kid may not understand hes being cruel at this age. Id probably say well we should play with everyone no matter what color face they have.
this is interesting. i didn't think of it coming from nowhere. i just assumed that it had to come from somewhere, but you are right i think it is possible that it didn't. i guess i will have to give them the benefit of the doubt because i doubt i will know for sure unless it happens again.
I wouldn't wait for it to happen again.
If I were the parents of that kid and he didn't learn it from me but from TV or another kid, maybe an older neighbor kid (that's where my kids learn all the bad stuff) then I'd want to be informed that he was talking that way at school so that I could have a LONG talk with him.
Why let Mason get sad again by waiting? I'd mention it to the teacher now. You don't have to say it in a accusatory way, just in a concerned way.
oh ftr I meant having a talk with the teacher about talking to the kid. I dont know if I personally would go to the parent. Maybe have the teacher do it.
I have to tell you last week when I picked M2 up from school, one of his classmates had a birthday so we were talking about it, then he told me he didn't like to play with Jack because he is brown. My jaw dropped. Now most of you know that M2's dad is black so M2 is mixed, but he is VERY lighted skinned, so you wouldn't really know.
Anyway told him that wasn't nice at all, and reminded him that his daddy is brown(that's what he calls it) and he said "I only like my daddy." I reminded him of all his cousins and aunts and uncles that were "brown" and his other friends at school who are "brown" I told him it was ok to not like Jack, but not because he was brown. I also asked him how he would feel if someone didn't like him just because of the color of his skin. I think I really got through to him, but I was in complete shock that this came out of his mouth.
This is very common at this age. They are all starting to see differences in eye color, hair, skin, etc. They really do not mean what we think they mean, but it is a good teaching moment and I think you said it perfectly, Chrissie.
I get little ones flat out ask me if I shave my eyebrows. They ask why I look like shit today. No joke - kids just do not have the filter and really do not understand yet that what they are saying is not really right/wrong. They notice everything and can even tell me if I wore something twice. They are observant little creatures.
I just got Allie a book on diversity and the different ways people celebrate Christmas, etc. I think it is helping her understand that everyone does not look or do the same things we do.
i havent finished reading yet, but i agree with many of the posters that i doubt that anything was behind this statement. kids are so concrete right now, and in these very early relationships, they tend to gravitate toward those who are similar to them. i know that R went through a stage recently where she wanted to play with kids with the same color hair as her. it sort of comes with the gender affiliation stuff too...just a very concrete age where you see things at face value. very tough for mason, for SURE :( that's hard. i'd talk to the teachers and i'd prob let teh parents know too, more in a "your kid was excluding my kid" kind of way. i dont think i'd jump to racism though, kwim??
you know the parents might not be racist. At this age these kids can be brutally honest.
K came to me once and told me her friend naveah is brown. She asked me why because her mommy is white. I told her well her daddy is brown too.
WHile its good to nip it in the bud I dont think i would make a huuge deal out of it. The kid may not understand hes being cruel at this age. Id probably say well we should play with everyone no matter what color face they have.
this is interesting. i didn't think of it coming from nowhere. i just assumed that it had to come from somewhere, but you are right i think it is possible that it didn't. i guess i will have to give them the benefit of the doubt because i doubt i will know for sure unless it happens again.
I wouldn't wait for it to happen again.
If I were the parents of that kid and he didn't learn it from me but from TV or another kid, maybe an older neighbor kid (that's where my kids learn all the bad stuff) then I'd want to be informed that he was talking that way at school so that I could have a LONG talk with him.
Why let Mason get sad again by waiting? I'd mention it to the teacher now. You don't have to say it in a accusatory way, just in a concerned way.
you are right, kristi. i would totally want to know if mason said something like that. i would be so embarrassed, but would want to make sure he understood that it is not acceptable.
I have to tell you last week when I picked M2 up from school, one of his classmates had a birthday so we were talking about it, then he told me he didn't like to play with Jack because he is brown. My jaw dropped. Now most of you know that M2's dad is black so M2 is mixed, but he is VERY lighted skinned, so you wouldn't really know.
Anyway told him that wasn't nice at all, and reminded him that his daddy is brown(that's what he calls it) and he said "I only like my daddy." I reminded him of all his cousins and aunts and uncles that were "brown" and his other friends at school who are "brown" I told him it was ok to not like Jack, but not because he was brown. I also asked him how he would feel if someone didn't like him just because of the color of his skin. I think I really got through to him, but I was in complete shock that this came out of his mouth.
wow, chrissie. thanks for telling me this. mason has started to notice differences in skin color too. i was actually surprised that it happens this early. he told me MIL "I am light brown, and you are dark brown." lmao.
i have my talk with the teacher today. i think i will just tell her what happened and that i don't know if it was intended to be the way it was taken, but i would like her to watch them closer and see if she notices anything.
as far as telling the parents, the conflict avoider in me wants to not have her tell them if this really is innocent because i don't want them to feel bad. but, i think kristi is right, and i would want to know if mason said something like that, whether it was innocent or not.
I have to tell you last week when I picked M2 up from school, one of his classmates had a birthday so we were talking about it, then he told me he didn't like to play with Jack because he is brown. My jaw dropped. Now most of you know that M2's dad is black so M2 is mixed, but he is VERY lighted skinned, so you wouldn't really know.
Anyway told him that wasn't nice at all, and reminded him that his daddy is brown(that's what he calls it) and he said "I only like my daddy." I reminded him of all his cousins and aunts and uncles that were "brown" and his other friends at school who are "brown" I told him it was ok to not like Jack, but not because he was brown. I also asked him how he would feel if someone didn't like him just because of the color of his skin. I think I really got through to him, but I was in complete shock that this came out of his mouth.
wow, chrissie. thanks for telling me this. mason has started to notice differences in skin color too. i was actually surprised that it happens this early. he told me MIL "I am light brown, and you are dark brown." lmao.
i have my talk with the teacher today. i think i will just tell her what happened and that i don't know if it was intended to be the way it was taken, but i would like her to watch them closer and see if she notices anything.
as far as telling the parents, the conflict avoider in me wants to not have her tell them if this really is innocent because i don't want them to feel bad. but, i think kristi is right, and i would want to know if mason said something like that, whether it was innocent or not.
Take this for what it is worth, but I would have the teacher tell the parents since it happened during schools. If you know the parents then I would say go ahead and speak to them, but if you do not know them I usually never see these types of things ending well. For some reason parents get very defensive when a parent calls like this. I mean if you really wanted to speak to the parents you could have the teacher bring all of you in for a meeting. That is just my opinion on how I see things, but I know that everyone likes to do things differently.
I would ABSOLUTELY have the teacher or principal talk to the parents.
I agree. If I was the parent of that child I would want to know. It can't be assumed that they are raciest so give them a chance to work on it form their end.
