What Makes You A Good Mother

Lizzy · Guru

RE: What Makes You A Good Mother

Supafly · Guru

I haven't read the responses yet.

First and foremost, dealing with everyone in my house having the flu makes me a good mother AND wife. Dealing with it even on the one day I felt like I had the flu also makes me an even better one.

But seriously, love is the biggest ingredient for me. My love for them is what drives everything I do for and with them. It is the reason they get smothered with kisses and praised for the things they do right/well, and it is also the reason they get sent to time out or get in trouble for making the wrong choices. If I didn't love them with every fiber of my being, I wouldn't take the time to take them to the park, and I wouldn't take the time to guide them through discipline into being good people and, one day (hopefully), well adjusted adults.

I'm a good mom because I share my heart with them. I have no choice because my heart belongs to them.

Juni · Guru

Well, according to Gavin "because you cuddle with me in my bed." :)

I am a good mom because I love my kids unconditionally. I love spending time with them, I hug and kiss them a million times a day and they know that I love them and would never intentionally hurt them. I keep them safe, support them, encourage them and let them make mistakes when appropriate so they can learn from them. :)

Honestly, I don't worry about being a good mom, I worry about being a better mom.

Jennie · Guru

Supafly wrote:

I haven't read the responses yet.

First and foremost, dealing with everyone in my house having the flu makes me a good mother AND wife. Dealing with it even on the one day I felt like I had the flu also makes me an even better one.

But seriously, love is the biggest ingredient for me. My love for them is what drives everything I do for and with them. It is the reason they get smothered with kisses and praised for the things they do right/well, and it is also the reason they get sent to time out or get in trouble for making the wrong choices. If I didn't love them with every fiber of my being, I wouldn't take the time to take them to the park, and I wouldn't take the time to guide them through discipline into being good people and, one day (hopefully), well adjusted adults.

I'm a good mom because I share my heart with them. I have no choice because my heart belongs to them.

This is what I'm looking for.

C'mon ladies. Don't focus on the negatives! Or the coulda, shoulda, woulda aspects! Talk to me!

apies · Guru

Picture-Perfect wrote:

Juanita wrote:

This is a hard question for me to answer because I have a hard time thinking of myself that way sometimes.

I mean some days I feel like I am a good mother, but then some days I don't.

KWIM?

I do. I think more often then not I think of what I could be doing instead of what I am doing. When I have a day where I feel like all I do is yell, I think I would be a better mom if I didn't do that, when I pop frozen dinners in the microwave for the kids I think I should cook. I'm going to take both of them to the pedi this afternoon and if they are sick i'm going to think I should have taken them the other day. I don't really know what makes me a good mom. I do know that I love my kids more then anything in the world and I would do anything for them and I cannot imagine my life without them.

wow. this is EXACTLY me.

i was trying to think of how to answer the question, and i honestly have no idea.

and i think it's for what you typed out here. i am CONSTANTLY thinking of how i could have done EVERYTHING better. and how everything i do isn't good enough.

hopefully one day i will reflect and see the quality of my parenting.

daisy · Guru

apies wrote:

Picture-Perfect wrote:

Juanita wrote:

This is a hard question for me to answer because I have a hard time thinking of myself that way sometimes.

I mean some days I feel like I am a good mother, but then some days I don't.

KWIM?

I do. I think more often then not I think of what I could be doing instead of what I am doing. When I have a day where I feel like all I do is yell, I think I would be a better mom if I didn't do that, when I pop frozen dinners in the microwave for the kids I think I should cook. I'm going to take both of them to the pedi this afternoon and if they are sick i'm going to think I should have taken them the other day. I don't really know what makes me a good mom. I do know that I love my kids more then anything in the world and I would do anything for them and I cannot imagine my life without them.

wow. this is EXACTLY me.

i was trying to think of how to answer the question, and i honestly have no idea.

and i think it's for what you typed out here. i am CONSTANTLY thinking of how i could have done EVERYTHING better. and how everything i do isn't good enough.

hopefully one day i will reflect and see the quality of my parenting.

my mom says it's VERY gratifying to have her three daughters call her on a daily basis to unload about what a HARD job this is.

she always says "maybe i wasnt so bad afterall huh?"

maybe we'll be able to say that one day too.

Juanita · Guru

Robin wrote:

I don't know.

I'll ask the boys in a few minutes; they're in the backyard raking leaves (for fun). Crazy kids.

I asked Mark the other day, "Do you know who loves you a lot?"

He said, "You do."

I said, "Who else?"

He said, "God."

"Who else?"

"Henry and Daddy."

So at the very least, my kids know that they're loved. I think that's makes a good mother.

Juanita · Guru

I just asked SG what makes mommy a good mommy

My 4 year old who's size 6X's are too tight answered "Um, because you make me food and lunch"

I said "Anything else?"

She said "Supper"

:giggle;

allvowels · Veteran Member

I have been thinking about this a LOT lately.

I think all the time, "I was such a good mom when I only had one child." : )

I swear to you, and it's ridiculous, and I need to get over it (clearly, because it's over and done with--haha!), but I think I am still sad about the fact that I only had just Addie for 15 months. I still wonder, "How different would things have been/be if the girls weren't so close in age?"

I know I wonder that because things have been hard ever since Emilia was born. However, it's silly because I think things get hard WHENEVER you add #2, regardless of the age difference.

(And adding #3 hasn't changed anything. The two that make things hard are still the girls.)

I am really going off-topic, but basically I don't feel like a good mom when I lose my patience and yell (like so many of you have said), and I guess I always wonder, "Would I lose my patience and yell like this if I only had one child? Probably not."

But who knows? Maybe I would.

I guess what makes me a good mom is that I always, always, always apologize after I lose my patience and yell. haha!

(And I am very affectionate, say "I love you" and "I am proud of you" 100 times a day, etc.)

(One more thing----it is soooooooooo easy to be a good mom to a sweet baby who doesn't cry much, smiles ALLLLLL the time, and is so cuddly and adorable!!! I don't want Abram to get ANY older---if I could, I would keep him this age FOREVER!!!! He's such a doll!!!!)

Jennie · Guru

Thank you all for continuing to answer.

Now I need to answer my own question.

It is a hard question to answer when you're so wrapped up in what you're doing wrong and what you could be doing better. But when you take away all the negatives and the "what if's" etc and get at the heart of who I am before I had children and how I've changed since I've had children and how I was raised and the kind of mother my mother was and the kind of person she is then you'll find what makes me a good mother. Make sense?

For example- she's a cold stone. Sounds mean but its true. She's a stone. No affection. She's cruel. Nothing positive to say past a bland, "That's nice." So I ALWAYS make sure that I let Colin know how much I love him, appreciate him, am proud of him, and love his creativity. I let him know that I love his artwork, that I love the way he thinks. And I encourage it versus stifle it. And I take part in it.
It was the middle of September and he wanted me to plug in the Christmas lights (yes, they were still up from last year outside) and we started spinning around like satellites (his idea) in the backyard. And it was great. And he had so much fun. And I loved it.
We don't always have fun. I have my awful moments where I'm "mean mommy" and I'm yelling and devoid of any sort of patience b/c we're having a tough day. But then when I read him his story we have our motto, "Tomorrow is a new day."
And like Becky, its so easy with Addy b/c she is a smiling baby who is way easier than Colin was as a baby.
To me its not what I cook or how I cook it. Its not how many times I do or don't yell at him. Its about making sure that at the end of the day he knows that I do what I do because I do love him.
Seriously- what makes me a good mother is I don't do what my mother did. Plain and simple. She was a pretty shitty mother. Excuse my language.

Sunshine · Guru

I don't usually think I am. Not much of it comes naturally to me; I'm not patient and I'm not really a floor games player, etc.

But...I do know I get some things right. My strengths as a mom:

-I am very affectionate with them (I'm sure they'll hate that later, lol). I'm never too busy to scoop them up (even if it's the 100th time in 5 minutes Lance has asked me; he seems to be the one who needs/wants it most, most days).

-I can't stay mad. I do get irritated more easily than I should with them some days and I feel bad about it, but it's easy to turn that into giggles all around within just a few minutes.

-I'm good at making them laugh when they're upset/calming them down in general.

sappy · Guru

Like everyone I question myself a ton. a TON.However, Jennie asked for the positive so I'm going to focus on that.

- I will do whatever it takes even when it's hard on me. (needles, chemo, therapies, etc...)

- I am here for them almost 100% of the time and when I'm not here their daddy or grandma is.

- I know them. I can tell you before one of my kids is going to grow or get a fever or throw up or fall asleep.... I just know them.

- I try. I don't always get everything 100% right but I try and try because they are the most important in the world.

Sonya · Guru

Tough question.

I let them be kids. I let them get crazy messy. I let them color all over themselves and do foot finger painting. I let them play with water, or rice, or macaroni and not worry about the mess.

I let them try new things.

I run around with them like a fool.

I try to think of things they will think is really fun to do.

I love them like crazy.

Juni · Guru

Sonya wrote:

Tough question.

I let them be kids. I let them get crazy messy. I let them color all over themselves and do foot finger painting. I let them play with water, or rice, or macaroni and not worry about the mess.

I let them try new things.

I run around with them like a fool.

I try to think of things they will think is really fun to do.

I love them like crazy.

:hi5

This is me too. I have relaxed so much about how the house looks and am doing better just letting my kids be kids. I am a total goof ball with them and am doing much better about not flipping out when they make a mess that is crazy.

Over the summer we went to the farmer's market downtown for the first time and had plans to go somewhere else afterward. At the end we found there was a big water fountain thing that pops out of the ground and the boys wanted to play in it SO bad. So I let them. And Doug kept worrying about how they were going to dry for the next thing - and they were going to be wet and we didn't plan on this and blah blah blah. And normally that would have been me too.

But I told him, who cares! They will remember how much fun they had instead of how disappointed they were that we told them no when all the other kids were having a ball. And they had the best time and it was so fun watching them and running in the water with them. And they were too wet for us to go to the next thing but it just didn't matter. It's a silly experience but that's the kind of mom I want to be.

crystal · Guru

i love to be silly with him. we always laugh together. this is something he and i share with each other because efe really isn't silly, but mason and i love to be silly together.

i am super affectionate with him and he KNOWS i love him. i am so sorry to those of you who had mothers that were not affectionate.

i am very patient with him most of the time.

i have a special bond with mason and i feel like i just know him so well. i try to use this to interpret his needs and be a better mother.

i try to really explain things when he asks and not just blow his questions off, even though it can be so painful sometimes.

i listen to him and try to get him to talk about his feelings.

if i make a promise to him, i keep it even if i wish i hadn't promised it.

crystal · Guru

Juni wrote:

Sonya wrote:

Tough question.

I let them be kids. I let them get crazy messy. I let them color all over themselves and do foot finger painting. I let them play with water, or rice, or macaroni and not worry about the mess.

I let them try new things.

I run around with them like a fool.

I try to think of things they will think is really fun to do.

I love them like crazy.

:hi5

This is me too. I have relaxed so much about how the house looks and am doing better just letting my kids be kids. I am a total goof ball with them and am doing much better about not flipping out when they make a mess that is crazy.

Over the summer we went to the farmer's market downtown for the first time and had plans to go somewhere else afterward. At the end we found there was a big water fountain thing that pops out of the ground and the boys wanted to play in it SO bad. So I let them. And Doug kept worrying about how they were going to dry for the next thing - and they were going to be wet and we didn't plan on this and blah blah blah. And normally that would have been me too.

But I told him, who cares! They will remember how much fun they had instead of how disappointed they were that we told them no when all the other kids were having a ball. And they had the best time and it was so fun watching them and running in the water with them. And they were too wet for us to go to the next thing but it just didn't matter. It's a silly experience but that's the kind of mom I want to be.

that is great, jen. i love that story. what great memories.

i am like this a lot, but efe hates it. i am very spontaneous and ok with changing plans, but he cannot stand it. so, if mason and i are alone, stuff like this happens a lot. why not, ya know? let them have fun! they will have so much more fun doing that one unplanned, soaking wet thing than they will anything else you could have done. and, what does it hurt that they were wet for a bit. when i'm with efe though, normally we don't do those things as much because he can't stand the change of plans and it isn't worth an argument.