I need some help with Anna. As you all know, she has a hard time socially, and she struggles to get used to being at school, even though she loves it, which I know is socially driven.
When I watch her around other kids, she seems to *want* to be involved, and she *wants* to be social, but she doesn't know how. It makes sense-with the exception of Emma and Brooke (my neighbor's daughters), she spends most all of her time around family, so she isn't practiced at being social except with them, and unlike Kate, it doesn't come naturally to her.
But I want to help her-I am just not sure how. My acupuncturist suggested play dates, which I know I really should make an effort to do. I definitely think that is a good thing to do. What other things can I do to help her feel comfortable interacting socially?
There is a difference. Allison is very shy. She is slow to warm up to situations and strange people. The odd thing is she is totally fine at school and plays with everyone very well and with ease. It is more outside that environment that I see the shyness. Like if we went to a school picnic, church, etc.
I really would try play dates and make it a habit for a bit. By bringing in new people it will give her a way to make new friends and feel more comfortable at school with the others. Also, a big thing is to go to the friends home too. It is very different when they are their turf. Bringing them to their home will help her interact.
It depends on her personality. Some people will pretty much never be comfortable in a social situation (waving). Others just need a little education on how to interact or initiate things.
I, personally, see nothing wrong with not being comfortable with it. However, I know society sees it as a fatal flaw. I suppose you could teach her what to say in certain situations and see what happens. I'm not sure what else to suggest. For me, it's a matter of not really wanting the social interaction very often. On those rare occasions I do, I don't want to be seen as rude by butting in, so I do nothing. I'm much more comfortable having the situation thrust on me (that sounds weird, but it's the best way I can think of to explain), such as being asked questions or being invited to join.
There is a difference. Allison is very shy. She is slow to warm up to situations and strange people. The odd thing is she is totally fine at school and plays with everyone very well and with ease. It is more outside that environment that I see the shyness. Like if we went to a school picnic, church, etc.
I really would try play dates and make it a habit for a bit. By bringing in new people it will give her a way to make new friends and feel more comfortable at school with the others. Also, a big thing is to go to the friends home too. It is very different when they are their turf. Bringing them to their home will help her interact.
I would not classify her as shy. I would say she is timid, and she can be skiddish around certain types of kids. But when I watch her with the other kids, I can tell she wants to interact, but seems to not to know how to jump in.
I asked her today if she wants to have a playdate with one of the girls in her class, and she said, "Yes! Can she come over today?" "How about tomorrow?" So i think she really wants that.
It depends on her personality. Some people will pretty much never be comfortable in a social situation (waving). Others just need a little education on how to interact or initiate things.
I, personally, see nothing wrong with not being comfortable with it. However, I know society sees it as a fatal flaw. I suppose you could teach her what to say in certain situations and see what happens. I'm not sure what else to suggest. For me, it's a matter of not really wanting the social interaction very often. On those rare occasions I do, I don't want to be seen as rude by butting in, so I do nothing. I'm much more comfortable having the situation thrust on me (that sounds weird, but it's the best way I can think of to explain), such as being asked questions or being invited to join.
IKWYM. I am not really all that social. I can be, and I am not terribly uncomfortable in doing so, but sometimes I just need to be alone. ITU too about being asked questions and such-I find that so much easier when I am around new people too. And I don't think there is anything wrong with not being terribly social. But then I am married to someone who struggles with that to a degree too...
But I see in Anna that she *wants* to be part of the group, kwim? I think she really does want to be social. I see her watching other kids, dancing around them in a nervous kind of way while she is smiling and laughing along with them. It just seems like she really wants to be a part of it, but like you had mentioned, needs to be invited in to feel comfortable with it, or she isn't sure how to go about it herself. And she always wants to be around other people and play with other kids and such. Unlike Kate, who will play for long stretches on her own, Anna doesn't like that, kwim?
I think your idea for a play date is fantastic. I am trying to remember, but I am thinking that you have mornings only preschool. One thing that may help that we do here is forming a lunch bunch. After preschool on Wednesdays we are all meeting at the park near by (it will change in winter to somewhere inside) for lunch. Some of us stay and play and others go onto whatever they are doing. I know it's helped Elizabeth quite a bit to get to know other kids better at her school and their parents.
