What do you do? I have known a family member forever, but we have also always been friends. However, I have always known she isn't as sane as could be. I can ignore it pretty well because of my issues with my mom (I don't blink when someone is utterly weird) but I am wondering if she is suffering from something more serious. AKA bipolar.
Her symptoms fit, especially this last weekend when I was awoken at 3am to hysteria about something that actually wasn't happening. Long story, but she was freaking out about paranoia that just.wasn't.happening. She didn't sleep at all that night and kept calling and at 7am saying she was getting perverted (sick, sick stuff) texts from someone (who wouldn't do that and I talked to them) but they were deleted as she read them. I know that isn't possible.
She lost that friend that night as I guess she responded with a text that she was scared followed by 150 exclamation points. The person she was talking to had no idea what she was talking about nor why she should be scared as she called him at 2 am and proceeded to talk for 58 minutes about her life being perfect. I know him, and I know her.
Suffice to say I call that some mania.
So I actually wondered if she was going to lose it that day and wanted her to check in with me. Sadly, I am scared to mention "mental illness" because she won't admit her life isn't perfect in any way whatsoever. She would lose it big time if I even suggested it! That is also one of the things that makes her a bit weird. She lies a lot about a lot of stuff, so to get her to that level where she would listen to me and not flip out would take a skilled professional honestly.
So do you go to other family members and voice your concern? Do you hope they pick up the slack you are scared to pick up? Do you bite the bullet and mention how you think they need help in the nicest way possible (because there is NO judgement, but utter concern)? Do you wait until they break and hope nobody is hurt? Do you wait for her husband to pick up the slack and notice and DO something? Do you ignore it completely because it isn't your business?
All I know is that she isn't on drugs, drinks some but isn't completely hammered when she does her weirdest stuff, lies A LOT about stuff that is verifiably not true, has periods where she NEVER sleeps, talks a mile a minute when this is happening and can be funny, happy or scared and paranoid. I don't know if she gets depressed.
But it seems, well, not a way to live. And I bet she could get help. And I bet I would be the only one in the family/friends to suggest it as my family doesn't do that sort of thing. But I bet if I suggest it I would be hated immediately. Not just by her but by the rest of the family (you don't talk about it).
I don't have a friend, but my mom has suffered from varying severity of mental illness my whole life. She has been committed to hospitals several times, and on at least one occasion "accidentley" overdosed on sleeping pills.
I also have at least a student or two a year that I have to have a conversation with along the lines of "you are freaking out everyone around you" but in a gentler way.
I am a fan of calling out the awkwardness of a conversation before having it, laying out choices, and taking care of yourself.
I obviously don't know everything in your relationship with your friend and how the dynamics would work, but my conversations generally involve..
"So, I need to have a really awkward conversation with you. It might be uncomfortable for both of us, so let's just acknowledge the awkwardness and dive in. I'm worried about you. These specific examples make me worried about you. I want to help, but there also seems to be a lot going on for you. It can't feel good to be so scared like you were the other night. These are some local resources I found that might help. Sometimes we just need someone to help us sort through things. I love you, I'm just scared for you for all the stuff you have to deal with. Want me to go with you the first time? Can we call right now to set something up?"
And now you've all pretty much sat through a training session for our resident assistants, lol. You would be surprised (maybe) at how much mental illness we deal with on campus. This is WAY off topic, but close to my heart: if anyone is ever soncerned in anyway that someone is considering suicide, ask that hard question, straight out, "are you thinking of killing yourself". It won't give them the idea if they already have it, and the answer may very well be yes. If no, they wont' be mad, they move on very quickly to what their issue is. Sorry, passionate about this. We just lost another student this past week to suicide.
One last thing, i think at some point you throw a life line, you show the way to resources, but ultimately it is her choice. I love my mother, I will always support my mother, but I also will not allow myself to be driven into the ground with the roller coaster of highs and lows. When medicated, I am in her life. When she chooses to stop medicating because she feels good (because of the medication...ironic), I distance myself. Fair or not, that is how I have dealt with her illness over the years.
um, and you thought your post was a novel. Geesh I'm wordy.
i don't have anything more to add but i want you to know i hope your friend hears you & starts caring for herself. this must be a tough situation for both of you.
Jenn- that conversation outline is absolutely what I needed. I feel I have to have the conversation, and now I see a delicate way to have it, and after that I have done what I could. Thank you so much! It is never fun to have akward conversations, especially with mental illness.
I appreciate it and will update when I see her in person again and have the convo.
I am glad Jenn has some wonderful insight and advice for you. I just wanted you to know that I am saying a prayer for you and your friend too. I hope it goes better than you expect.
