I know this has been brought up before, but I was wondering where all the 2005 kiddos are in terms of socialization.
We had yet another heartbreaking experience at the mall playground today. Meghan went up to a little girl(of maybe 5?) and asked if she could play with her. After a few seconds, the little girl just said "No" and Meghan walked away and went to play by herself. A minute later she came over to me and told me what happened. I told her to just go and play and she'll end up meeting other kids. Just go and have fun. She went off and was kind of following kids but noone really responded. I think a lot of them were friends already but there were definitely kids there she could have played with.
After playing by herself for a little while longer, she was sitting on top of one of the structures and just started saying "Does any one want to play with me?" over and over again.
This is not something new. I can't tell you how many times I've seen it happen and it has really hurt her confidence.
I know so much of this is my fault. I used to pressure her into trying to play with kids. I've definitely stopped but maybe a bit too late. I have no friends around here so we're always alone. I only tried setting up one playdate last year and stopped after that one didn't materialize.
I've decided to go full speed into trying to do things to get her involved with other kids this year. *She's already signed up for soccer (but knowing her, I don't have high hopes that she will enjoy it).
*I emailed a mom's club in our neighborhood again to see how to join. The problem with that is that they mostly meet in the morning when Meghan will be in school and I work.
*I am going to talk to her teacher right away to discuss my concerns and see if I can get reports on how she is doing, who she is friendly with and to see if the teacher can encourage small group or partner activities.
*Although it's pretty far, tiny and full of either nannies or moms that are already there with other moms for a playdate, I'll take her to the mall playground more often. This will probably be helpful after I have the baby. DH also works across the street so we can meet for lunch.
Another issue is her speech. I am giving it a couple more months and then will go down the path of getting her private speech therapy (we really can't afford it right now but she didn't qualify through the public school. I was hoping she would catch up over the summer).
She was in camp for 7 weeks in the mornings and I kept asking the head counselor how she was doing. She said she is definitely playing and she doesn't see any issues. Why is it that I've never seen anything BUT issues then? Hopefully having her teacher also give me feedback will clear this up.
Is there anything else I can do? I've done some research and every article says that if you really feel there is an issue with socialization and it's not just shyness, contact a profession. What kind of professional though? For speech, you go to a speech therapist. Motor skills to a physical therapist. Who do you go to for social awkwardness? (and do they offer services for adults as well? )
I really feel like I've screwed up my child already and have a lot of back-peddling to do. She is never around other kids, isn't on a schedule and plays too many video games. *sigh* So I am incredibly commited to turning these things around from here on out. I figure better late than never and better now than after the baby is born!
Ok. I can totally understand how you feel, but maybe there is not a problem?
How did she do at school? The teachers never noticed a problem? You said the camp said she was interacting fine?
Honestly, when allie often plays at the park and mall she does not make friends so to speak. Sometimes kids play around one another, but often if they are there with other friends or siblings they do no always look for other kids.
What else have you seen that makes you think she has socialization issues?
I often think that I do not have enough play dates for Allie. She plays so well by herself and I feel guilty about it. She loved school and did great. She does have a really good friend from school,but they do not live near and it is hard for me to get together with moms since I work.
What do you think is wrong with her speech? Are you saying kids do not understand her?
Ok. I can totally understand how you feel, but maybe there is not a problem?
How did she do at school? The teachers never noticed a problem? You said the camp said she was interacting fine?
Honestly, when allie often plays at the park and mall she does not make friends so to speak. Sometimes kids play around one another, but often if they are there with other friends or siblings they do no always look for other kids.
What else have you seen that makes you think she has socialization issues?
I often think that I do not have enough play dates for Allie. She plays so well by herself and I feel guilty about it. She loved school and did great. She does have a really good friend from school,but they do not live near and it is hard for me to get together with moms since I work.
What do you think is wrong with her speech? Are you saying kids do not understand her?
There is a tiny part of me that is thinking maybe there isn't an issue as well. That's I'm reverting back to the first year she was born and worrying about everything LOL.
Mike and I were just talking about it and I asked about the last time he took Meghan to a party with her little cousins(I was sick and couldn't go). He said she did a lot better and when he would go in to check on her, she was doing the things the other kids were doing. He can't really say that she was playing "with" them, if that makes sense but it is definitely progress.
One example (and this is the day I realized I was pushing and putting pressure on here and really realized I need to back off). At her cousin's birthday party a few months ago, she would not do anything the other kids were doing. There was a Little Mermaid impersonator that came and did face painting, a magician, they played musical chairs, etc. She didn't participate in any of it and instead went upstairs to the little girls room to draw. But you could tell she was upset and emotional about it. This definitely may have been because I was so upset/confused/disappointed she wouldn't do anything and it was obvious :bag: I know... that was one of the worst things I could have shown her. Then all the kids just thought she was weird and would have nothing to do with her.
Her teachers said she was going good with socialization last year at school. Not great, but definitely much improved since she had started, considering it was really her first group experience. Had some issues with sharing but I think that's to be expected and we've worked on it.
Her speech is pretty bad. Her vocabulary is AMAZING and blows people away but that is if you can understand what she is saying. She has a big problem with dropping the 2nd letter in a word , like sweet is seet. And something like four because foe. I do think some of the issues may be because other kids don't understand her. Which really makes me think I shouldn't wait any longer to get her into speech.
I just really hope her teacher is someone who is open to a parent being actively involved and is willing to work with me.
Henry was always awkward socially and rarely played with other kids.
I have to tell you though that having Mark changed him so, so, so much for the better. Even though they are five years apart, Henry had a built-in playmate--well after a while--and he really figured out how to deal with other kids. It was the best thing in the world for him.
And now, Henry doesn't have a large group of friends but he is happy with the few good friends that he does have.
One thing I did for Henry that I know many moms don't enjoy was--I played with him. And I mean I played with him often and for long periods of time. There weren't any other kids around our neighborhood so he had to practice with me--pretend school, board games, follow the leader, all that stuff. I must tell you that when I was huge and pg with Mark, it almost killed me to play with Henry so much but it's amazing how much pretend school you can conduct while sitting on a bed.
Oh, and the "professional" that I consulted was Henry's pediatrician at his well check-up. He told me to keep an eye on it and at age 6, when I brought up the concerns again, he referred me to a pediatric neuropsychologist (or something like that).
Mark is a bit shy and slow to engage unknown children in play, although he will do it after a while. He is not shy with children that he has known for a long time. At his preschool, there is a one-way mirror so parents can watch their kids and I see Mark joining other kids in play. I've also seen him helping others and sharing.
If a grownup (any grownup that isn't a relative) asks Mark something, he will clamp his lips tight and try to disappear. Every once in a while, he'll respond with a wave (when prompted to say "hi" or "bye") or hold up 4 fingers (when asked his age).
Ok. I can totally understand how you feel, but maybe there is not a problem?
How did she do at school? The teachers never noticed a problem? You said the camp said she was interacting fine?
Honestly, when allie often plays at the park and mall she does not make friends so to speak. Sometimes kids play around one another, but often if they are there with other friends or siblings they do no always look for other kids.
What else have you seen that makes you think she has socialization issues?
I often think that I do not have enough play dates for Allie. She plays so well by herself and I feel guilty about it. She loved school and did great. She does have a really good friend from school,but they do not live near and it is hard for me to get together with moms since I work.
What do you think is wrong with her speech? Are you saying kids do not understand her?
There is a tiny part of me that is thinking maybe there isn't an issue as well. That's I'm reverting back to the first year she was born and worrying about everything LOL.
Mike and I were just talking about it and I asked about the last time he took Meghan to a party with her little cousins(I was sick and couldn't go). He said she did a lot better and when he would go in to check on her, she was doing the things the other kids were doing. He can't really say that she was playing "with" them, if that makes sense but it is definitely progress.
One example (and this is the day I realized I was pushing and putting pressure on here and really realized I need to back off). At her cousin's birthday party a few months ago, she would not do anything the other kids were doing. There was a Little Mermaid impersonator that came and did face painting, a magician, they played musical chairs, etc. She didn't participate in any of it and instead went upstairs to the little girls room to draw. But you could tell she was upset and emotional about it. This definitely may have been because I was so upset/confused/disappointed she wouldn't do anything and it was obvious :bag: I know... that was one of the worst things I could have shown her. Then all the kids just thought she was weird and would have nothing to do with her.
Her teachers said she was going good with socialization last year at school. Not great, but definitely much improved since she had started, considering it was really her first group experience. Had some issues with sharing but I think that's to be expected and we've worked on it.
Her speech is pretty bad. Her vocabulary is AMAZING and blows people away but that is if you can understand what she is saying. She has a big problem with dropping the 2nd letter in a word , like sweet is seet. And something like four because foe. I do think some of the issues may be because other kids don't understand her. Which really makes me think I shouldn't wait any longer to get her into speech.
I just really hope her teacher is someone who is open to a parent being actively involved and is willing to work with me.
Hmmm, I think if she is doing well in school socially that is very telling. I mean the socialization part from what you posted does not sound abnormal to me, but maybe there is more you are seeing. Sharing is hard at this age. I know for us, Allison was so use to being an only child. She hates Mia touching her things and was so use to everything being just so. It takes time for them to learn that.
I would talk to her teacher and see what they say. In our school they do start to work with them around 4 if they are having speech issues, but I also know that between 4 and 5 a lot can change. Her teacher should be willing to work with you. Do you get to have a parent/teacher meeting at the start of the year? IF not, make an apt to see her and not just at pick up. Just tell her your concerns and be very honest. Do not worry about how it may look. They should be able to give you good feedback.
Hmmm, I think if she is doing well in school socially that is very telling. I mean the socialization part from what you posted does not sound abnormal to me, but maybe there is more you are seeing. Sharing is hard at this age. I know for us, Allison was so use to being an only child. She hates Mia touching her things and was so use to everything being just so. It takes time for them to learn that.
I would talk to her teacher and see what they say. In our school they do start to work with them around 4 if they are having speech issues, but I also know that between 4 and 5 a lot can change. Her teacher should be willing to work with you. Do you get to have a parent/teacher meeting at the start of the year? IF not, make an apt to see her and not just at pick up. Just tell her your concerns and be very honest. Do not worry about how it may look. They should be able to give you good feedback.
You say she is not shy at all, right?
I think the most important resource I have in all of this will be her teacher this year. Last year, I didn't have a conference at the beginning of the year but will set one up right away this time.
I don't think I'd call her shy anymore. In the past I may have but I think it was more disinterested than shy. Now she is definitely making the initiative to play with other kids, but I think she ends up feeling like no one likes her so she doesn't try as much.
I also think we need to work on her self confidence at home more (and I need to do a lot of research on how to do this... I have no idea). When she approaches another child, it is often with her head down , almost waiting for them to say no. I almost wish I could break her from asking to play and just joining right in, but she is incredibly polite and that is just part of who she is. She's aggressive in some areas but when it comes to approaching other kids, she definitely isn't.
Another thing is that she isn't the typical girl. She'll want to put on her prettiest dress and then have a wrestling match with you LOL. So all the girls in her class would go to play with the kitchen or the dollhouse while she would want to play with the action figures. So she had to ask a boy. And the boys (already!?! LOL) didn't want to play with a girl... they wanted to play superheroes with boys. I think this was better in camp and she ended up playing with the boys more than the girls.
Anyway, thank you so much for your advice (and you too Robin!!). I think the best things I can do are to make sure I am communicating with her teacher and to put myself out there more to set up playdates and get her around kids her age more often.
Di, I haven't read any other replies, but with my whole being I do not want you eating yourself up with mommy guilt.
Honestly, I think one of the hardest parts of this mom gig is seeing your child upset. Hannah recently went through the same type of situation at soccer camp.
She's an amazing girl, and I think you are doing all the right things. But, I know you well enough to know that we are a like in a lot of ways, and I think one of those ways may be projecting our fears onto them. Not in a detrimental way, just in the way that I know that pain as an adult, and tend to assume that Hannah must be as heartbroken as I get.
Having had a zillion nieces and nephews, I remember this age VERY well, and I really think it was the most significant change any of them went through. The year between 4-5 really is crazy in how much they change and grow.
She's perfect the way she is. As she gets involved in these other activities, I think 2 things will happen - 1) she'll find something that she really loves and/or excels at and it will boost her confidence and 2) she'll make a friend in the most random of places, and in the right timing, when she's ready, it'll just click, and she'll have her mojo back.
But, the hard part is that she isn't going through it alone (or at least this is how it is in my house) - because you are going through it with her. Opening her up requires you to open up on her behalf, and that is so, so hard. But you're putting yourself out there to, and that can only benefit you both.
Diane I completely understand what you are saying. It can be so hard to watch them try to find their way among their peers.
Does she have any interests like art, dance, etc.? Maybe find something that really interests her and get her involved in a class. She will then be with kids of like interests and hopefully will be able to develop some friendships there.
It sounds like she is doing well at school though for the most part. It's interesting you bring this up b/c even though Lauren is NOT shy she has different social skills than most kids her age and I find myself needlessly worrying. She feels the need to tell everything in such a scientific way and kids just look at her like she has 2 heads and she doesn't get why they don't love to hear about it. I worry that she will be that nerdy little girl who is teased. :(
I watched all the moms this week at drop off for preschool and I could see them thinking/wondering the same thing. Another mom and I agreed a quiet child is not always a bad thing. :smile
t/j first to say that, um, 1L, you need a new sig. LMAO!
now, diane, i have to say that i am agreeing with everyone else, especially leah. i am going through a similar guilt b/c emily has NO friends. none. no playdates EVER, nothing. it tears me up. but what i am really hoping is that it's just because of her age and that just because that's where we stand at 4, that doesn't mean it will be that way at 4.5. there's no window of opportunity that will close, kwim?
last year was tough b/c we only had 4-6 kids in her class with her and they all had various degrees of special needs (and all but 1 was a boy). this year she'll be in a class of 18 and i'm going to take the initiative to try to find out who she's friendly with at school and try to set up playdates for her.
anyway, i didn't mean to make this about me - just to say that although you are concerned, she has PLENTY of time to figure this social thing out and you have tons of ideas on how to keep working with her. and that's what matters.
ok ok ok. i havent read the rest of the responses but PLEASE dont blame yourself! it has nothing to do with anything youve done or not done. i am a FIRM believer that "early socialization" doesnt make much of an impact.
it sounds to me like 7 weeks of camp was a great step, and it sounds to me that meghan IS interested in other kids and playing with them -- i wouldnt worry about "issues" at all.
i have to tell you, R is still extremely shy and this summer, i finally did go to a psychologist. i got the referral through my pedi. i was worrying bc she never initiates convo with other kids, she barely responds when they talk to her, etc. i was a wreck diane. seriously a wreck. it was SO easy. i went in, told him my concerns. the next week he watched her play with C and me. the third week, he called me in for "suggestions." nothign is wrong in the slightest. she's shy, but he said not even out-of-range shyness. he said the initiation of convo will come, it's still normal not to be comfortable enough yet.
he told me, and this is important, that it's imperative to remember that theyre still learning. some need more hand holding, some dont, some are social leaders, some arent, and it doesnt mean anything about how they'll be later on. AND he said, there's nothing you can do to really improve this stuff at this age. it just comes naturally with time. (he was actually sort of poo-pooing the whole "activity" thing). he said for a kid like this, a small art class with a few kids is perfect, but a bigger thing might be overwhelming.
seriously if youre concerned, i'd get a psychologist's number through the pedi. it was the best money i've ever spent bc i was in a tailspin of worry, and now i'm just so relieved. he said a lot of my anx. prob comes from being a psychologist myself, and i just need to take some steps back. it was SO helpful. i know meghan and rachel are different situations (meghan seems like she's making an effort and getting rejected, while R isnt making an effort) - it's so hard to see - but if youre concerned, go and get your concerns quelled. it's worth it. :hug
Di, I'd say that it sounds pretty normal to me for this age.
I will also say that before we started daycare, I had tons of friends with kids the same age as charlie. We did lots of playdates and we have 5 cousins close to his age who we saw all the time. He was still very awkward socially. He only did side by side play and it took him from Aug until December to really play with other kids at daycare.
It is finally better. He plays with lots of different kids at daycare and he can play with other kids when we go out but it also happens that he doesn't play with anyone when we go out or that other kids don't want to play with him. It is so stressful. I worried about it all the time when he wasn't playing with anyone at daycare.
Hugs. I think talking to the teacher right at the start will be important. It will help her keep an eye out for any thing with Megan.
Ok. I can totally understand how you feel, but maybe there is not a problem?
How did she do at school? The teachers never noticed a problem? You said the camp said she was interacting fine?
Honestly, when allie often plays at the park and mall she does not make friends so to speak. Sometimes kids play around one another, but often if they are there with other friends or siblings they do no always look for other kids.
What else have you seen that makes you think she has socialization issues?
I often think that I do not have enough play dates for Allie. She plays so well by herself and I feel guilty about it. She loved school and did great. She does have a really good friend from school,but they do not live near and it is hard for me to get together with moms since I work.
What do you think is wrong with her speech? Are you saying kids do not understand her?
There is a tiny part of me that is thinking maybe there isn't an issue as well. That's I'm reverting back to the first year she was born and worrying about everything LOL.
Mike and I were just talking about it and I asked about the last time he took Meghan to a party with her little cousins(I was sick and couldn't go). He said she did a lot better and when he would go in to check on her, she was doing the things the other kids were doing. He can't really say that she was playing "with" them, if that makes sense but it is definitely progress.
One example (and this is the day I realized I was pushing and putting pressure on here and really realized I need to back off). At her cousin's birthday party a few months ago, she would not do anything the other kids were doing. There was a Little Mermaid impersonator that came and did face painting, a magician, they played musical chairs, etc. She didn't participate in any of it and instead went upstairs to the little girls room to draw. But you could tell she was upset and emotional about it. This definitely may have been because I was so upset/confused/disappointed she wouldn't do anything and it was obvious :bag: I know... that was one of the worst things I could have shown her. Then all the kids just thought she was weird and would have nothing to do with her.
Her teachers said she was going good with socialization last year at school. Not great, but definitely much improved since she had started, considering it was really her first group experience. Had some issues with sharing but I think that's to be expected and we've worked on it.
Her speech is pretty bad. Her vocabulary is AMAZING and blows people away but that is if you can understand what she is saying. She has a big problem with dropping the 2nd letter in a word , like sweet is seet. And something like four because foe. I do think some of the issues may be because other kids don't understand her. Which really makes me think I shouldn't wait any longer to get her into speech.
I just really hope her teacher is someone who is open to a parent being actively involved and is willing to work with me.
the going-off-on-her-own at a party sounds a lot like R up until this summer. she'd do this all the time, or just sit with me the whole time holding my hand, or refuse to participate unless C did too, etc. this summer, out of nowhere, she started participating. my jaw dropped. i promise diane, it's going to come. remember when we met in NYC? i was a wreck over this stuff.
i am guilty of putting pressure on R too. i was totally doing the same, and having the same worries. i asked the psych about this too. he said it's ok to aid them wiht their social skills, but that i should consider it a teaching experience rather than "pushing" - now, on a playdate, i'll guide R into talking. i'll say something like "R, your friend is asking you a question - you need to answer her ok?" -- yesterday we had a playdate and i did a little of that (not too much though) and then i eavesdropped on them playing in her room, and R was totally talking. i just think that sometimes they need the little push, in a VERY gentle way. and i dont know about M, but i know with R, if i'm there, she talks "through" me. when i'm not there, she does much better. of course i obviously dont get to see those times!! ug! the psych said talking through the mom is still totally normal now. they're just not brave enough to do it on their own yet.
I totally agree with the others Di, that she sounds perfectly normal to me. I think the fact that she even attempts to play with other kids is a huge thing. You can't control how other kids respond to her. Kids are just like that. I think that since the school says she's socializing good, then that's a good sign. I know you worry, that's just the mommy in us, but honestly, I think you're doing wonderfully with her, with sending her to camp and involving her in sports. And I also agree that a new baby will help her so much, I think!
SG is very social, and I have no idea where she gets it . Some kids play with her when she asks, some don't. That's just kids. When they don't, it upsets her, but she gets over it, I just kind of talk to her about it. And sometimes, that kid will eventually change his/her mind. I will admit that it upsets me too when they say "No" to her, but I get over it too
I don't think you've "messed her up", lol. I think she's very lucky to have a mom that's so concerned about her and loves her enough to be upset when she's upset.
I totally agree with the others Di, that she sounds perfectly normal to me. I think the fact that she even attempts to play with other kids is a huge thing. You can't control how other kids respond to her. Kids are just like that. I think that since the school says she's socializing good, then that's a good sign. I know you worry, that's just the mommy in us, but honestly, I think you're doing wonderfully with her, with sending her to camp and involving her in sports. And I also agree that a new baby will help her so much, I think!
SG is very social, and I have no idea where she gets it . Some kids play with her when she asks, some don't. That's just kids. When they don't, it upsets her, but she gets over it, I just kind of talk to her about it. And sometimes, that kid will eventually change his/her mind. I will admit that it upsets me too when they say "No" to her, but I get over it too
I don't think you've "messed her up", lol. I think she's very lucky to have a mom that's so concerned about her and loves her enough to be upset when she's upset.
ya know, just to add to this...i bet those moms of the kids saying "no" are worried about THEIR kid too. so many kids run up to R and ask her to play and she says no. i'm like, "OMG there's something wrong with her! she never wants to play!" and i bet those moms are like, "omg another kid rejected my little one!" this age is soooo hard!!!
I think as long as she is trying to engage then that's what counts. It seems like it could be that the other kids have the problem, not her. If they haven't been taught be to inclusive then that's their problem even though it effects you.
If the counselors at camp didn't see issues, believe them. Kids can act totally differently away from their parents.
Lots of hugs that you and she both can feel better about this. It's great that you care so much.
I have to agree with the others about the socialization aspect. It does sound like she is doing the same things as many of the others here. I can also tell you that for some unknown reason when we go to the mall playground, Elizabeth will ask others to play and the they other kids almost always say no. It seems like the mall is rejection city.
I honestly think that Meghan is doing well. I can also understand why you might be concerned about her speech. I will say it sounds like some of the constant blends are what she is having trouble with, which is perfectly normal. Elizabeth does not say "th" yet and there are some others too.
All of that being said, I think you should talk to your pediatrician. Not because I think something is wrong, but so you can tell him your concerns and he can refer you to someone if he thinks it is necessary. Mostly likely your insurance will cover it. This way you will have peace of mind, get rid of any mommy guilt (that maybe if I would have when....) and feel more confident. Also be sure to specifically address speech.
We had some concerns about Elizabeth. Actually some of them were the same socialization concerns. Through our insurance we had some extensive testing done. We will know more on Thursday, but from our testing day we did get an idea of what is going on. I am fairly certain her socialization is fine. We do know that her gross motor is not. Our insurance will pay for her therapy. I am not trying to make this about Elizabeth, but to let you know there are channels to go through that won't break the bank.
Hang in there, and I think you do have a good plan. If you have any questions about the testing they did on E let me know. :hug:
Wow. Thank you SO MUCH everyone for responding. You have all given me a new perspective on this and I feel so much better.
I will still do all the things I mentioned (even if the only benefit is to ease my mommy guilt a bit) but am definitely more relaxed now about how she is fitting into the world of the little ones.
And thanks to all who said that it has nothing to do with what I've done. It's so easy to let guilt overtake us. I've always felt horrible over the fact since I don't have any friends around here, Meghan doesn't. I kind of thought it would just happen once she started school or when we moved to this new neighborhood. Obviously I need to get myself out there and not expect everyone to just come to me.
I think I will still wait a couple months to decide on whether or not to send her for speech. First of all, my insurance does not cover a penny of it (which is why I went through the school district first.). Second, from things said on here and some of the research I have done, this should be the year where we see things change. If in a few months, the teacher, myself and her pedi (who does suggest speech therapy but she goes a bit overboard on everything so not the best gauge) all think she needs to go that route, we will find a way.
Thank you thank you thank you again. I love having you girls here .
Hey Diane....I just wanted to tell you that I understand the "mommy guilt" (Ivy is not having trouble with socialization like you describe, but I feel like I am not good at taking her places where she can meet friends). I try to take her places, but we never seem to meet the same kid. I did sort of discover something though. I take her to the park and she never seems to "connect" w/ any kid there (she is always off doing her own thing) but a couple days ago, she was playing in the sand box and her and another girl hit it off and were in there playing for like an hour and me and the mom talked (it was heavenly).
Di-I haven't read all of the responses yet, but please do not feel like you are screwing up your child. You are not. I know it is heartwrenching to watch them flounder in groups, and you just want to smack the little shits who won't let your kid join in, but it is NOT your fault. (ETA-not that they *are* little shits, lmao, but it makes you feel that way when your kid gets rejected)
I think you have some very good plans. Anna is not very social with other kids. She is very skiddish and gets scared off from kids very easily. So she sticks a lot to herself, and it is hard for me to watch sometimes, but the truth of it is, she is happy that way, so I try to just go with the flow. Her teacher last year told me that she really didn't interact with the other kids. She had a few girls in the class she considered her friends, but the teacher said they didn't really play together. Anna also didn't talk unless she was spoken to, but the teacher wasn't concerned AT ALL about it, and said she was a smart and fun little girl. I know my niece has had a lot of social problems, but now at six, she is having fun, going to people's houses, having playdates, etc. They will come into their own.
I think there is something to this age. They must be starting to want to socialize, but just aren't sure how to do it, because Anna is forever asking us, "Who can play with me?" "I have no one to play with!" "Mommy/daddy/Kate, will you please play with me?"
Anna doesn't do well in groups either, I have noticed. At the mall or on the playground, she is easily intimidated, and she doesn't know how to join in. Even when other kids come to *her*, she doesn't know how to respond. Kate is a different bird-you will see her off holding hands with someone and denying some little boy kisses, lol, but Anna, when approached by other kids, either grabs Kate and says, "Come on, Kate!" (which drives me nuts because I think it is so rude, and I usually step in and encourage her to say hello and introduce herself at the very least) or looks to us to see if it is ok. But in a one on one, she does soooooooo much better. She and my neighbor's daughter, Emma, are really good friends now. It helps that Emma is timid too, but you wouldn't know it about them to watch them play. It has taken YEARS of them playing side by side, but they finally play together and really have a great time. Anytime we do things in small groups or one on one, it goes so much better.
Emma has speech issues as well, and Anna has no problems understanding her. IDK if it because they have grown up together or what, but it has never been an issue for Anna or Kate.
Big hugs to you, mama. These worries are so hard, and trust me, you are doing a fabulous job.
-- Edited by Supafly on Saturday 29th of August 2009 12:58:35 PM
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. Some kids play with her when she asks, some don't. That's just kids. When they don't, it upsets her, but she gets over it, I just kind of talk to her about it. And sometimes, that kid will eventually change his/her mind. I will admit that it upsets me too when they say "No" to her, but I get over it too 
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