Finally Friday

Supafly · Guru

RE: Finally Friday

Erin · Guru

apies wrote:

Erin wrote:

April, dont mean to harass you, but do you still want a tag reader?

(Kiera has been quietly playing with hers by herself... Im just saying...lol)

LMAO!
yes, sorry. i had a crisis in my checking account yesterday that i shared here. i meant to make a $40 payment to my gap card and accidentally paid $4000 instead. as a result, i had a TON of NSF fees and all kinds of crap hit my account and it's just a disaster. and of course it's the account that it connected to my pp.
i know you sent back that money for MSBL7. i can send that back to you and then get the rest to you as soon as my bank refunds those fees (etc) and i have a positive balance again.
is that ok?
i'm so sorry i didn't email/pm you about this sooner. i really appreciate you going out of your way to get it for us.

Actually, just wait and send it al together whenever you get to it. I just wasnt sure if you changed your mind.

And, um, that SUCKS with the bank account. Do you remember two days before xmas the club Kyle belongs to for golf took out the ENTIRE year's dues, instead of that month. We had all of our xmas shopping bounce, and the fees just became crazy. I really hope they work with you on it.

Supafly · Guru

Chrissie wrote:

April, will Emily go to her room and stay in there when you tell her?

I'm just asking, because I have told M2 to go to his room before, and it doesn't work for me! I'm very frustrated lately!

Chrissie-I know you didn't ask me, but I thought I would chime in. Kate stays in time out or her room NOW, but it wasn't always so.

I did the Supernanny technique on her. Everytime she would come out, I would put her back in. The first time I would tell her she was in time out, then after that I stopped telling her anything, or speaking at all, and just kept putting her back until eventually she (begrudgingly) stayed.

It was awful when I used to have to do that. She can keep going with that stuff for a long time. (she comes by it honest-I ALWAYS outlasted my mom and dad) But the payoff is that now it is an effective means of punishment.

apies · Guru

Supafly wrote:

apies wrote:

Supafly wrote:

And that is the way it has been for Anna the few times she was sent there. It was awful for her and she still talks about it. (which is why I don't do it anymore-she was obviously traumatized by it, which is not my intent)

Maybe it is an age thing too. But Kate is the type who 1) wants her tantrums seens and heard, so seeing us ignore her is very painful for her, and 2) is out of sight, our of mind. Once she is in her room, she is in her own world and will do whatever she pleases. And if I told her to just sit and not move, she would do the opposite out of spite. I have even tried holding her so that she can't move, and whispering to her (nice things, lol), but it makes her RAGE like you can not even imagine. I learned real fast that was NOT the way to go with her.

Anyway, it sounds like the room might be something that works for Em!

we will see. i'm a little worried about the trauma like what you were saying about anna's response. i will see what she says to matt tomorrow when he gets home. if she can explain rationally without getting distraught about the punishment, then i'm ok with her continuing in there for now.
we'll see. thanks for hashing this all out with me.

That sounds like a great plan. You will have to update and let us know how thigns are going.

I hope you don't feel like I am overstepping. I certainly don't think I am any expert or anything, so I am just throwing out ideas.

Btw, did you get in touch with anyone about the $4K charges??? What is going on with that??? You know, I HATE the CC companies that don't have the options for you laid out-when I have to type in the amount to pay, I always get nervous that I am going to right in the wrong thing, and I end up checking and double checking and such. I MUCH prefer when there are the options of the minimum payment, the full balance or type in your own amount, and I can just click on the right option (which for me is rarely the type in your own). Much less chance of error.

i got a lot of it resolved. my bank waved only 1 of the NSF fees, but i had to eat the rest.

gap waved the late fee and returned check free.

us bank (i had paid them on the same day and that payment was returned) agreed to wave the returned check fee next month when i make my next payment as long as i call and make the payment over the phone (for no fee).

now i just have to wait for the acct to get worked out. :sigh:

apies · Guru

Erin wrote:

apies wrote:

Erin wrote:

April, dont mean to harass you, but do you still want a tag reader?

(Kiera has been quietly playing with hers by herself... Im just saying...lol)

LMAO!
yes, sorry. i had a crisis in my checking account yesterday that i shared here. i meant to make a $40 payment to my gap card and accidentally paid $4000 instead. as a result, i had a TON of NSF fees and all kinds of crap hit my account and it's just a disaster. and of course it's the account that it connected to my pp.
i know you sent back that money for MSBL7. i can send that back to you and then get the rest to you as soon as my bank refunds those fees (etc) and i have a positive balance again.
is that ok?
i'm so sorry i didn't email/pm you about this sooner. i really appreciate you going out of your way to get it for us.

Actually, just wait and send it al together whenever you get to it. I just wasnt sure if you changed your mind.

And, um, that SUCKS with the bank account. Do you remember two days before xmas the club Kyle belongs to for golf took out the ENTIRE year's dues, instead of that month. We had all of our xmas shopping bounce, and the fees just became crazy. I really hope they work with you on it.

omg, i DO remember that!!!!!! holy crap. that would be much worse.

i will send it to you later this weekend, i'm hoping.

tysm for being so patient.

Chrissie · Guru

Supafly wrote:

Chrissie wrote:

April, will Emily go to her room and stay in there when you tell her?

I'm just asking, because I have told M2 to go to his room before, and it doesn't work for me! I'm very frustrated lately!

Chrissie-I know you didn't ask me, but I thought I would chime in. Kate stays in time out or her room NOW, but it wasn't always so.

I did the Supernanny technique on her. Everytime she would come out, I would put her back in. The first time I would tell her she was in time out, then after that I stopped telling her anything, or speaking at all, and just kept putting her back until eventually she (begrudgingly) stayed.

It was awful when I used to have to do that. She can keep going with that stuff for a long time. (she comes by it honest-I ALWAYS outlasted my mom and dad) But the payoff is that now it is an effective means of punishment.

Thanks for your input! I have tried the supernanny way before, but seriously it took over an hour for him to stay where I put him. I don't have the patience for that. (and didn't stay the next time either)

I really need to try to do it again. Seriously how do you stay calm. It's so hard to keep my cool. After working all day I just want to come home and enjoy what little time I have with him, then he starts acting crazy.

Supafly · Guru

apies wrote:

Supafly wrote:

apies wrote:

Supafly wrote:

And that is the way it has been for Anna the few times she was sent there. It was awful for her and she still talks about it. (which is why I don't do it anymore-she was obviously traumatized by it, which is not my intent)

Maybe it is an age thing too. But Kate is the type who 1) wants her tantrums seens and heard, so seeing us ignore her is very painful for her, and 2) is out of sight, our of mind. Once she is in her room, she is in her own world and will do whatever she pleases. And if I told her to just sit and not move, she would do the opposite out of spite. I have even tried holding her so that she can't move, and whispering to her (nice things, lol), but it makes her RAGE like you can not even imagine. I learned real fast that was NOT the way to go with her.

Anyway, it sounds like the room might be something that works for Em!

we will see. i'm a little worried about the trauma like what you were saying about anna's response. i will see what she says to matt tomorrow when he gets home. if she can explain rationally without getting distraught about the punishment, then i'm ok with her continuing in there for now.
we'll see. thanks for hashing this all out with me.

That sounds like a great plan. You will have to update and let us know how thigns are going.

I hope you don't feel like I am overstepping. I certainly don't think I am any expert or anything, so I am just throwing out ideas.

Btw, did you get in touch with anyone about the $4K charges??? What is going on with that??? You know, I HATE the CC companies that don't have the options for you laid out-when I have to type in the amount to pay, I always get nervous that I am going to right in the wrong thing, and I end up checking and double checking and such. I MUCH prefer when there are the options of the minimum payment, the full balance or type in your own amount, and I can just click on the right option (which for me is rarely the type in your own). Much less chance of error.

i got a lot of it resolved. my bank waved only 1 of the NSF fees, but i had to eat the rest.
gap waved the late fee and returned check free.
us bank (i had paid them on the same day and that payment was returned) agreed to wave the returned check fee next month when i make my next payment as long as i call and make the payment over the phone (for no fee).
now i just have to wait for the acct to get worked out. :sigh:

What an ordeal!!!! OMG!!!! I can't believe they made you eat the rest of those fees. That SUCKS.

Wow. I'm sorry that happened.

Erin · Guru

apies wrote:
...

wow, i am shocked that kiera is like emily, but a part of me is so glad someone else understands!

i am going to try the "take this hug with you" line b/c em tries that a lot. she's start crying and i'll say, "emily, what is wrong NOW?" and she'll say "i need a hug!" :eyeroll: it's just her stall tactic. i'm going to try your idea and see if that will work.

i am hoping she can make some friends this year for playdates (last year's classmates were pretty low level special needs, so we didn't really have any strong connections in that class), but i'm worried it will go just like you're describing!
tysm erin.

While Kiera is high functioning in many areas, her play (imagination, etc) has never been her strong point. Not really sure if it is emotional maturity, or just finding more comfort in adults or what. But she would rather hang with us or her teachers. When she does play with other kids, she has a limited set of "scenarios" that she wants to play (usually involving her being a puppy :eyeroll). This is one reason Im excited for her to do soccer - she will be on a team with girls (she doesnt have a lot of girl friends) and will learn to "play" with them.

I think the ballet/gymnastics would be great for Em in that respect, it was for Kiera - its like guided play.

Chrissie · Guru

April, I'm always afraid I'm going to enter the wrong amount when paying bills online and cause all kinds of overdraft charges.

I'm so sorry that happened to you!

That really sucks that you have to pay those fees too!

Erin · Guru

Chrissie wrote:

Supafly wrote:

Chrissie wrote:

April, will Emily go to her room and stay in there when you tell her?

I'm just asking, because I have told M2 to go to his room before, and it doesn't work for me! I'm very frustrated lately!

Chrissie-I know you didn't ask me, but I thought I would chime in. Kate stays in time out or her room NOW, but it wasn't always so.

I did the Supernanny technique on her. Everytime she would come out, I would put her back in. The first time I would tell her she was in time out, then after that I stopped telling her anything, or speaking at all, and just kept putting her back until eventually she (begrudgingly) stayed.

It was awful when I used to have to do that. She can keep going with that stuff for a long time. (she comes by it honest-I ALWAYS outlasted my mom and dad) But the payoff is that now it is an effective means of punishment.

Thanks for your input! I have tried the supernanny way before, but seriously it took over an hour for him to stay where I put him. I don't have the patience for that. (and didn't stay the next time either)

I really need to try to do it again. Seriously how do you stay calm. It's so hard to keep my cool. After working all day I just want to come home and enjoy what little time I have with him, then he starts acting crazy.

I just wanted to chime in, I am a huge supernanny fan. Love her, love the techniques. They work sometimes for K. BUT, sometimes, it is just not the answer for everykid. You have to find what works for them and you.

I too dont want to spend my entire non-work time battling over the timer, which is why we dont do a set amount of time, just however long it takes to calm down, etc. The one thing that is so important for us is the matter of fact approach, as opposed to letting them see you the least bit upset. Almost apologetic, like, well darn, now you have to go to your room.

Supafly · Guru

Chrissie wrote:

Supafly wrote:

Chrissie wrote:

April, will Emily go to her room and stay in there when you tell her?

I'm just asking, because I have told M2 to go to his room before, and it doesn't work for me! I'm very frustrated lately!

Chrissie-I know you didn't ask me, but I thought I would chime in. Kate stays in time out or her room NOW, but it wasn't always so.

I did the Supernanny technique on her. Everytime she would come out, I would put her back in. The first time I would tell her she was in time out, then after that I stopped telling her anything, or speaking at all, and just kept putting her back until eventually she (begrudgingly) stayed.

It was awful when I used to have to do that. She can keep going with that stuff for a long time. (she comes by it honest-I ALWAYS outlasted my mom and dad) But the payoff is that now it is an effective means of punishment.

Thanks for your input! I have tried the supernanny way before, but seriously it took over an hour for him to stay where I put him. I don't have the patience for that. (and didn't stay the next time either)

I really need to try to do it again. Seriously how do you stay calm. It's so hard to keep my cool. After working all day I just want to come home and enjoy what little time I have with him, then he starts acting crazy.

Well, the thing is...did you see how I mentioned that I always (and I mean ALWAYS) outlasted my parents? Kate is not lucky in this way because I have a stubborn streak that won't budge. I will not let a two year old break me. However, it is very very hard on me because inside I am seething and screaming and yelling at her. That stress is extremely hard on my body, which sucks, but I have no choice but to hold it in, or she wins. Honestly, when Bill isn't home, my saving grace is Anna. She distracts me from Kate, and she HATES the conflict, so she goes out of her way to be fun and upbeat to me when Kate gets that way. So I try and forget my frustrations with Kate and focus on Anna as much as I can.

Then I bitch and moan about it to Bill the second they go to bed for the night. But I am with them all day. So I know that is different (not that M2 doesn't need the discipline, but it is easier for me to dole it out because I am here all day). But there are times when Bill gets upset about not getting to spend any time with Kate because of her behavior. He doesn't want to come home to that, BUT he is just as stubborn as I am, so usually if we are at home, he doesn't interfere with it, unless I ask him to take over. (which I don't unless it is an emergency and I will lose it otherwise because he likes to try and get her goat, and that creates more work for me)

It is NOT easy. It is horrible and I have hated those moments in parenting more than most everything else. But like I said, I am stubborn, and in the long run it has been worth it.

Good luck. I hope if this kind of thing doesn't work, that you are able to find something that does!!!

Supafly · Guru

Erin wrote:

Chrissie wrote:

Supafly wrote:

Chrissie wrote:

April, will Emily go to her room and stay in there when you tell her?

I'm just asking, because I have told M2 to go to his room before, and it doesn't work for me! I'm very frustrated lately!

Chrissie-I know you didn't ask me, but I thought I would chime in. Kate stays in time out or her room NOW, but it wasn't always so.

I did the Supernanny technique on her. Everytime she would come out, I would put her back in. The first time I would tell her she was in time out, then after that I stopped telling her anything, or speaking at all, and just kept putting her back until eventually she (begrudgingly) stayed.

It was awful when I used to have to do that. She can keep going with that stuff for a long time. (she comes by it honest-I ALWAYS outlasted my mom and dad) But the payoff is that now it is an effective means of punishment.

Thanks for your input! I have tried the supernanny way before, but seriously it took over an hour for him to stay where I put him. I don't have the patience for that. (and didn't stay the next time either)

I really need to try to do it again. Seriously how do you stay calm. It's so hard to keep my cool. After working all day I just want to come home and enjoy what little time I have with him, then he starts acting crazy.

I just wanted to chime in, I am a huge supernanny fan. Love her, love the techniques. They work sometimes for K. BUT, sometimes, it is just not the answer for everykid. You have to find what works for them and you.

I too dont want to spend my entire non-work time battling over the timer, which is why we dont do a set amount of time, just however long it takes to calm down, etc. The one thing that is so important for us is the matter of fact approach, as opposed to letting them see you the least bit upset. Almost apologetic, like, well darn, now you have to go to your room.

ITA-I HAVE to make it about Kate's choices. If it is about *me* being mad, that gives her satisfaction. If I make it about *her* and how *her* choice has forced us to keep her out of the fun, it is a lot more effective.

It is so sucky. I constantly feel like I need to apologize to my parents now, lmao.

Supafly · Guru

I forgot to answer the question of the day, lol.

*if* the weather holds out, Bill will do our front garden wall tomorrow. Also on the list is mowing the grass (if it isn't too wet), removing the raspberries because they just get eaten by the birds anyway, getting topsoil for the garden after her completes the reataining wall, going to the farm to spray the grapes, and bottle wine, which should have been bottled months ago.

So basically, Bill will yet again be busy all weekend and I will be stuck with the kids. As per usual. Don't get me wrong, I know he would prefer to have time to spend with them, but I am tired of always being on deck. Unfortunately, until it is harvest time, they can't go "help" him with the grapes, and there is poison ivy mixed in with the raspberries, and they can't do anything with the other things either. But Bill doesn't seem to get it when I say I would like him to be around more to give me a break. He says, "but your parents watched them on Wednesday" and I am like, "Yes, they did, and that was 3 days ago, and I won't get another break until next Wednesday, and I don't get breaks in the evenings because you aren't home early enough, and *you* get to leave your job at the end of the day, but expect me to always do mine with a smile."

Wow-I didn't realize I was feeling so bitter about this right now!!!! I am tired of being busy all of the time. And by that I mean I am tired of Bill always having stuff to do here or at the farm and us not being able to do fun family things on the weekends. Thing is...I know he is tired of it too, so I don't BLAME him, I just wish he understood where I was coming from a bit better.

Chrissie · Guru

Supafly wrote:

Chrissie wrote:

Supafly wrote:

Chrissie wrote:

April, will Emily go to her room and stay in there when you tell her?

I'm just asking, because I have told M2 to go to his room before, and it doesn't work for me! I'm very frustrated lately!

Chrissie-I know you didn't ask me, but I thought I would chime in. Kate stays in time out or her room NOW, but it wasn't always so.

I did the Supernanny technique on her. Everytime she would come out, I would put her back in. The first time I would tell her she was in time out, then after that I stopped telling her anything, or speaking at all, and just kept putting her back until eventually she (begrudgingly) stayed.

It was awful when I used to have to do that. She can keep going with that stuff for a long time. (she comes by it honest-I ALWAYS outlasted my mom and dad) But the payoff is that now it is an effective means of punishment.

Thanks for your input! I have tried the supernanny way before, but seriously it took over an hour for him to stay where I put him. I don't have the patience for that. (and didn't stay the next time either)

I really need to try to do it again. Seriously how do you stay calm. It's so hard to keep my cool. After working all day I just want to come home and enjoy what little time I have with him, then he starts acting crazy.

Well, the thing is...did you see how I mentioned that I always (and I mean ALWAYS) outlasted my parents? Kate is not lucky in this way because I have a stubborn streak that won't budge. I will not let a two year old break me. However, it is very very hard on me because inside I am seething and screaming and yelling at her. That stress is extremely hard on my body, which sucks, but I have no choice but to hold it in, or she wins. Honestly, when Bill isn't home, my saving grace is Anna. She distracts me from Kate, and she HATES the conflict, so she goes out of her way to be fun and upbeat to me when Kate gets that way. So I try and forget my frustrations with Kate and focus on Anna as much as I can.

Then I bitch and moan about it to Bill the second they go to bed for the night. But I am with them all day. So I know that is different (not that M2 doesn't need the discipline, but it is easier for me to dole it out because I am here all day). But there are times when Bill gets upset about not getting to spend any time with Kate because of her behavior. He doesn't want to come home to that, BUT he is just as stubborn as I am, so usually if we are at home, he doesn't interfere with it, unless I ask him to take over. (which I don't unless it is an emergency and I will lose it otherwise because he likes to try and get her goat, and that creates more work for me)

It is NOT easy. It is horrible and I have hated those moments in parenting more than most everything else. But like I said, I am stubborn, and in the long run it has been worth it.

Good luck. I hope if this kind of thing doesn't work, that you are able to find something that does!!!

Oh, he definitely needs some dicipline, lol! I have no problems giving it to him, it's just lately, he's really been testing me.

I know my reaction is not right. I get mad and start yelling, and that does NOT help things. I really need to learn how to control my anger.

Last night for instance, I did really good from the time I picked him up until it was bedtime. Then he started stalling, being disruptive while I was reading to him..... By this time I was super tired and getting aggrevated, then I started yelling. ugh!

Another thing that doesn't help is sometimes DH won't agree with me on things. I'm trying to get him to listen, and DH will be telling me I shouldn't do something. Like when I did the suppernanny technique for time out, he kept asking me, "how long are you going to make him do that?!" ugh!!!!!! I wish he would go away for 2 weeks or something and maybe I could get M2 to listen to me then.

Anyway, I'm just rambling. Thanks for listening. I'm realy hoping to get things straightened out here!

Right before he turned 4 he had started listening so well, and I thought we were out of the horrible 3 year stage. He was so fun to be around. Then as soon as he turned 4 he turned into a devil I swear.

He refused to do anything by himself anymore, get dressed, wash his hand, play(although he has rarely played by himself anyway!) He wants the complete opposite of whatever it it I want at the time, he tells me no, the list goes on.....

Supafly · Guru

So now Kate wants to be a Panda for Halloween, which is fun because she adores them and we are having a panda party for her birthday, but I can't find a panda constume to save my life.

I don't want her to be Kung Fu Panda. I might have to get a pattern and make one. My concern is that she will change her mind AGAIN once I start making it and we will have a fight on our hands because I will tell her she has to be the panda now.

Anna is staying with Widget, so I guess I had better get a move on trying to find pink overalls.

sappy · Guru

apies wrote:

tracy - i cannot believe you walked 2 miles dressed like that in vegas heat. i would have called a f'n cab!

supa, there are so many things about emily that are SO hard to deal with. i just lose patience with her! not long, drawn-out incidents like what you described with kate. more a lot of little things that make me nuts. here are a few of what i'm talking about...

repeating the same thing over and over and over. "mom, what doing? mom, what doing? mom, what doing?" etc etc etc. we even say, "emily, how many times do you say it?" and she says 'one time." but she doesn't REMEMBER. she just keeps repeating things OVER AND OVER.

she is SO clingy and has almost NO independent playing skills. jake will go off and play with his trains or cars or puzzles or whatever. emily hangs all over me. if i'm sitting on the couch, not only does she want to sit on the same couch (and not the other couch or her anywhere chair), she has to sit so that she's practically on TOP of me. the clingyness is almost unbearable.

she SCREAMS in response to anything and everything jake does. if jake PRETENDS to throw his fork at her at a meal, she screams. if jake takes a toy from her, she screams. if jake opens the door to the bathroom, she screams. if she is coming down the stairs and jake starts to go up the stairs, she screams. if jake touches her cup, she screams. if i ask her to go get something, jake will race and do it first, so she screams. if she goes into the laundry room, jake will close the door, so she screams. do you get the picture with that? seriously, screaming.all.day.

i just need some breathing room and with her clinginess combined with her unwillingness to play independently, i just am drowning in her right now.

i finally told her today while i was making lunch that she had 2 choices - she could go in the other room and play with jake or she could go back up in her room and play by herself.

i just have got to put my foot down and get some of this behavior stopped. it's just insanity.

the clingyness is so bad that i'm actually going to talk to her teacher at the beginning of the year and make sure they're not allowing it there. i know that last year with a 6:3 student/teacher ratio, she had a LOT of attention from the teachers. when i took her to the gym daycare over the summer, they were quick to point out how clingy she was and how unwilling she was to go play on her own. we HAVE to find a way to solve this.

april - the stuff in red is mikey too and it is so so so hard to deal with. i often wonder how much he understands and how much he's just spoiled/playing me. in fact, just this morning i was trying to find a provider of some kind to do thorough neuropsych testing on him to see where he is, where he should be and how we can help him get there (or close). our hospital has a department but it's like a 9 month wait for an appointment. we don't have 9 months to wait.

so i made this all about us but i wanted to say that i totally understand how frustrating this is and if you find anything that works - please share.

Chrissie · Guru

Supafly wrote:

I forgot to answer the question of the day, lol.

*if* the weather holds out, Bill will do our front garden wall tomorrow. Also on the list is mowing the grass (if it isn't too wet), removing the raspberries because they just get eaten by the birds anyway, getting topsoil for the garden after her completes the reataining wall, going to the farm to spray the grapes, and bottle wine, which should have been bottled months ago.

So basically, Bill will yet again be busy all weekend and I will be stuck with the kids. As per usual. Don't get me wrong, I know he would prefer to have time to spend with them, but I am tired of always being on deck. Unfortunately, until it is harvest time, they can't go "help" him with the grapes, and there is poison ivy mixed in with the raspberries, and they can't do anything with the other things either. But Bill doesn't seem to get it when I say I would like him to be around more to give me a break. He says, "but your parents watched them on Wednesday" and I am like, "Yes, they did, and that was 3 days ago, and I won't get another break until next Wednesday, and I don't get breaks in the evenings because you aren't home early enough, and *you* get to leave your job at the end of the day, but expect me to always do mine with a smile."Re

Wow-I didn't realize I was feeling so bitter about this right now!!!! I am tired of being busy all of the time. And by that I mean I am tired of Bill always having stuff to do here or at the farm and us not being able to do fun family things on the weekends. Thing is...I know he is tired of it too, so I don't BLAME him, I just wish he understood where I was coming from a bit better.

Laura, sometimes I don't know which is worse, working outside of the home, or being a SAHM. I feel like I never get a break from M2 and I'm at work all day, I can only imagine how you feel!

Re the red: I totally understand that comment!! I don't think men get it!

Supafly · Guru

Chrissie wrote:

Supafly wrote:

Chrissie wrote:

Supafly wrote:

Chrissie wrote:

April, will Emily go to her room and stay in there when you tell her?

I'm just asking, because I have told M2 to go to his room before, and it doesn't work for me! I'm very frustrated lately!

Chrissie-I know you didn't ask me, but I thought I would chime in. Kate stays in time out or her room NOW, but it wasn't always so.

I did the Supernanny technique on her. Everytime she would come out, I would put her back in. The first time I would tell her she was in time out, then after that I stopped telling her anything, or speaking at all, and just kept putting her back until eventually she (begrudgingly) stayed.

It was awful when I used to have to do that. She can keep going with that stuff for a long time. (she comes by it honest-I ALWAYS outlasted my mom and dad) But the payoff is that now it is an effective means of punishment.

Thanks for your input! I have tried the supernanny way before, but seriously it took over an hour for him to stay where I put him. I don't have the patience for that. (and didn't stay the next time either)

I really need to try to do it again. Seriously how do you stay calm. It's so hard to keep my cool. After working all day I just want to come home and enjoy what little time I have with him, then he starts acting crazy.

Well, the thing is...did you see how I mentioned that I always (and I mean ALWAYS) outlasted my parents? Kate is not lucky in this way because I have a stubborn streak that won't budge. I will not let a two year old break me. However, it is very very hard on me because inside I am seething and screaming and yelling at her. That stress is extremely hard on my body, which sucks, but I have no choice but to hold it in, or she wins. Honestly, when Bill isn't home, my saving grace is Anna. She distracts me from Kate, and she HATES the conflict, so she goes out of her way to be fun and upbeat to me when Kate gets that way. So I try and forget my frustrations with Kate and focus on Anna as much as I can.

Then I bitch and moan about it to Bill the second they go to bed for the night. But I am with them all day. So I know that is different (not that M2 doesn't need the discipline, but it is easier for me to dole it out because I am here all day). But there are times when Bill gets upset about not getting to spend any time with Kate because of her behavior. He doesn't want to come home to that, BUT he is just as stubborn as I am, so usually if we are at home, he doesn't interfere with it, unless I ask him to take over. (which I don't unless it is an emergency and I will lose it otherwise because he likes to try and get her goat, and that creates more work for me)

It is NOT easy. It is horrible and I have hated those moments in parenting more than most everything else. But like I said, I am stubborn, and in the long run it has been worth it.

Good luck. I hope if this kind of thing doesn't work, that you are able to find something that does!!!

Oh, he definitely needs some dicipline, lol! I have no problems giving it to him, it's just lately, he's really been testing me.

I know my reaction is not right. I get mad and start yelling, and that does NOT help things. I really need to learn how to control my anger.

Last night for instance, I did really good from the time I picked him up until it was bedtime. Then he started stalling, being disruptive while I was reading to him..... By this time I was super tired and getting aggrevated, then I started yelling. ugh!

Another thing that doesn't help is sometimes DH won't agree with me on things. I'm trying to get him to listen, and DH will be telling me I shouldn't do something. Like when I did the suppernanny technique for time out, he kept asking me, "how long are you going to make him do that?!" ugh!!!!!! I wish he would go away for 2 weeks or something and maybe I could get M2 to listen to me then.

Anyway, I'm just rambling. Thanks for listening. I'm realy hoping to get things straightened out here!

Right before he turned 4 he had started listening so well, and I thought we were out of the horrible 3 year stage. He was so fun to be around. Then as soon as he turned 4 he turned into a devil I swear.

He refused to do anything by himself anymore, get dressed, wash his hand, play(although he has rarely played by himself anyway!) He wants the complete opposite of whatever it it I want at the time, he tells me no, the list goes on.....

UGH. I am sorry. I hate when they give us a glimpse of how good things *could* be and then YANK it all away, lol.

It is HARD not to yell and react. I am doing a lot better with it now, but I know for me, when my health is bad, I just don't have the strength to deal with that crap, and things are not as smooth. I have to work more than twice as hard to keep my cool, and I am sure if I worked full time, it would be the same way.

As for DH, I would seriously sit him down and explain to him that if he wants to give you his input, he needs to wait until you two are alone to do so, but NOT to go against you in front of your son. I am of the opinion that unless the other parent is doing some sort of damage to the child in their punishment, you just have to keep your mouth shut and support them, and if you disagree, bring it up later. And I will not hesitate to tell Bill that. He doesn't speak up much anymore, but he used to. I got to the point that in the middle of dealing with the offending child, I would stop, look at him and say, "If you would like to discuss this LATER, I will be more than happy to do that. If you insist on talking to me about it now, I will leave and you can deal with this." That worked for him, lmao!! But seriously, that is not good to have him undermining what you are trying to accomplish, and I would let him know that is not ok.

I hope things settle down. I tell you, when things are good, having kids is one of the best things i life. When they aren't, it can be pure Hell. Now I know why my mom and dad used to tell me they wished for me to have a child who was just like me!!!!!

apies · Guru

sappy wrote:

apies wrote:

tracy - i cannot believe you walked 2 miles dressed like that in vegas heat. i would have called a f'n cab!

supa, there are so many things about emily that are SO hard to deal with. i just lose patience with her! not long, drawn-out incidents like what you described with kate. more a lot of little things that make me nuts. here are a few of what i'm talking about...

repeating the same thing over and over and over. "mom, what doing? mom, what doing? mom, what doing?" etc etc etc. we even say, "emily, how many times do you say it?" and she says 'one time." but she doesn't REMEMBER. she just keeps repeating things OVER AND OVER.

she is SO clingy and has almost NO independent playing skills. jake will go off and play with his trains or cars or puzzles or whatever. emily hangs all over me. if i'm sitting on the couch, not only does she want to sit on the same couch (and not the other couch or her anywhere chair), she has to sit so that she's practically on TOP of me. the clingyness is almost unbearable.

she SCREAMS in response to anything and everything jake does. if jake PRETENDS to throw his fork at her at a meal, she screams. if jake takes a toy from her, she screams. if jake opens the door to the bathroom, she screams. if she is coming down the stairs and jake starts to go up the stairs, she screams. if jake touches her cup, she screams. if i ask her to go get something, jake will race and do it first, so she screams. if she goes into the laundry room, jake will close the door, so she screams. do you get the picture with that? seriously, screaming.all.day.

i just need some breathing room and with her clinginess combined with her unwillingness to play independently, i just am drowning in her right now.

i finally told her today while i was making lunch that she had 2 choices - she could go in the other room and play with jake or she could go back up in her room and play by herself.

i just have got to put my foot down and get some of this behavior stopped. it's just insanity.

the clingyness is so bad that i'm actually going to talk to her teacher at the beginning of the year and make sure they're not allowing it there. i know that last year with a 6:3 student/teacher ratio, she had a LOT of attention from the teachers. when i took her to the gym daycare over the summer, they were quick to point out how clingy she was and how unwilling she was to go play on her own. we HAVE to find a way to solve this.

april - the stuff in red is mikey too and it is so so so hard to deal with. i often wonder how much he understands and how much he's just spoiled/playing me. in fact, just this morning i was trying to find a provider of some kind to do thorough neuropsych testing on him to see where he is, where he should be and how we can help him get there (or close). our hospital has a department but it's like a 9 month wait for an appointment. we don't have 9 months to wait.
so i made this all about us but i wanted to say that i totally understand how frustrating this is and if you find anything that works - please share.

:hug:

i'm sorry you're in the same boat. lets keep in touch about this and try to help keep each other sane.

is he home yet? how's he doing?

happylib · Guru

I tried to do a quick catch up, but not sure I caught it all.

April I do think that Emily is actually doing the same thing many kids her age are doing. I know that right now sometimes I feel like E is a piece of velcro super glued on me. I thought maybe it was her, but some of my friends with kids the same age are seeing this too. Maybe it's just another stage.

Also I do send E to her room. It is more effective for us because she can not stand that fact that she can't be near us (and especially me right now). I guess I am mean, but I tell her that if she chooses to act like that, than she is not allowed to be around us and she will just have to be by herself.

I hope things calm down soon.