Finally Friday

Robin · Guru

RE: Finally Friday

apies · Guru

Supafly wrote:

Good for you for giving her those choices!!! She is going to have to learn, hard as that is. Anna is no where near as needy, but she does want me to play with her all the time and complains that there is no one to play with (because Kate plays very well on her own and much of the time prefers that). But with her, I can tell her, "Anna, I am doing __________ right now, but I will set this timer for __________ minutes and when the timer goes off, I can play that game with you. While you wait, why don't you try doing _________?" That works fine with her, as long as I stick by what I say.

As far as screaming, honestly, I would sit her down and tell her that is not an appropriate way to respond to things. I would tell her she needs to use her words, and that if she can not do that, she is going to start being put into time out when she screams (or whatever punishment works). I would start by giving one warning (I have done this with other things with both of mine, "This is your warning. The next time you scream/whatever the offense is, you will go to time out. Do you understand?"), then time out. Then back it down to being an automatic time out, and remind her when you punish her and after that instead of screaming, she needs to use her words.

As for the saying things over and over again, I have no advice. Anna is terrible about that too, and I just tune it out, lmao. Once in a while, It will get under my skin and I will say, "Anna, I heard you the first time, and the second time, and the third time..."

I hope you can find some things that work for you all. It is so hard to deal with these things!!!!

re: the red, that is exactly what we do and have been doing for a while now. we are kicking time outs into high gear and while she's upset about being sent there, she doesn't really seem to "learn" anything from them in that she's repeating the behavior soon after. that's why i tried sending her to her room today. we need to find her trigger that will curb this behavior and quickly.

apies · Guru

oh crap, robin.

i hope he just has a little cold and not an ear infection.

Erin · Guru

apies wrote:

tracy - i cannot believe you walked 2 miles dressed like that in vegas heat. i would have called a f'n cab!

supa, there are so many things about emily that are SO hard to deal with. i just lose patience with her! not long, drawn-out incidents like what you described with kate. more a lot of little things that make me nuts. here are a few of what i'm talking about...

repeating the same thing over and over and over. "mom, what doing? mom, what doing? mom, what doing?" etc etc etc. we even say, "emily, how many times do you say it?" and she says 'one time." but she doesn't REMEMBER. she just keeps repeating things OVER AND OVER.

she is SO clingy and has almost NO independent playing skills. jake will go off and play with his trains or cars or puzzles or whatever. emily hangs all over me. if i'm sitting on the couch, not only does she want to sit on the same couch (and not the other couch or her anywhere chair), she has to sit so that she's practically on TOP of me. the clingyness is almost unbearable.

she SCREAMS in response to anything and everything jake does. if jake PRETENDS to throw his fork at her at a meal, she screams. if jake takes a toy from her, she screams. if jake opens the door to the bathroom, she screams. if she is coming down the stairs and jake starts to go up the stairs, she screams. if jake touches her cup, she screams. if i ask her to go get something, jake will race and do it first, so she screams. if she goes into the laundry room, jake will close the door, so she screams. do you get the picture with that? seriously, screaming.all.day.

i just need some breathing room and with her clinginess combined with her unwillingness to play independently, i just am drowning in her right now.

i finally told her today while i was making lunch that she had 2 choices - she could go in the other room and play with jake or she could go back up in her room and play by herself.

i just have got to put my foot down and get some of this behavior stopped. it's just insanity.

the clingyness is so bad that i'm actually going to talk to her teacher at the beginning of the year and make sure they're not allowing it there. i know that last year with a 6:3 student/teacher ratio, she had a LOT of attention from the teachers. when i took her to the gym daycare over the summer, they were quick to point out how clingy she was and how unwilling she was to go play on her own. we HAVE to find a way to solve this.

April- I have no advice, but I just wanted to reassure you that you are not alone. Kiera is like this alot too. The only time she plays by herself is not really even play, its watching tv. :bag. It drives me crazy because I feel like I cant get ANYTHING done at home, between her and Rhys who is crying unless I am holding him.

(Seriously, everyone else says he is so sweet and laid back, but if I am in the room and not holding him, he is inconsolable. ugh. But, I guess that is another post).

When we are at ourfriends house, she is constantly wanting to hang out with us. ugh. go play!! She is super outgoing, but I just dont know what to do about the clingyness.

ETA: The one thing I have tried is to address the neediness directly. "Honey, I know you really want to sit with mommy, but I really need to [get work done]. I love you so much [insert lots of hugs and kisses] and I know you love me too. You can do it. If you need a hug, come find me and we will hug and then you can keep playing. In the meantime, take this hug with you okay?"

ETA: Kiera is an escalater/trantrumer too. I have had some success with sending her to her room. The timeout step/chair does not work for us, 'cause she just continues to scream and escalates her tantrum. When I send her to her room, I tell her its because she needs a break, needs to stop screaming, etc. I tell her as soon as she is calm or ready to cooperate or whatever, she can come out. If she comes out to early, I tell her nope, thats not calm, go back and settle down. So, its not a punishment place, but somewhere she can yell and scream and do whatever she wnats, but I dont have to hear it.

-- Edited by Erin on Friday 28th of August 2009 01:02:01 PM

Supafly · Guru

apies wrote:

ok, so i just spent the last hour "rehabilitating" emily.

every time she screamed for something she didn't like jake was doing (like going up the stairs :eyeroll:), she went up in her room.

as soon as she came out the first time, she started screaming about jake on the stairs again.

back in her room.

next time she came out, i told her we were going downstairs to play while i made lunch. she wanted to go outside and i told her she needed to wait until after her nap later. she said no. back in her room.

finally, she made it out and is downstairs. i've had to warn her that she will go back to her room only once.

maybe going in her room is a better punishment for her than a traditional time out in our time out chair. idk. i just have to find something to start curbing my behavior that is making me love her, but not like her very much right now.

does anyone have any input about putting her (them) in their rooms? is that bad? :help:

Yay for some progress!!!

I put Kate in her room only as a last resort, but it does happen. I don't do it typically for a few reasons. 1)she has a lot of books and all of the dress up stuff in her room, so there is plenty of stuff for her to do in there. 2) I don't want her to feel like her room is a place of punishment-really I want the punishment to be separation from us and the fun we are having. 3) When she gets bad enough to warrant being put in her room, she is destructive. She can not control herself when she gets that way, and I don't think it is as safe an environment for her.

However, that is Kate (this kind of thing is not necessary for Anna. She has been sent to her room maybe twice and it was highly traumatic for her). Em is different. For Kate, it is more punishment for *her* to be sitting at the bottom of our steps watching us have a good time, but it is also punishment for me, lol, because she cries and stomps and yells in time out (but she does stay there-and she can't leave until she calms down, regardless of how much time has passed). Putting her in her room is more because I can't take anymore from her. What I am saying is that if it works for Em and it doesn't make her feel like her room is just a place of punishment, then I think it is ok.

Supafly · Guru

Robin wrote:

I just got home from getting Mark from preschool, and I've eaten some leftover spaghetti.

Mark had a good day, and my spaghetti was yummy.

Now Mark wants to go to Chuck E. Cheese. :eyeroll:

[I am too lazy to figure out the new emoticon names/system so if someone wants to just tell me how to post them, that would be great.]

Mark was snotty and stuffy last night, and even more so this afternoon.

I just gave him some meds.

I really hope he doesn't have an ear infection.

Now that school has started back, it wouldn't be unlikely.

UGH Robin. I hope it isn't an ear infection.

You know, I have NEVER been to Chuck E Cheese?

Erin · Guru

Supafly wrote:

Robin wrote:

I just got home from getting Mark from preschool, and I've eaten some leftover spaghetti.

Mark had a good day, and my spaghetti was yummy.

Now Mark wants to go to Chuck E. Cheese. :eyeroll:

[I am too lazy to figure out the new emoticon names/system so if someone wants to just tell me how to post them, that would be great.]

Mark was snotty and stuffy last night, and even more so this afternoon.

I just gave him some meds.

I really hope he doesn't have an ear infection.

Now that school has started back, it wouldn't be unlikely.

UGH Robin. I hope it isn't an ear infection.

You know, I have NEVER been to Chuck E Cheese?

Thats not necesarily a bad thing! :giggle

Erin · Guru

April, dont mean to harass you, but do you still want a tag reader?

(Kiera has been quietly playing with hers by herself... Im just saying...lol)

apies · Guru

Erin wrote:

apies wrote:

tracy - i cannot believe you walked 2 miles dressed like that in vegas heat. i would have called a f'n cab!

supa, there are so many things about emily that are SO hard to deal with. i just lose patience with her! not long, drawn-out incidents like what you described with kate. more a lot of little things that make me nuts. here are a few of what i'm talking about...

repeating the same thing over and over and over. "mom, what doing? mom, what doing? mom, what doing?" etc etc etc. we even say, "emily, how many times do you say it?" and she says 'one time." but she doesn't REMEMBER. she just keeps repeating things OVER AND OVER.

she is SO clingy and has almost NO independent playing skills. jake will go off and play with his trains or cars or puzzles or whatever. emily hangs all over me. if i'm sitting on the couch, not only does she want to sit on the same couch (and not the other couch or her anywhere chair), she has to sit so that she's practically on TOP of me. the clingyness is almost unbearable.

she SCREAMS in response to anything and everything jake does. if jake PRETENDS to throw his fork at her at a meal, she screams. if jake takes a toy from her, she screams. if jake opens the door to the bathroom, she screams. if she is coming down the stairs and jake starts to go up the stairs, she screams. if jake touches her cup, she screams. if i ask her to go get something, jake will race and do it first, so she screams. if she goes into the laundry room, jake will close the door, so she screams. do you get the picture with that? seriously, screaming.all.day.

i just need some breathing room and with her clinginess combined with her unwillingness to play independently, i just am drowning in her right now.

i finally told her today while i was making lunch that she had 2 choices - she could go in the other room and play with jake or she could go back up in her room and play by herself.

i just have got to put my foot down and get some of this behavior stopped. it's just insanity.

the clingyness is so bad that i'm actually going to talk to her teacher at the beginning of the year and make sure they're not allowing it there. i know that last year with a 6:3 student/teacher ratio, she had a LOT of attention from the teachers. when i took her to the gym daycare over the summer, they were quick to point out how clingy she was and how unwilling she was to go play on her own. we HAVE to find a way to solve this.

April- I have no advice, but I just wanted to reassure you that you are not alone. Kiera is like this alot too. The only time she plays by herself is not really even play, its watching tv. :bag. It drives me crazy because I feel like I cant get ANYTHING done at home, between her and Rhys who is crying unless I am holding him.

(Seriously, everyone else says he is so sweet and laid back, but if I am in the room and not holding him, he is inconsolable. ugh. But, I guess that is another post).

When we are at ourfriends house, she is constantly wanting to hang out with us. ugh. go play!! She is super outgoing, but I just dont know what to do about the clingyness.

ETA: The one thing I have tried is to address the neediness directly. "Honey, I know you really want to sit with mommy, but I really need to [get work done]. I love you so much [insert lots of hugs and kisses] and I know you love me too. You can do it. If you need a hug, come find me and we will hug and then you can keep playing. In the meantime, take this hug with you okay?"

ETA: Kiera is an escalater/trantrumer too. I have had some success with sending her to her room. The timeout step/chair does not work for us, 'cause she just continues to scream and escalates her tantrum. When I send her to her room, I tell her its because she needs a break, needs to stop screaming, etc. I tell her as soon as she is calm or ready to cooperate or whatever, she can come out. If she comes out to early, I tell her nope, thats not calm, go back and settle down. So, its not a punishment place, but somewhere she can yell and scream and do whatever she wnats, but I dont have to hear it.

-- Edited by Erin on Friday 28th of August 2009 01:02:01 PM

wow, i am shocked that kiera is like emily, but a part of me is so glad someone else understands!

i am going to try the "take this hug with you" line b/c em tries that a lot. she's start crying and i'll say, "emily, what is wrong NOW?" and she'll say "i need a hug!" :eyeroll: it's just her stall tactic. i'm going to try your idea and see if that will work.

i am hoping she can make some friends this year for playdates (last year's classmates were pretty low level special needs, so we didn't really have any strong connections in that class), but i'm worried it will go just like you're describing!

tysm erin.

Supafly · Guru

apies wrote:

Supafly wrote:

Good for you for giving her those choices!!! She is going to have to learn, hard as that is. Anna is no where near as needy, but she does want me to play with her all the time and complains that there is no one to play with (because Kate plays very well on her own and much of the time prefers that). But with her, I can tell her, "Anna, I am doing __________ right now, but I will set this timer for __________ minutes and when the timer goes off, I can play that game with you. While you wait, why don't you try doing _________?" That works fine with her, as long as I stick by what I say.

As far as screaming, honestly, I would sit her down and tell her that is not an appropriate way to respond to things. I would tell her she needs to use her words, and that if she can not do that, she is going to start being put into time out when she screams (or whatever punishment works). I would start by giving one warning (I have done this with other things with both of mine, "This is your warning. The next time you scream/whatever the offense is, you will go to time out. Do you understand?"), then time out. Then back it down to being an automatic time out, and remind her when you punish her and after that instead of screaming, she needs to use her words.

As for the saying things over and over again, I have no advice. Anna is terrible about that too, and I just tune it out, lmao. Once in a while, It will get under my skin and I will say, "Anna, I heard you the first time, and the second time, and the third time..."

I hope you can find some things that work for you all. It is so hard to deal with these things!!!!

re: the red, that is exactly what we do and have been doing for a while now. we are kicking time outs into high gear and while she's upset about being sent there, she doesn't really seem to "learn" anything from them in that she's repeating the behavior soon after. that's why i tried sending her to her room today. we need to find her trigger that will curb this behavior and quickly.

Hey, if going to her room is the push she needs, then by all means, I say go for it. Just keep at it and don't give up. It will work eventually. We have had times, even over at the farm, that Kate has had to miss out on a LOT because she will repeat her behaviors immediately and get punished again right away. Sometimes Bill (if we are at his parent's house) will even tell me to let it go, but with Kate, you can.not.give.in. Even a millimeter with her will cause weeks of anguish. She might be hard headed and think we will give in, but eventually she sees it is fruitless and the punishments lessen. It sucks because during those times, I feel like I can't even enjoy my own child, and that our lives revolve around Kate's behavior problems, but this is the only way it can work for us. There have been times I have given in, and within days, she is completely running the show and we are ALL miserable. She has to learn, and I have to be the one to teach her.

I am sorry this is how you have to spend one of your last few days before school. That completely sucks.

apies · Guru

Supafly wrote:

apies wrote:

ok, so i just spent the last hour "rehabilitating" emily.

every time she screamed for something she didn't like jake was doing (like going up the stairs :eyeroll:), she went up in her room.

as soon as she came out the first time, she started screaming about jake on the stairs again.

back in her room.

next time she came out, i told her we were going downstairs to play while i made lunch. she wanted to go outside and i told her she needed to wait until after her nap later. she said no. back in her room.

finally, she made it out and is downstairs. i've had to warn her that she will go back to her room only once.

maybe going in her room is a better punishment for her than a traditional time out in our time out chair. idk. i just have to find something to start curbing my behavior that is making me love her, but not like her very much right now.

does anyone have any input about putting her (them) in their rooms? is that bad? :help:

Yay for some progress!!!

I put Kate in her room only as a last resort, but it does happen. I don't do it typically for a few reasons. 1)she has a lot of books and all of the dress up stuff in her room, so there is plenty of stuff for her to do in there. 2) I don't want her to feel like her room is a place of punishment-really I want the punishment to be separation from us and the fun we are having. 3) When she gets bad enough to warrant being put in her room, she is destructive. She can not control herself when she gets that way, and I don't think it is as safe an environment for her.

However, that is Kate (this kind of thing is not necessary for Anna. She has been sent to her room maybe twice and it was highly traumatic for her). Em is different. For Kate, it is more punishment for *her* to be sitting at the bottom of our steps watching us have a good time, but it is also punishment for me, lol, because she cries and stomps and yells in time out (but she does stay there-and she can't leave until she calms down, regardless of how much time has passed). Putting her in her room is more because I can't take anymore from her. What I am saying is that if it works for Em and it doesn't make her feel like her room is just a place of punishment, then I think it is ok.

i guess i'm going to have to feel it out and see if she starts carrying over the "room as punishment" idea into nap/bedtime, etc.

for now, it works b/c she's AWAY from us. and she just goes in there and sits on the floor and cries. she might hold a doll or animal, but she's definitely not playing. just upset to be put away from me and jake.

Supafly · Guru

Erin wrote:

Supafly wrote:

Robin wrote:

I just got home from getting Mark from preschool, and I've eaten some leftover spaghetti.

Mark had a good day, and my spaghetti was yummy.

Now Mark wants to go to Chuck E. Cheese. :eyeroll:

[I am too lazy to figure out the new emoticon names/system so if someone wants to just tell me how to post them, that would be great.]

Mark was snotty and stuffy last night, and even more so this afternoon.

I just gave him some meds.

I really hope he doesn't have an ear infection.

Now that school has started back, it wouldn't be unlikely.

UGH Robin. I hope it isn't an ear infection.

You know, I have NEVER been to Chuck E Cheese?

Thats not necesarily a bad thing! :giggle

LOL-ITA. I think I would be happy to never go there, tbh!!! (though I am sure the day will come...)

apies · Guru

Erin wrote:

April, dont mean to harass you, but do you still want a tag reader?

(Kiera has been quietly playing with hers by herself... Im just saying...lol)

LMAO!

yes, sorry. i had a crisis in my checking account yesterday that i shared here. i meant to make a $40 payment to my gap card and accidentally paid $4000 instead. as a result, i had a TON of NSF fees and all kinds of crap hit my account and it's just a disaster. and of course it's the account that it connected to my pp.

i know you sent back that money for MSBL7. i can send that back to you and then get the rest to you as soon as my bank refunds those fees (etc) and i have a positive balance again.

is that ok?

i'm so sorry i didn't email/pm you about this sooner. i really appreciate you going out of your way to get it for us.

apies · Guru

Supafly wrote:

Hey, if going to her room is the push she needs, then by all means, I say go for it. Just keep at it and don't give up. It will work eventually. We have had times, even over at the farm, that Kate has had to miss out on a LOT because she will repeat her behaviors immediately and get punished again right away. Sometimes Bill (if we are at his parent's house) will even tell me to let it go, but with Kate, you can.not.give.in. Even a millimeter with her will cause weeks of anguish. She might be hard headed and think we will give in, but eventually she sees it is fruitless and the punishments lessen. It sucks because during those times, I feel like I can't even enjoy my own child, and that our lives revolve around Kate's behavior problems, but this is the only way it can work for us. There have been times I have given in, and within days, she is completely running the show and we are ALL miserable. She has to learn, and I have to be the one to teach her.

I am sorry this is how you have to spend one of your last few days before school. That completely sucks.

thanks laura.

it does suck.

i'm trying to focus on the fact that our time away from each other starting next week will make our time together SO much better quality in the afternoons and evenings. kwim?

we've even been doing family dinners since june. and they've been going pretty well overall, so i'm really looking forward to getting back into our school year routine.

Supafly · Guru

apies wrote:

Supafly wrote:

apies wrote:

ok, so i just spent the last hour "rehabilitating" emily.

every time she screamed for something she didn't like jake was doing (like going up the stairs :eyeroll:), she went up in her room.

as soon as she came out the first time, she started screaming about jake on the stairs again.

back in her room.

next time she came out, i told her we were going downstairs to play while i made lunch. she wanted to go outside and i told her she needed to wait until after her nap later. she said no. back in her room.

finally, she made it out and is downstairs. i've had to warn her that she will go back to her room only once.

maybe going in her room is a better punishment for her than a traditional time out in our time out chair. idk. i just have to find something to start curbing my behavior that is making me love her, but not like her very much right now.

does anyone have any input about putting her (them) in their rooms? is that bad? :help:

Yay for some progress!!!

I put Kate in her room only as a last resort, but it does happen. I don't do it typically for a few reasons. 1)she has a lot of books and all of the dress up stuff in her room, so there is plenty of stuff for her to do in there. 2) I don't want her to feel like her room is a place of punishment-really I want the punishment to be separation from us and the fun we are having. 3) When she gets bad enough to warrant being put in her room, she is destructive. She can not control herself when she gets that way, and I don't think it is as safe an environment for her.

However, that is Kate (this kind of thing is not necessary for Anna. She has been sent to her room maybe twice and it was highly traumatic for her). Em is different. For Kate, it is more punishment for *her* to be sitting at the bottom of our steps watching us have a good time, but it is also punishment for me, lol, because she cries and stomps and yells in time out (but she does stay there-and she can't leave until she calms down, regardless of how much time has passed). Putting her in her room is more because I can't take anymore from her. What I am saying is that if it works for Em and it doesn't make her feel like her room is just a place of punishment, then I think it is ok.

i guess i'm going to have to feel it out and see if she starts carrying over the "room as punishment" idea into nap/bedtime, etc.

for now, it works b/c she's AWAY from us. and she just goes in there and sits on the floor and cries. she might hold a doll or animal, but she's definitely not playing. just upset to be put away from me and jake.

And that is the way it has been for Anna the few times she was sent there. It was awful for her and she still talks about it. (which is why I don't do it anymore-she was obviously traumatized by it, which is not my intent)

Maybe it is an age thing too. But Kate is the type who 1) wants her tantrums seens and heard, so seeing us ignore her is very painful for her, and 2) is out of sight, our of mind. Once she is in her room, she is in her own world and will do whatever she pleases. And if I told her to just sit and not move, she would do the opposite out of spite. I have even tried holding her so that she can't move, and whispering to her (nice things, lol), but it makes her RAGE like you can not even imagine. I learned real fast that was NOT the way to go with her.

Anyway, it sounds like the room might be something that works for Em!

Chrissie · Guru

Hi everyone!!

I'm at work, but haven't gotten much work done today! which is a shame, because I have SOOOO much work to do.

Is it time to go home yet?

For once, I don't have any plans for the weekend! I have no idea what we will do.

apies · Guru

Supafly wrote:

And that is the way it has been for Anna the few times she was sent there. It was awful for her and she still talks about it. (which is why I don't do it anymore-she was obviously traumatized by it, which is not my intent)

Maybe it is an age thing too. But Kate is the type who 1) wants her tantrums seens and heard, so seeing us ignore her is very painful for her, and 2) is out of sight, our of mind. Once she is in her room, she is in her own world and will do whatever she pleases. And if I told her to just sit and not move, she would do the opposite out of spite. I have even tried holding her so that she can't move, and whispering to her (nice things, lol), but it makes her RAGE like you can not even imagine. I learned real fast that was NOT the way to go with her.

Anyway, it sounds like the room might be something that works for Em!

we will see. i'm a little worried about the trauma like what you were saying about anna's response. i will see what she says to matt tomorrow when he gets home. if she can explain rationally without getting distraught about the punishment, then i'm ok with her continuing in there for now.

we'll see. thanks for hashing this all out with me.

Supafly · Guru

apies wrote:

Supafly wrote:

Hey, if going to her room is the push she needs, then by all means, I say go for it. Just keep at it and don't give up. It will work eventually. We have had times, even over at the farm, that Kate has had to miss out on a LOT because she will repeat her behaviors immediately and get punished again right away. Sometimes Bill (if we are at his parent's house) will even tell me to let it go, but with Kate, you can.not.give.in. Even a millimeter with her will cause weeks of anguish. She might be hard headed and think we will give in, but eventually she sees it is fruitless and the punishments lessen. It sucks because during those times, I feel like I can't even enjoy my own child, and that our lives revolve around Kate's behavior problems, but this is the only way it can work for us. There have been times I have given in, and within days, she is completely running the show and we are ALL miserable. She has to learn, and I have to be the one to teach her.

I am sorry this is how you have to spend one of your last few days before school. That completely sucks.

thanks laura.

it does suck.

i'm trying to focus on the fact that our time away from each other starting next week will make our time together SO much better quality in the afternoons and evenings. kwim?

we've even been doing family dinners since june. and they've been going pretty well overall, so i'm really looking forward to getting back into our school year routine.

Definitely. Absence is a good thing in that way, and I am sure you all will be more at ease once you are back to your routine.

YAY for the family dinners!!! I think that is great!!! We try, but it doesn't work much anymore. I usually eat a salad with them, and then eat my dinner with Bill. I hold them off until 6 or 6:30, but I can't make them wait longer than that, and most of the time these days, Bill isn't home by then. I think he misses that a lot, and that sucks, but when they are going to bed by 8, I don't think it is fair to make them eat past 6:30. Oh well, it is what it is, and we do have the weekends for family meals.

Chrissie · Guru

April, will Emily go to her room and stay in there when you tell her?

I'm just asking, because I have told M2 to go to his room before, and it doesn't work for me! disbelief

I'm very frustrated lately!

apies · Guru

Chrissie wrote:

April, will Emily go to her room and stay in there when you tell her?

I'm just asking, because I have told M2 to go to his room before, and it doesn't work for me! I'm very frustrated lately!

today she did, for the most part (today was our first day trying the room deal).

the first time, after about 8 minutes in there (she was still crying and i wanted her to calm down), i heard her stop crying, then open the door and come out and say "mommy, i'm ready!" i want her to learn that she cannot come out until i tell her it's ok, so i made her go back in and close the door and then i went to her.

the next 2 times she went in, she stayed until i went and got her after she had calmed down.