how do you choose activities?

Lizzy · Guru

RE: how do you choose activities?

CoffeeQueen · Guru

daisy wrote:

CoffeeQueen wrote:

Supafly wrote:

Erin wrote:

Supafly wrote:

Erin wrote:

I too like the idea of a " creative art" and a sport. Ballet can be Kiera's creative art for right now. lol.

I did want to offer my unrequested 2c for those who are saying they will force their kids into a sport or art even if its because it will be good for them- ,I HATED piano. I didnt want to take it, I was totally against it, and I faked practicing :himom! As a result, I dont remember a darn thing. I would LOVE to know how to play guitar though. I really wish I had had some input into what intstrument I got to play. I would have been far more motivated.

The flip side of that is that if Kiera hates soccer, I will let her pick something else, as much as it will kill me. lol.

Erin, since I am the one who said I will force them into piano, I will respond by saying on this topic, I really don't care if they hate it. They will be required to play piano and take lessons until they know the basics, as piano is hands down the best way to learn the basics of music. I hope they enjoy it enough to get decent at it, and I don't intend to be mean in my approach about it, but it will not be optional, and if they don't like it, too bad.

I was never limited to only piano. I was required to take piano, but also was given the choice of other instruments. I played violin for a number of years as well, and then tried sax and guitar too. It was not a one instrument type of thing in my house, and I don't intend to make my kids do piano to the exclusion of other instruments.

But you also have to remember that I come from a family of musicians (both of my parents were music majors, both taught music, both are excellent singers and pianists), and I am a musician myself, as is Bill (he plays guitar and he *can* sing, though he doesn't), so it is in the blood in this family. My girls are already very good singers for their ages!!! (well, when they sing. Put Anna in front of a crowd and she clams up, lol. Just like I did as a kid) So while I am sure it sounds horrid to some, I think not making them do it would do them a disservice. If they hate it, they can quit-once they have mastered the basics.

I wasnt trying to call anyone out, I should have said, for those "thinking of" instead of saying. It is just coincidence that my experience was piano. My point was that in some instances you can force a kid all you want, but that doesnt make them like it, excel at it, or thank you for it later. I can tell you I took Piano for 8 years and I dont thank my mother for it at all. I actually very much resent that I wasnt able to use that time to do something I really enjoyed. That damn piano sits in my mom's house still. (Do I have issues? maybe...lol.)

Again, just my 2c from another point of view. May not change your mind, and Im not trying to, Im just offering something to think about for when someone's kid really says, awww mom, I hate it. Maybe they really do.

-- Edited by Erin on Friday 21st of August 2009 03:32:40 PM
Yeah, 8 years is too long to force a child to play any instrument if they truly hate it, even though I can see why your mom would do that.

But I come from the flip side of the coin. I honestly don't remember how many years I was forced to take, but I hated practicing so so much that I would beg and plead to quit. Finally, after a number of years, my mom gave in, and I quit. I deeply regret that, and I wish she had pushed me, not only to stick with it, but to practice as I should have too. I hated practicing in front of people and have them hear my mistakes-I have always had a fear of failure and quit things before I have the chance to fail at them-and I wish like nothing else that my mom had just made me do it. But I was writing songs for my mom when I was like 6 and 7. I obviously had the talent to do it, and it was *her* experience of being forced to play as a child that made her *not* force me. (ftr, she is very grateful to her mother for forcing her into it, as it has been a lifelong love for her to play)

You know how on SYTYCD Jeanine said she hated dance as a kid but her mom made her stick with it and she was very grateful? That is totally me. But with piano and without skills because I didn't stick with it, lmao.

So my girls may hate that I force them into it, and they may never appreciate that I did. But I'll risk that over not forcing them into something that might turn out to be a real gift for them later in life.

I think it would be very telling that after a period of time in that you could tell if your child had talent with it or not. So, to just keep pushing something without seeing any improvement, love or passion for something does not seem like a grand idea to me, but that is me.

It sounded like you had skills from early on that your mother saw in you. I think that is where most parents then push for their children to stick with something.

Rich played violin from age 2- current. He hates it now and will not touch it. He does not regret the years, but does not have a loving feeling when he thinks of them. Sure he was talented and did well. He played in the symphony during college. The minute he could drop it, he did. That kind of is sad to me. I mean he never did it for the love of it. He did it because it was expected of him and could never get out of it. He had a scholarship in college that required him to play in symphony. He played college soccer too and loved that. So, not sure what I am saying really. I see both sides of it, but I think for me I will choose to find something for my child that they have passion and desire for. There is too much in life that we "have to do". So, why create one more thing just because it is impressive. I think every kid hates to practice something at a point in their life. You need to push them many of times to stick with something, but I think there is a clear stopping point that it becomes all about the parents wishes, dreams and no longer about the child and their happiness and spirit. Life is just too damn short for me. I plan to make them miserable in other ways,lol :)

i agree with a lot of what you say here.
i think for me, and this sounds maybe over the top, but as a piano player for 29 yrs this is really how i feel - not enforcing the piano thing would be like never making them read a book bc they didnt feel like it.
i'm not saying my kids have to practice 2 hours a day.
but i think a 30 min piano lesson once a week and maybe 15 min of practice a day, or even every other day, is totally within reason. they dont have to be virtuosos. that's all my parents required of me. i agree that if there's NO skill there, then there's not a huge point in continuing for long, but like i said, i want them to know their way around a piano. not bc it's impressive or something that would personally fulfill ME, but bc i think it's a cognitive process that extends the brain and fine motor skills. it's sort of like wanting them to know another language too. just something you cant really lose on.
but i totally understand music isnt for everyone. i remember hating practicing too. i remember my mom actually telling my teacher that certain pieces were too frustrating for me, and could we move in another direction, etc. it doesnt have to be a high pressure situation, and it was never high pressure for me at all. maybe i didnt enjoy every second of it, but it was never that big of a deal. :dunno

I respect that and totally understand it, but what if they wanted to play another instrument. Do they have to play piano? By playing another it would fall under that cognitive process.

daisy · Guru

CoffeeQueen wrote:

daisy wrote:

CoffeeQueen wrote:

Supafly wrote:

Erin wrote:

Supafly wrote:

Erin wrote:

I too like the idea of a " creative art" and a sport. Ballet can be Kiera's creative art for right now. lol.

I did want to offer my unrequested 2c for those who are saying they will force their kids into a sport or art even if its because it will be good for them- ,I HATED piano. I didnt want to take it, I was totally against it, and I faked practicing :himom! As a result, I dont remember a darn thing. I would LOVE to know how to play guitar though. I really wish I had had some input into what intstrument I got to play. I would have been far more motivated.

The flip side of that is that if Kiera hates soccer, I will let her pick something else, as much as it will kill me. lol.

Erin, since I am the one who said I will force them into piano, I will respond by saying on this topic, I really don't care if they hate it. They will be required to play piano and take lessons until they know the basics, as piano is hands down the best way to learn the basics of music. I hope they enjoy it enough to get decent at it, and I don't intend to be mean in my approach about it, but it will not be optional, and if they don't like it, too bad.

I was never limited to only piano. I was required to take piano, but also was given the choice of other instruments. I played violin for a number of years as well, and then tried sax and guitar too. It was not a one instrument type of thing in my house, and I don't intend to make my kids do piano to the exclusion of other instruments.

But you also have to remember that I come from a family of musicians (both of my parents were music majors, both taught music, both are excellent singers and pianists), and I am a musician myself, as is Bill (he plays guitar and he *can* sing, though he doesn't), so it is in the blood in this family. My girls are already very good singers for their ages!!! (well, when they sing. Put Anna in front of a crowd and she clams up, lol. Just like I did as a kid) So while I am sure it sounds horrid to some, I think not making them do it would do them a disservice. If they hate it, they can quit-once they have mastered the basics.

I wasnt trying to call anyone out, I should have said, for those "thinking of" instead of saying. It is just coincidence that my experience was piano. My point was that in some instances you can force a kid all you want, but that doesnt make them like it, excel at it, or thank you for it later. I can tell you I took Piano for 8 years and I dont thank my mother for it at all. I actually very much resent that I wasnt able to use that time to do something I really enjoyed. That damn piano sits in my mom's house still. (Do I have issues? maybe...lol.)

Again, just my 2c from another point of view. May not change your mind, and Im not trying to, Im just offering something to think about for when someone's kid really says, awww mom, I hate it. Maybe they really do.

-- Edited by Erin on Friday 21st of August 2009 03:32:40 PM
Yeah, 8 years is too long to force a child to play any instrument if they truly hate it, even though I can see why your mom would do that.

But I come from the flip side of the coin. I honestly don't remember how many years I was forced to take, but I hated practicing so so much that I would beg and plead to quit. Finally, after a number of years, my mom gave in, and I quit. I deeply regret that, and I wish she had pushed me, not only to stick with it, but to practice as I should have too. I hated practicing in front of people and have them hear my mistakes-I have always had a fear of failure and quit things before I have the chance to fail at them-and I wish like nothing else that my mom had just made me do it. But I was writing songs for my mom when I was like 6 and 7. I obviously had the talent to do it, and it was *her* experience of being forced to play as a child that made her *not* force me. (ftr, she is very grateful to her mother for forcing her into it, as it has been a lifelong love for her to play)

You know how on SYTYCD Jeanine said she hated dance as a kid but her mom made her stick with it and she was very grateful? That is totally me. But with piano and without skills because I didn't stick with it, lmao.

So my girls may hate that I force them into it, and they may never appreciate that I did. But I'll risk that over not forcing them into something that might turn out to be a real gift for them later in life.

I think it would be very telling that after a period of time in that you could tell if your child had talent with it or not. So, to just keep pushing something without seeing any improvement, love or passion for something does not seem like a grand idea to me, but that is me.

It sounded like you had skills from early on that your mother saw in you. I think that is where most parents then push for their children to stick with something.

Rich played violin from age 2- current. He hates it now and will not touch it. He does not regret the years, but does not have a loving feeling when he thinks of them. Sure he was talented and did well. He played in the symphony during college. The minute he could drop it, he did. That kind of is sad to me. I mean he never did it for the love of it. He did it because it was expected of him and could never get out of it. He had a scholarship in college that required him to play in symphony. He played college soccer too and loved that. So, not sure what I am saying really. I see both sides of it, but I think for me I will choose to find something for my child that they have passion and desire for. There is too much in life that we "have to do". So, why create one more thing just because it is impressive. I think every kid hates to practice something at a point in their life. You need to push them many of times to stick with something, but I think there is a clear stopping point that it becomes all about the parents wishes, dreams and no longer about the child and their happiness and spirit. Life is just too damn short for me. I plan to make them miserable in other ways,lol :)

i agree with a lot of what you say here.
i think for me, and this sounds maybe over the top, but as a piano player for 29 yrs this is really how i feel - not enforcing the piano thing would be like never making them read a book bc they didnt feel like it.
i'm not saying my kids have to practice 2 hours a day.
but i think a 30 min piano lesson once a week and maybe 15 min of practice a day, or even every other day, is totally within reason. they dont have to be virtuosos. that's all my parents required of me. i agree that if there's NO skill there, then there's not a huge point in continuing for long, but like i said, i want them to know their way around a piano. not bc it's impressive or something that would personally fulfill ME, but bc i think it's a cognitive process that extends the brain and fine motor skills. it's sort of like wanting them to know another language too. just something you cant really lose on.
but i totally understand music isnt for everyone. i remember hating practicing too. i remember my mom actually telling my teacher that certain pieces were too frustrating for me, and could we move in another direction, etc. it doesnt have to be a high pressure situation, and it was never high pressure for me at all. maybe i didnt enjoy every second of it, but it was never that big of a deal. :dunno

I respect that and totally understand it, but what if they wanted to play another instrument. Do they have to play piano? By playing another it would fall under that cognitive process.

yes they have to play piano. LOL. (i feel like i sound like the worst mom here! i wish you guys could here how laid back my tone is with all of this though). seriously all i'm saying is that they have to know their way around the piano. they can BY ALL MEANS play anything else they want to in addition. the cognitive process for piano is different. i havent done my research in this area, but just playing other instruments myself, i do know that having to read both right and left hand simultaneously, and having both right and left hand doing the simultaneous tasks is different from other instruments. it's not that one is playing chords and one is strumming. or that one is pressing the strings and one is using the bow. or like in sax how they are doing the same thing, but one finger at a time. i'm not saying one instrument is superior, but the skill in piano is a technicality that i want for them. like i said, and please understand what i mean here - they dont have to be great. or even good. they dont have to love it. but i want them to know it, and i want them to know how to say "puedo ir al bano" too, kwim? they dont need to be fluent. i'm really not saying this in a pushy way. :)

LDSMOM · Senior Member

daisy wrote:

yes they have to play piano. LOL. (i feel like i sound like the worst mom here! i wish you guys could here how laid back my tone is with all of this though). seriously all i'm saying is that they have to know their way around the piano. they can BY ALL MEANS play anything else they want to in addition. the cognitive process for piano is different. i havent done my research in this area, but just playing other instruments myself, i do know that having to read both right and left hand simultaneously, and having both right and left hand doing the simultaneous tasks is different from other instruments. it's not that one is playing chords and one is strumming. or that one is pressing the strings and one is using the bow. or like in sax how they are doing the same thing, but one finger at a time. i'm not saying one instrument is superior, but the skill in piano is a technicality that i want for them. like i said, and please understand what i mean here - they dont have to be great. or even good. they dont have to love it. but i want them to know it, and i want them to know how to say "puedo ir al bano" too, kwim? they dont need to be fluent. i'm really not saying this in a pushy way. :)

That must be why I have such a hard time with piano and not with other instruments. lol I can play just about any instrument you hand to me, if I have a fingering chart to go with it. However, I've been playing piano for 25 years and I'm miserable at it. I just can't seem to follow all those lines at once easily. It's the only instrument I've ever had to work hard at. Everything else comes easy to me.