This came at the end of Anna's sentence a few nights ago. "Mommy, I think I'll save the rest of this cake for later. I don't want to get fat."
Oy-vay.
Where do you begin to tackle this? FTR, I think it came from her asking me why I wasn't eating something and I said it had too much fat in it and I was trying not to eat those kinds of things. She asked what fat was, and I tried to explain, using my giant gut as reference, lmao, but tried not to make it negative, just factual. I also said it wasn't healthy to have all of this fat on my body, which is why I was trying to get rid of it. So maybe I said the wrong thing, even though I tried really hard to say the best thing???
IDK. At any rate, she asked if there was fat in the cake, and I said yes, and then she ate some, and pushed the rest aside with the above sentence.
I REALLY don't want to get either of them on this mind set about getting fat or whatever. I mean, she is FOUR. So what should I say next time???
I think I might tell her that you certainly understand that, but as her mommy you make sure she eats in a healthy way so that she doesn't get fat. Tell her that it is okay to have some cake because you would not have given it to her otherwise and she doesn't need to worry about it, that's your job.
Maybe you can tell her that's why desserts come after we've eaten the healthy food. It's ok to eat junk food some of the time and our bodies do need some fat to be healthy.
ugh, I have been there supa, Kiera has parroted some of my poor self image comments and I am really trying to curb them, at least in front of her. lol.
I try to talk about nutritous and healthy foods, which give her lots of energy and let her run around and keep her head sharp, as opposed to sugary foods that give her quick energy, but it doesn't last and are bad for her teeth, or unhealthy foods which taste good but make her tired sluggish. haha.
ETA: to address the actual post, like Libby, I will say something like "thats okay, you got plenty of energy from the green beans" or "thats okay, just a little as fine, you just cant overdo it"
So, if she is going to have something sugary, we talk about how she needs other good food to make sure she has energy.
Kiera is funny, she will say, "I cant have that, cause it doesnt give me energy right mom?"
Now, snacking is our downfall!
-- Edited by Erin on Wednesday 19th of August 2009 11:35:25 PM
this is such a tough thing. R isnt getting weight-stuff from me, but i did notice that she complains about her hair a lot. :bag she tells me she wants it straight, and she doesnt like curls, and they're too messy & big, etc. i know that's all from me - she sees me straightening it, hears me frustrated with it, etc. i have totally curbed all talk about hair around here. i just dont want any negative self-image stuff coming through.
as for weight conversations, we have had them. she has asked me why some people are "fluffier" (lmao). she has also asked me why people always talk/ask about my size. she's definitely in tune to these topics, and has a lot of questions. chances are, my kids will be bigger than i am (i'm pretty much as small as it gets before youre talking growth hormone issue- lmao). i never want them to feel "big" because they have a small mom.
i've been tellign her that everyone is a different size and shape, and we all do our best to eat healthy food and get some exercise because god gave us each a unique body and our job is to keep it healthy. i tell her that sweets are a great treat, but only after we eat our healthy food. i tell her that people comment on my size bc "i just had a baby" (i know it's been 2 yrs) and my tummy went away. i try SUPER hard to keep all junkfood comments to a minimum - if i overeat on the cookies, i say something like "i'm going to get a tummyache soon if i dont stop eating these."
i grew up with an overweight mom. i have VIVID memories of her standing in front of the mirror saying things like "i swore i'd never be fat like my mom" and "i cant believe how fat i am" and "i hate looking in the mirror" and stuff like that. i totally remember it 100%. (and i can remember swearing in my head that *i'd* never be fat either). it's so hard to remember to keep the self-esteem stuff to myself, but i'm REALLY trying. R even told me the other day that she doesnt like how she looks in strapless dresses. (??? that was ALL me, and i revised it by saying "i just love how i look in other stuff so much more.")
i hate how early this all starts. it really sucks. this job is so hard. sorry this is so long - but it's something i've been thinking a lot about for sure.
Thanks you ladies SO MUCH. I hate too that this is starting so early, but I feel like I have some additional things to say when it comes up again.
It's funny because I pretty much never make comments about myself in front of them, but when Anna was asking about fat, I pointed out my own (easy example-but I didn't say it with any commentary). Anyway, it was like, "Well, if MOMMY has it, it must be a good thing!" because she said, "Well, maybe when I get bigger, *I'll* get a belly like that too!" Then I jumped in and said that it isn't healthy to have this belly and that I was trying to get rid of it-I guess that what you say to them translates differently in their four year old minds!!
Right now, she doesn't seem to really have any truly negative feelings about herself or anything like that, I just wish I knew exactly how to keep it that way!
I know my mom used to say, "Smaller kids, smaller problems. Bigger kids, bigger problems" and I am starting to see hot true that is! I LOVE this age-it is so fun in so many ways-but the problems are definitely making me think more. I can only imagine how stressful their problems will be when they are tweens and teenagers!!!!!
Thanks you ladies SO MUCH. I hate too that this is starting so early, but I feel like I have some additional things to say when it comes up again.
It's funny because I pretty much never make comments about myself in front of them, but when Anna was asking about fat, I pointed out my own (easy example-but I didn't say it with any commentary). Anyway, it was like, "Well, if MOMMY has it, it must be a good thing!" because she said, "Well, maybe when I get bigger, *I'll* get a belly like that too!" Then I jumped in and said that it isn't healthy to have this belly and that I was trying to get rid of it-I guess that what you say to them translates differently in their four year old minds!!
Right now, she doesn't seem to really have any truly negative feelings about herself or anything like that, I just wish I knew exactly how to keep it that way!
I know my mom used to say, "Smaller kids, smaller problems. Bigger kids, bigger problems" and I am starting to see hot true that is! I LOVE this age-it is so fun in so many ways-but the problems are definitely making me think more. I can only imagine how stressful their problems will be when they are tweens and teenagers!!!!!
ohhhh totally. i can definitely see why you said what you said, and how that got a little confused for her. it's so hard to always find the right thing to say - and what you said, i think, is totally appropriate - you just never know how they're going to process it!
R totally caught me offguard the other day when we passed a cemetary. i was NOT ready for that convo!! so i said whatever...probably all the wrong stuff, but tried to angle it as a place where we can remember people who have died - but when we got home, she a) 'buried' cara under a blanket and said she was 'playing cemetary,' and b) set up all the cookie cutters in rows and had her mini-carebear walk around them looking for stones. YIKES!!!
Thanks you ladies SO MUCH. I hate too that this is starting so early, but I feel like I have some additional things to say when it comes up again.
It's funny because I pretty much never make comments about myself in front of them, but when Anna was asking about fat, I pointed out my own (easy example-but I didn't say it with any commentary). Anyway, it was like, "Well, if MOMMY has it, it must be a good thing!" because she said, "Well, maybe when I get bigger, *I'll* get a belly like that too!" Then I jumped in and said that it isn't healthy to have this belly and that I was trying to get rid of it-I guess that what you say to them translates differently in their four year old minds!!
Right now, she doesn't seem to really have any truly negative feelings about herself or anything like that, I just wish I knew exactly how to keep it that way!
I know my mom used to say, "Smaller kids, smaller problems. Bigger kids, bigger problems" and I am starting to see hot true that is! I LOVE this age-it is so fun in so many ways-but the problems are definitely making me think more. I can only imagine how stressful their problems will be when they are tweens and teenagers!!!!!
ohhhh totally. i can definitely see why you said what you said, and how that got a little confused for her. it's so hard to always find the right thing to say - and what you said, i think, is totally appropriate - you just never know how they're going to process it!
R totally caught me offguard the other day when we passed a cemetary. i was NOT ready for that convo!! so i said whatever...probably all the wrong stuff, but tried to angle it as a place where we can remember people who have died - but when we got home, she a) 'buried' cara under a blanket and said she was 'playing cemetary,' and b) set up all the cookie cutters in rows and had her mini-carebear walk around them looking for stones. YIKES!!!
OMG. I am lmao at her playing cemetary!!!!! I can TOTALLY see Anna doing that too-if we ever passed any on our trips out. IHNI what I would even say!!!!!
R is just too cute for words. And smart as a whip!!! I love her to pieces. And how funny that C was willing to be "buried"!!!
