Update on me

SerenityNow · Veteran Member

Update on me

Cuppycake · Guru

I'm saying a ton of prayers for you, honey. I hate that you have to deal with this at all, but I hope in the end, no matter what, you have peace with everything.

Lizzy · Guru

SerenityNow wrote:

Seriously, this roller coaster is not what I signed up for. I can't even begin to describe my emotions at this point.

MIL took the kids for two days and we talked. Well, it started with me talking and then progressively yelling until I was hoarse. He let me yell, scream and took it all because he knows he deserves it and worse.

What sucks is there just isn't an easy "why". I was unhappy too, but it never occurred to me to go and get a boyfriend. What is the worst is that what I respected and admired the MOST about him was that he was an ethical and moral man.

Since I felt in the mood to pour some salt on the wounds I even found a letter I wrote to him 7 years ago where it states that I was enthralled by his moral nature. Yup, that made him feel like crap and that made me happy.

He wants us to do therapy. He doesn't know what he was thinking and he was miserable and can't believe he did this to me. He says he made up that I was a bitch in his head (to relieve the guilt?) and he sees that what I never was or ever will be, is a bitch. Well, kinda anyway.

He did break it off with her before I caught him. I verified with her and the phone records. The question to get through this, if we can, is how to trust again. That's the kicker.

In honesty, it is the lies that bother me the most. I think back to all the dates he was talking with her and how he was doing x, y and z with me. ERRRR! Can we get through this? Should we? These are the questions now.

We did then spend the weekend together working on things and I see the husband I haven't seen for a year. The one who is playful and laughing and buys flowers, and seeing that makes me think there IS something to salvage.

I still want to kill him FYI. I hope that passes.

So, at this juncture we are working on things. I told him I may be insane to agree to try, but I have never been that sane. I am forgiving and will forgive (have to no matter what) but the trust issue is the thing that may kill us.

All the prayers that this can be healed needed. Well, no matter our relationship, I need to heal.

Kate...you are in my constant prayers. I am praying that you and he can work it out and the trust will come back. I guess one thing I have learned is that trust can't be proven....it can only be disproven. My dh (before we were married) and I had some trust issues and I just had to learn that I can either trust him or not...there was no middle ground.

lots of ((hugs))

3s_a_crowd · Guru

hugs.

one thing i would suggest is to call him randomly. tell him that because he lost your trust you need to be able to know where he is at all times. He shouldnt get upset if theres nothing to hide and should be willing to tell you exactly where hell be and for how long and you to question him.

But more than anything Prayers for you kate. I hope that you can find a peace in your life whether that is with him, or without him.

sbucking · Guru

Lots of prayers that you find answers and peace with your decisions.

happylib · Guru

I will send up some prayers for you. I hope you do go to therapy together. Given all that you have written here, I think it is wise to make the effort to work it out. You didn't and never have deserved what he did. But that does not change the good history and the family you have together. Not that I am an expert, but by doing this I think you will be more comfortable with your decisions regardless of where they lead. I truly hope that he becomes trustworthy and worthy of you again. :hug:

Juanita · Guru

You've been in my prayers and will continue to be!

Love you

Robin · Guru

I'm praying for you too, Kate.

Erin · Guru

I cant imagine how tough it is right now. We are pulling for you and just want you to be happy and respected and loved, no matter what happens.

sappy · Guru

kate,

i hope you can work through all this pain and come out on the other side whole, happy and at peace. whether that means married or single.

i admire you for being willing to work even though you've been so hurt. i think counseling is a great idea.

we're here for you.

Jo · Guru

keeping you in my prayers, Kate

Sara · Guru

continued prayers kate.

Picture-Perfect · Guru

Erin wrote:

I cant imagine how tough it is right now. We are pulling for you and just want you to be happy and respected and loved, no matter what happens.

My thoughts exactly Kate. Do what you need to do and I pray that the outcome is what's best for you and your sweet little men. I'm still praying for you and i'm so glad that you updated.

CoffeeQueen · Guru

praying for you that you find the strength to do what is best for you and your family. You are in a hard spot, but marriage is a lot of work.

I wish you the best and hope you never have to live this type of pain again.

korilu · Veteran Member

Prayers coming your way.

Alison · Guru

(((hugs)))

You are so strong and I am so proud of you. You are constantly in my thoughts.

daisy · Guru

wow kate - sounds like so much to sort through - i'm thinking about you a TON and give you a world of respect for trying to work through this.

LoveMy2 · Member

What an update!!! I actually left you a message the other day which I NEVER do smile

cause I hadn't heard from ya ... so I'm very glad to see this! I hope whatever happens in the end, it is all that YOU want! You deserve nothing but the best, as do your boys!!!!

I love you bunches and hope that if you decide to go for the counseling that you are able to get the peace in your heart that you so deserve!!!!

(I'm going to miss you lots when I get to Florida on Thurs!!! cry

)

dorian · Senior Member

only you can know what is right for you and your heart.

wishing you all the best in therapy and over the months to come.

FWIW, i think you deserve the best i hope he agrees and is ready to step up. :kisses

CheleLyn · Senior Member

((hugs))

Hoping you can find some peace and that things will work out as they should for all involved.