Is it just me or...

Cuppycake · Guru

RE: Is it just me or...

CoffeeQueen · Guru

Cuppycake wrote:

If it was once in a while, yes. But because for Joe to help, it has to be worse than horrible. He's kind of blind to that type of stuff (and/or just really doesn't want to help.) I know it's not for everyone, and I think it's great for those that have help, so I'm not trying to start a hot topic, but Joe works a LOT, and the deal (my idea, not his) was always for me to take care of a majority of the housework (he does trash, and litter box detail) and Hannah... I didn't know what I was getting myself into, lmao. Sometimes it is just too much for one person, but in all honesty, generally it's a lack of motivation, and my own ineffeciency not taking being a homemaker seriously. So, it would still probably bother me, even if he didn't have the blinders up.

I talked about this before, but I think it was a part of the women's movement where women got seriously shortchanged into thinking that we should be able to have (and handle) it all, juggle absolutely everything with grace and poise, and I have a hard time giving up that whole thought, eventhough I have no desire (at this point) to work outside of the home, so I have no idea how working (ykwim) moms juggle that, too, because even if I worked outside of the home, I'd feel that way. In my head I'm very June Cleaver... in my actions, not so much!

Ya know I was thinking about this after I posted. I really think it just boils down to presonality and also how your spouse responds. My Dh loves to clean the kitchen. Well, not sure he loves it, but he feels better when things are clean and even before we had children he would get up in the am and straighten the house and clean the kitchen. I honestly never took offense to it. I knew then that I did not make the mess and he just was like that.

It really is hard though working and taking care of kids and a house. It can consume you. However, that is why I think it takes two in the household to help when both are working. I am not sure why women who work out of the home still feel it is their job when you both are working and such, but that is just my opinion and not trying to create a hot topic.

Leah, why do you feel that if you worked outside the home it would be all your responsibility too? Not asking in a judgemental way, but just curious because I do not think like that. However, I was raised with a father like that. He never did any housework/child raising so to speak, etc.

I think it just boils down to each family and what works for them. I would be curious though how many women would allow the husband to help if he would without complaining? I know many women cannot let go of the control of feeling like they do it the right way. I let go of that really early on in life because I knew I would sink if I did not.

I am no Martha by any means, but we keep a clean house.

Supafly · Guru

Nope-not an ounce of guilt. When we got married, we made a deal that one of us would cook and the other would do the dishes. Since I am always the one to cook dinners, he is the one who is supposed to clean the dishes. Such is the way-I feel like I spend enough time in the kitchen, he can do his part too.

Him doing the dishes doesn't always happen-sometimes I would rather do dishes than play with the girls after dinner, if we have had one of "those" days, but he never minds doing it (he doesn't do it until the girls are down though, typically)-and like I said, that was always our deal. We sat down early on in our marriage and divided chores. I took over more when I quit my job, but it is still a partnership around here and I expect him to help out. (which he does in spades-just not a lot on the inside of the house. But like Jenn said, i am not interested in mowing, taking trash out, plumbing, electrical work, or any of the other manual labor he does, so it is fine with me!) It has been a good thing though-we don't fight too much about chores unless one of us is a slacker in getting something done because we know who is supposed to do what.

We bicker a lot about the ice cubes though. The people before us bought THE cheapest fridge they could, so we just have trays, which I HATE. And he almost ALWAYS take the last of the ice and doesn't empty the trays. It pisses me off!!!!

We still thank each other though-I think that is part of a mutual respect, and it is nice that the other person notices that you are helping out.