Well my brother & sis-in-law (who weren't trying to get pregnant but did) JUST had the baby just a moment ago. My brother just texted me a picture of his fourth child, and his first daughter. I feel numb, and sad (and disappointed that I feel that way.) I am also happy for them at the same time. I was actually fine until my husband had to go and ask how I was feeling and give me this long look in the eyes to make sure... damn him and his compassionate side!
For some reason as crazy as this sounds I didn't realize that one day she would actually have the baby. I guess I just thought she would be pregnant forever. I know that sounds crazy. A few weeks ago I made it through the baby shower and had fun (even though I felt like I was going to puke while I was shopping for baby gifts) I will probably go by the hospital later tonight... I just don't want to burst into tears or make my brother and his wife feel any sort of sadness on the day they should be nothing but happy.
Nobody has to respond I just wanted to get all that out but couldn't admit it to anyone in my family.
I can absolutely see how and why this is difficult for you. Don't be down on yourself about it, these are natural feelings...even if they don't feel good, it makes perfect sense that you feel this way.
Kari, I am thinking of you. Know that it's okay not to go to visit tonight. It's okay to take care of you.
agree. I have been in a very similar situation and it's so hard. You are genuinely happy for them but it still hurts. And then you feel guilt over the hurt.
You have to take care of yourself and let yourself mourn/be sad/whatever you need to feel. It's normal and ok and expected.
Thanks ladies for always listening and having the right words that I need to hear.
I ended up going tonight and seeing her and holding her and I'm glad I did.She was crying a little when they handed her to me but she stopped crying when I held her and snuggled her and she just looked up at me with these big dark eyes fully awake.
I was expecting it to be a lot harder than it was but it was fine. My brother and sister-in-law have just been so great and extra thoughtful about everything when they didn't have to be. After visiting hours were over I left and then my brother called and asked me to meet him to go get dinner. It was nice to get and just talk to him one on one. I am excited to finally have a girl on this side of our family. Before she was born it's just been 6 boys between me, my brother and my sister. Having a neice is the next best thing to having a daughter and this way I can spoil her and then send her home. I'll try and post pictures later but right now they are trying to keep her birth hush hush until they get home so they don't have a million people stopping by in the hospital.
