s/o kidnapping-what are you telling your kids?

Lizzy · Guru

s/o kidnapping-what are you telling your kids?

Juni · Guru

You know, we haven't really gone into great detail about this other than not talking to or going with strangers. Thanks for this post. While I'm not super concerned about them being kidnapped I want them to be prepared should the need ever arise. Any good resources? Videos?

-- Edited by Juni on Tuesday 9th of August 2011 05:30:36 PM

Lucy · Senior Member

We have had very short chats about how some people are good and some people are bad, and until we know people we just don't know which one of those they are. They are never really alone, so it's not of high high importance right now. The hardest question he asked me about it was why he isnt supposed to talk to people he doesn't know but why do I say 'good morning' if we pass someone we don't know if we are on a walk or something.

Picture-Perfect · Guru

We have definitely talked here and there with Hannah. It is a huge concern of mine so I am doing my best to bring it up often but lightly if that makes sense. I just let her know there are very bad people in this world and that she cannot go with people that she doesn't know. I think we are also going to come up with a safe word, a word that if someone she doesn't know comes to get her or someone she doesn't know really well she asks them for the word. It would be a word we would tell whoever it was that was going to be interacting with her. I don't know again I guess maybe I watch the news too much but it seems to be a pretty commonly occuring thing, scares the crap out of me.

CoffeeQueen · Guru

The kids know to never go with anyone unless we have told them that nana is picking you up, etc. Just explain that even if someone know their name or even if hey k ow our animals names, etc. To never go. We have a code word and anytime t is not us or my parents, they know to ask the code word. I the person does not know it, they are to run or go find an adult.

Also, go to park with them and roleplay.

Juni · Guru

I found this: http://www.missingkids.com/en_US/documents/nismart2_nonfamily.pdf It was done in the last decade. I am sure the numbers have changed a bit but I'm guessing the percentages are pretty similar and haven't changed all that much. Anyway, they said there was an estimated 115 stereotypical kidnappings in the year they looked at. So, the kind of kidnappings being talked about here - strangers abducting, etc.

I really think the risk is low and it's not something I have anxiety about (thank God, I have enough anxiety about other things, I can't handle more ;) but it's one of those things that you would want to be prepared for in the event your child is one of those few children. I (personally) do not consider it a common occurrence - as far as the stereotypical kidnapping goes.

Juni · Guru

CoffeeQueen wrote:
The kids know to never go with anyone unless we have told them that nana is picking you up, etc. Just explain that even if someone know their name or even if hey k ow our animals names, etc. To never go. We have a code word and anytime t is not us or my parents, they know to ask the code word. I the person does not know it, they are to run or go find an adult.

Also, go to park with them and roleplay.

I like the idea of a code word (or "pass it" word as my boys call it.) That is a good idea.

CoffeeQueen · Guru

I do not have anxiety over it at all. I can think of ten million other things that scare me about kids, lol. Anyhing can happen.

Juni · Guru

I think I have less fear too because we are always with the boys at this point. Or they are with grandparents and during those times usually just at their house. Nobody else ever picks them up or takes them places so they are already kind of on the wave length that nobody else picks them up or takes them. But, I do need to work with them so they know how to respond and leave or what words to say. I think it's one of those things where you sort of forget what you're supposed to do in the situation.

Lizzy · Guru

Juni....yes, definitely rare but i also am trying to prepare her for any kind of dangerous interaction as well, ie. sexual molestation. so, we talk about going with your "gut" instinct, and if someone touches you to tell me, no secrets, etc. I think the statistics on sexual molestation are very high. and we will all be coming into the age where they will have sleepovers, or be more independent.

gogona · Guru

I have had that talk with Christopher.

I told him that there are a lot of good people and a lot of bad people out there. And if someone who we don't know approaches him and tells him to go with him/her, he should not listen run to the teacher or someone he knows and tell them about it. Even if that person tells him that he knows me or DH and even if that person promises to give him toys and candy.

Christopher was a little scared when I told him and had lots of questions but I would rather scare him a little bit than have something terrible happen to him. He is very gullible by the way with strangers so he needed that talk.

Juni · Guru

Lizzy wrote:
Juni....yes, definitely rare but i also am trying to prepare her for any kind of dangerous interaction as well, ie. sexual molestation. so, we talk about going with your "gut" instinct, and if someone touches you to tell me, no secrets, etc. I think the statistics on sexual molestation are very high. and we will all be coming into the age where they will have sleepovers, or be more independent.

ITA with you on that one. In fact, Doug and I have talked about it and even though it's less common with boys to have sleepovers, we aren't letting them do sleepovers. I don't know at what point if we will but we aren't going to allow them to do them except at their grandparents houses.

Juni · Guru

Juni wrote:
Lizzy wrote:
Juni....yes, definitely rare but i also am trying to prepare her for any kind of dangerous interaction as well, ie. sexual molestation. so, we talk about going with your "gut" instinct, and if someone touches you to tell me, no secrets, etc. I think the statistics on sexual molestation are very high. and we will all be coming into the age where they will have sleepovers, or be more independent.
ITA with you on that one. In fact, Doug and I have talked about it and even though it's less common with boys to have sleepovers, we aren't letting them do sleepovers. I don't know at what point if we will but we aren't going to allow them to do them except at their grandparents houses.

Just to add - you just never know who is going to be in that house. Older siblings...a friend of the other siblings...even the child that is a friend. You just never know.

Supafly · Guru

I like the idea of a code word too.

I haven't talked about this much with them, aside from the usual not to go with anyone but us or another family member. But it does scare the crap out of me. Not that I stay up nights worrying about it, but after having seen some of the shows about this topic (and I remember one Oprah show that was very graphic about sexual molesters that really made an impact), it just worries me.

I thank the Lord we haven't gotten into sleepovers yet. Because you really never know. I was raped by the older brother of a friend of mine in high school-and he was a "nice" guy. You just don't know. And having girls, it is something on my mind a lot more.

For now though, they aren't out places without us, and if they are, they are with my parents. My mom might be the only other person MORE paranoid about this kind of thing, so I know she keeps very close watch on them. But as they get older, I will have to be more frank with them about this kind of thing.

Juni · Guru

Supafly wrote:
I like the idea of a code word too.

I haven't talked about this much with them, aside from the usual not to go with anyone but us or another family member. But it does scare the crap out of me. Not that I stay up nights worrying about it, but after having seen some of the shows about this topic (and I remember one Oprah show that was very graphic about sexual molesters that really made an impact), it just worries me.

I thank the Lord we haven't gotten into sleepovers yet. Because you really never know. I was raped by the older brother of a friend of mine in high school-and he was a "nice" guy. You just don't know. And having girls, it is something on my mind a lot more.

For now though, they aren't out places without us, and if they are, they are with my parents. My mom might be the only other person MORE paranoid about this kind of thing, so I know she keeps very close watch on them. But as they get older, I will have to be more frank with them about this kind of thing.

I had no idea that happened to you! Was it reported?

daisy · Guru

Juni wrote:
Supafly wrote:
I like the idea of a code word too.

I haven't talked about this much with them, aside from the usual not to go with anyone but us or another family member. But it does scare the crap out of me. Not that I stay up nights worrying about it, but after having seen some of the shows about this topic (and I remember one Oprah show that was very graphic about sexual molesters that really made an impact), it just worries me.

I thank the Lord we haven't gotten into sleepovers yet. Because you really never know. I was raped by the older brother of a friend of mine in high school-and he was a "nice" guy. You just don't know. And having girls, it is something on my mind a lot more.

For now though, they aren't out places without us, and if they are, they are with my parents. My mom might be the only other person MORE paranoid about this kind of thing, so I know she keeps very close watch on them. But as they get older, I will have to be more frank with them about this kind of thing.
I had no idea that happened to you! Was it reported?

i didnt know either - god how terrible laura.

the recent horrible event in brooklyn made it impossible NOT to have this conversation with NY kids this past month. ug. the local news advised to tell your kids that if they are lost, to look for someone "who looks like mommy or grandma" which i think is pretty good advice (and wont scare your kids too much).

Supafly · Guru

daisy wrote:
Juni wrote:
Supafly wrote:
I like the idea of a code word too.

I haven't talked about this much with them, aside from the usual not to go with anyone but us or another family member. But it does scare the crap out of me. Not that I stay up nights worrying about it, but after having seen some of the shows about this topic (and I remember one Oprah show that was very graphic about sexual molesters that really made an impact), it just worries me.

I thank the Lord we haven't gotten into sleepovers yet. Because you really never know. I was raped by the older brother of a friend of mine in high school-and he was a "nice" guy. You just don't know. And having girls, it is something on my mind a lot more.

For now though, they aren't out places without us, and if they are, they are with my parents. My mom might be the only other person MORE paranoid about this kind of thing, so I know she keeps very close watch on them. But as they get older, I will have to be more frank with them about this kind of thing.
I had no idea that happened to you! Was it reported?
i didnt know either - god how terrible laura.
the recent horrible event in brooklyn made it impossible NOT to have this conversation with NY kids this past month. ug. the local news advised to tell your kids that if they are lost, to look for someone "who looks like mommy or grandma" which i think is pretty good advice (and wont scare your kids too much).

No, no one ever knew. I had gone over to her house looking for her, she wasn't home, it happened, I was mortified and never talked to anyone about it. I walked around the block a few times and cried after it happened, then went home like it never had. He was a jock and a real popular guy-IDK-I felt like it was my fault at the time. She and I really weren't friends after that though, and I always felt badly for pretty much bailing on the friendship with no explanation.

Kelly, I am going to have to look this up. Sounds really awful, whatever it was. And it must not have made national headlines-I haven't heard anything about this!

Michele · Senior Member

We have the Safe Side video and the girls watch that. My DH and I also talk with them on a regular basis about safety. We also have talked with them recently about bodies and what is theirs and had the talk about strangers who might want to hurt them and even people who they know who could hurt them. We want to make sure they know it is never okay for anyone to see or touch their body in the areas that their swimsuit covers up no matter who it is.

daisy · Guru

Supafly wrote:
daisy wrote:
Juni wrote:
Supafly wrote:
I like the idea of a code word too.

I haven't talked about this much with them, aside from the usual not to go with anyone but us or another family member. But it does scare the crap out of me. Not that I stay up nights worrying about it, but after having seen some of the shows about this topic (and I remember one Oprah show that was very graphic about sexual molesters that really made an impact), it just worries me.

I thank the Lord we haven't gotten into sleepovers yet. Because you really never know. I was raped by the older brother of a friend of mine in high school-and he was a "nice" guy. You just don't know. And having girls, it is something on my mind a lot more.

For now though, they aren't out places without us, and if they are, they are with my parents. My mom might be the only other person MORE paranoid about this kind of thing, so I know she keeps very close watch on them. But as they get older, I will have to be more frank with them about this kind of thing.
I had no idea that happened to you! Was it reported?
i didnt know either - god how terrible laura.
the recent horrible event in brooklyn made it impossible NOT to have this conversation with NY kids this past month. ug. the local news advised to tell your kids that if they are lost, to look for someone "who looks like mommy or grandma" which i think is pretty good advice (and wont scare your kids too much).
No, no one ever knew. I had gone over to her house looking for her, she wasn't home, it happened, I was mortified and never talked to anyone about it. I walked around the block a few times and cried after it happened, then went home like it never had. He was a jock and a real popular guy-IDK-I felt like it was my fault at the time. She and I really weren't friends after that though, and I always felt badly for pretty much bailing on the friendship with no explanation.
Kelly, I am going to have to look this up. Sounds really awful, whatever it was. And it must not have made national headlines-I haven't heard anything about this!

god how terrible laura :(

Corey · Guru

i have brought this up numerous times. my parents live in senior housing where home businesses are not allowed so six years ago i told my father he could run his business out of our basement until he retired (in 2 years) thinking connor would only be 2 and not alone at that point, etc. well, he never retired. so we have randoms here often, which i hate, but at this point i know it will end up in a huge family battle if i tell him he needs to leave.

anyways, despite having talked about it a ton, my kids still opened the front door to two solicitors yesterday while i was in the shower. i walked into the hallway in a towel and saw them on the front steps and went ape shit on my kids screaming "what are you thinking opening the door to strangers. shut the door!" needless to say the solicitors left. then i got dressed and drove around until i found them so i could ask them why they were at my house (b/c i'm crazy like that).

afterwards connor said "mom, i just trust in people." :(