Hey girls, I need some help. Hannah is having a hard time sleeping at night lately. She wakes up multiple times, she says she's having bad dreams. Tonight when I got home she looked horrible. Big dark circles under her eyes and she just looked empty. She was awake at 10 last night and when I got up at 0450 to use the bathroom I could hear her music on. She goes to sleep with light music. I asked her if something was wrong and she welled up she said she's having bad dreams and I asked her what they were about. She said she didn't like them then said she is dreaming about fires. We had a fire in the neighborhood a couple weeks ago but it was in the early morning and she didn't see the smoke and stuff but she knows it happened. I reassured her tonight that we would protect her and not let anything bad happen to her and she said "Bryson too?" So she's just having fears and I think i've heard that it's normal for them to start fearing more things but I don't know what to do really. I told her we would always protect her and Bryson and that God watches over all of us constantly, gave her lots of extra attention and used some lavender oil on her before bed I'm sad for her. She sleeps with a night light, lovies, music until the CD is over, and a humidifier. Who's been through this with their kiddo's and what else can I do for her?
Amber, just tonight Kiera was scared of spiders sucking her blood.... She was also telling me she has bad dreams. Admitedly, she does not seem to be bothered once she goes to sleep, so so long as I can get her to sleep we are good, but, we visualize and talk about fun stuff, my little ponis, ice cream, cake, candy (lots of yummy food, lol), the fun she will have this summer, etc. I just try to get her thinking about good things and give her tools to think about good stuff on her own, as opposed to dwelling on the scary stuff.
Also, Im a cynical mommy, but I notice that the later it is, or the more she is trying to get out of going to bed, the more she is telling me she has bad dreams and bad thoughts. I think she uses that a little to try and delay me leaving her for the eve and it doesnt happen as often when we do bed time a bit earlier. Just a thought.
So hard to deal with them being scared. Good luck.
I'm sorry that Hannah is having trouble sleeping. Ivy is also having bad dreams (it hasn't affected her sleep yet, but she tells me about them in the morning). I think you are doing everything you can really. I know this sounds odd, but when I was little and I got scared, I would sing about Jesus (you know, Jesus loves me this i know...) anyway, it got my mind off the scary things and I always felt surrounded by love and felt protected. It's silly, i Know. but, i do plan to tell ivy this if she ever expresses fear.
oh, we are going through a horrible horrible fear stage right now.
Charlie is afraid of EVERYTHING.
He's afraid to go from one room in our apartment to another, the dark, ghosts, monsters, vampires, aliens, the wind, the rain, thunder, lightning. it's insane.
At night, I have to put a force field around his bed (he's smart enough to know this isn't real but he really wants to feel comfortable so he's letting himself believe it). I also put a dinosaur in charge - the dino has to stay awake all night and take care of Charlie while he's sleeping. He gets to sleep all day after he does this important job.
That has helped. Charlie is generally too logical to believe any of that but he's desperate to feel safe right now so he's grasping at straws.
Nightmares are hard. Elizabeth has them and even woke us up when she screamed. My son used to have them too. You have some really good suggestions. I know for my son it helped him to have a dream catcher. Maybe if you can talk to her about the fire during the middle of the day you can find out if that is the cause or if it's something else. I know that I also have to really monitor what media Elizabeth sees because that influences the nightmares. If she is having a really hard time falling asleep and it is really taking a toll on her, you can use melatonin. It is safe for children and it is something your body produces naturally. You can find chewable ones at GNC and health food type stores. The pediatrician recommended it for Elizabeth, but to be on the safe side, you can always ask yours. One way or another I hope your sweet girl is sleeping better soon.
We are going through the same thing. For us, tbh, I think it had a lot to do with how much I've been out of the house and my lack of attention to the quality of my time spent with her, vs. the quantity. She'd been having a lot of upset moments through the day, and was not sleeping well. I spent a night really catering to her needs, and when I was snuggling with her and brushing her hair, she started talking about all the things that were on her mind... from what I consider pretty normal - what if Remy (our dog) ran away, to the more morbid - what if his owner came back for him (he had a tramatic life start), what if Joe and I died, what would happen to here, what if there was a fire - I mean, Amber, in all honest, just a mile a minute, the worries on this girl's mind just blew me away. She was just absolutely plagued with hours of worries, that we just had to take individually and pick apart and break down into realistic expectations.
Now, I'm not saying that that's what's going on with your Hannah, I'm just throwing in what was the problem for us. We had to really knuckle down on a routine, and tbth, Hannah was never a big routine girl - but now she sleeps with certain animals that bring her comfort, and we do things in a certain order that works for us so that she knows, no matter what time it is that a is coming before b, c after b, etc. When she's really, really scared, we say the Protection Prayer - Joe used to say it to me when I was going through some craziness, and so it just became natural to pass that to Hannah because I think she's picked up on it being calming for me as well. And we just recently starting doing "Tell me the worst part of your day" followed by the best part, so that we're ending the night on a good note, instead of something sour. But really, the cliffnote version (again, for *us*) was that Hannah is very imaginative, and her reasoning hasn't caught up to her imagination, if that makes any sense. So we just really buffer, buffer, buffer, to the point of when she's upset, not just going with the "I had a nightmare" reasoning, but really pushing her to divulge what's underneath that. For our girly, there's almost always something underneath it all, that we can try to talk down and make it not so big. I think my Hannah is going to be a huge worry wart like I am, and that freaking terrifies me.
I hope it gets better for her, I know it's so hard to watch them struggle with that.
Ugh Amber. I am sorry!!! We are having sleep issues here too. Anna has bad dreams-nothing as vivid and frightening though. But she does, and she says she doesn't like to go to sleep because of them.
I got her a dreamcatcher at her request. She knew what they were, and she likes having it hanging over her bed. I also have talked with her a lot about things, and told her that it is normal to have dreams, they aren't all good, she can come and get me or call to me if she needs me, etc. She WILL use it if I let her-by having me lay with her until she falls asleep and such, but we don't really do much of that.
Also, I remind her every night to take her thinking cap off-she says she thinks too much about all of the bad things. It is a simple thing, but it is like it gives her permission to let it all go, you know? And I tell her she has a job to do-which is to get sleep. All of these things have helped a little. She has counted sheep too, but she says she likes to count other animals-like pigs jumping over a fence into some mud-not sure that one is actually helping her sleep.
All that said, I think part of her problem may actually be physical as well. For YEARS she has been congested all the time. I have brought it up to the pedi, he suggested allergy meds, we give them to her but IDK how much they actually help, etc. But this year, things have been worse. She has had more ear problems, and it seems to me that most kids have LESS as they get older. She is more congested than ever, and she seems tired all of the time. And then the sleep thing happened all of a sudden-she is just not sleeping well at all. And her behavior all of a sudden is not great. Anyway, my niece, who is now 13, had the same things go on at about the same age-in fact my SIL brought it up to us recently because of the way Anna talks (very nasally)-and as it turned out, she needed her tonsils and adnoids taken out. After that, she was fine. Anna's tonsils are so huge that I can barely see her throat behind them-literally. They almost touch. So we have an appt to see an ENT soon, which I should have done last year! So we'll see, but I think there is a physical component to it with her.
Nightmares are hard. Elizabeth has them and even woke us up when she screamed. My son used to have them too. You have some really good suggestions. I know for my son it helped him to have a dream catcher. Maybe if you can talk to her about the fire during the middle of the day you can find out if that is the cause or if it's something else. I know that I also have to really monitor what media Elizabeth sees because that influences the nightmares. If she is having a really hard time falling asleep and it is really taking a toll on her, you can use melatonin. It is safe for children and it is something your body produces naturally. You can find chewable ones at GNC and health food type stores. The pediatrician recommended it for Elizabeth, but to be on the safe side, you can always ask yours. One way or another I hope your sweet girl is sleeping better soon.
Yes!
Our doc also recommended it for Colin b/c of his sleep issues (night terrors, etc). It is a blessing. I use it too on nights I can't fall asleep. There is a liquid form as well but its a little pricier that the tablets.
Erin we totally do happy thoughts, right now it's happy thoughts about her birthday and summer break. Hannah definitely dawdles sometimes before bed but this is more of a she's been asleep and wakes up scared and cannot calm down for awhile.
Liz, good suggestion, we talked about Jesus protecting us and I think we will try praying about it and singing songs too. Sonya I love the idea of putting an animal in charge. She LOVES stuffed animals and has so many. I know she may not fully believe it but i'm going to try it.
Libby, I told her we should get her a dreamcatcher, it's on my list. Also I haven't tried the melatonin but i'm going to pick up some of a product by Herbs for Kids called Valerian Super Calm that we used when she was having night terrors when she was much younger that helped, so i'm hoping that will help her relax. I will see about the melatonin too. She cried out quite a few times last night but didn't seem all the way awake.
Leah I really appreciate you sharing all that, it made me think about things that could be bothering her. I know lately there has been some jealousy between her and Bryson. He's at a tough age for sharing etc. I'm also working extra because i'm filling in as temporary supervisor for my partner who's on maternity leave, i'm more stressed and have less patience. I think I need to spend some more quality time with her, time talking about her day and her worries and dreams and everything. It's really hard to be a parent sometimes. I think I have to clean the house and do everything and really I should step back and focus on her and Bryson more. I appreciate your view, and i'm not familiar with the protection prayer I don't think, pm me?
Supa great idea on the thinking cap. I didn't even think about that but I really see part of this being she can't out-think the fears if that makes sense, she lets it overwhelm her. I'm going to tell her that tonight. Hannah suffers from allergies sometimes bad sometimes not and I know that affects her sometimes. We will have her well visit in July so i'm going to be watching her and seeing what I can figure out especially if I can't get her to relax.
Thanks for the insight on the melatonin Jennie, I will for sure be looking at that too.
I'm sad for her. She sleeps with a night light, lovies, music until the CD is over, and a humidifier. Who's been through this with their kiddo's and what else can I do for her?
