Do you not have an email list of his classmates or an address list?

There is a boy in Joe's class who has already been suspended for a month earlier this year for punching and being generally disruptive. Although he hasn't had any run ins with Joe I'm still not keen on him being there. I think what I am going to do is just tell Joe he has to pick a set number of kids rather than invite everyone in class and use the address list. (I guess this doesn't help if you don't have one)

For the record the kid hasn't been to any of the other parties that have happened nor have his parents chosen to put their address/contact info on the class list, one of only 2 families out of the 20 in his class that didn't do it - I guess they knew right from the beginning they didn't want people to be able to come knocking on their door.

At Andrew's school they keep their backpacks hanging out side. Can you put an invite in each back pack for the kids that you do want to invite? Or do they have cubbies? That way you can put one in most cubbies in the morning and by the end of the day they will be full of papers and maybe that boy won't notice. Or you'll have to get to school early so you can catch the parents as they drop the kids off.

I don't see anything wrong with inviting just a few friends but I wouldn't invite everyone except one child. Not sure how you would do any inviting without a class list, though.

We're not allowed to send invitations to school. That's why we get a list with phone numbers and addresses at the beginning of the year.

Robin wrote:

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I don't see anything wrong with inviting just a few friends but I wouldn't invite everyone except one child. Not sure how you would do any inviting without a class list, though.

We're not allowed to send invitations to school. That's why we get a list with phone numbers and addresses at the beginning of the year.

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 ditto

if you do this, it may make things harder for Gavin at school if that kid finds out about it

 

you either invite all or just a small group of his closest friends. these kids are too young to have the ability to emotionally deal with this type of issue.

I would invite less people than the whole class. Im in the dont invite a kid if it will make your kids birthday miserable but Id make it that less than the whole class are invited.

With Ks last party there was a person limit and I said this is how man you can pick.

I haven't read all of the responses, but if you aren't inviting everyone in the class, invites should be mailed or evites to the specific kids that are included.

We aren't allowed to send invites to school unless there is one for everyone in the class, but all parents are given a class list with emails and addys. There have been several times throughout the year that a child has had a party and not all of the kids have been invited. Most of the time, the kids don't even have a clue-they don't seem to discuss it much at school. Anna has had the same thing-kids have parties at places where only a certain number of kids can be included, so evites are usually sent out. If one of mine is not included to a birthday party and gets sad about it, we talk about it and move on. Same thing when one of mine has a party for a friend and the other is not invited, which happens all.the.time. They deal with it and get over it-honestly it has not been a big deal. I don't make a big deal of it, and they don't either. So I personally don't see any issue with not including the entire class.

I would not invite a child to my kid's party if they specifically asked for that child NOT to be included.

That said, if he is the ONLY child being excluded, that is different. It is one thing to have some of the class invited and some not, it is another thing to exclude one child. I would likely give my child 2 choices and leave it up to them-have them pick a select few to invite from class (you pick the number) and mail those invites, or tell them the entire class needs to be invited, including the bully child.

Good luck!! That is a tough situation for sure.

Lucy wrote:

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CoffeeQueen wrote:

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Lucy wrote:

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Oh and also as an alternative you could also write out and put names on the invites and get Gavin to give them out in the playground before school starts. Joe got an invite from a boy he sits next to on the bus this way.

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 In my opinion this is awful to do. It is not allowed here at our school to even hand out invites.

This creates such hurt feelings. Kids start talking at school how they were invited to such and such party.

 

 

 

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 I guess it must depend on the kids personality.  Joe has not been invited to a few things and known about it in advance and yeah it bothered him for about 5 minutes then he just got on with his day.

 

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 Lucy, I think it depends too. Some kids are really sensitive to those things and others are not. And I do think sometimes adults can (unknowingly, even) make things worse. My BFF's daughter's birthday is right before another friend of theirs' daughter. Well, every year at the party, this child gets SO upset about how she isn't getting any presents and Caroline is getting everything. Honestly, it is ridiculous. But the parents totally feed into it, telling her that maybe Caroline will let her open a couple (um, wtf???) or that they will get her something special later or whatever. And this kid is turning 6. IDK-we are just so not like that. Not the same thing, I know, but just giving an example of how I think sometimes those things can be fueled, kwim?

my response was solely into leaving one kid out.

My other issue is not that I do not think kids need to learn dissapoitment. I believe they need to learn. I just do not think leaving one kid out is a good teaching moment. What are we teaching our kids to already pick and choose who they like/do not like?

Instead I think tolerance and understanding that not everyone gets along, but would you want your kid to be singled out like that? Just does not seem age appropriate to me. Plus, starts the whole mean kid thing so young. These kids have a lifetime ahead of them of social issues. At this age the parent should still be directing them through social issues.

So, like I said earlier. If it is not all, then just a few. Like do all boys or girls. That or pick 5 close friends, etc.

Also, working in a school now for 10 years. Kids do talk about the parties big time. Not so much 3/4 year olds, but starting 5 and up they do. There are always kids who still have no ideas of the social ladders, but you would be surprised how many do. Usually at this young age too it is all from home and seeing the examples we set for them. Like if there was a kid in allie's class that no one liked. I still teach her to try and reach out to them or be kind. However, this is just my view point. It is heavily influenced by seeing this whole party thing out in our preschool.It also breaks my heart to see a kid left out by their peers. I just always think to myself, wonder if it was my kid no one liked. I would hope us as parents would not perpetuate that type of behavior.