Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
MomSquawk -> Chit Chat -> Tim and hard choices...
Post Info TOPIC: Tim and hard choices...
muffy


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1694
Date: Apr 11, 2011
Tim and hard choices...
Permalink  
 

I alluded to our situation on fb, but can't go into too many details as I am friends with Tims national team coach. Here is the story: Well, last December he was recruited by a A class french team in Lyon - he would attend high school there and would train on their team. He visited there a week in February - in the end we decided no because it was too far (3 hours) away. I guess i should say here it is different than the US. the US you have HS, then NCAA then NBA, and the levels are not mixed. where in Europe you have a club team - they have youth levels playing, then at 19 you go professional - with the same team (unless you switch). so boys grow up and play their entire career with the same team, thus why these french teams are so hot to recruit Tim as they hope they will groom him then he will stay and play pro for them. Now, he was recruited by a second French team (the team he played against in the pic i posted) and they want him to play on their team and attend school there. this one is only 60 miles away, we could see him more often, so it makes the decision so much harder. this team is even better, they often win the french national championships. there are advantages to being the best player in a small country - he is travelling the world with the national team - Istanbul last summer, China in 2 weeks time, Macedonia this summer... but if he plays for this french team the size/speed/caliber of that team is higher so he would be more challenged. and they have a very competitive match schedule, so he would be very challenged, much more than in Lux. which would set him up for a better chance in the NCAA or even NBA down the road... so we need to decide - keep him here where he is the best but maybe doesnt get the very best training/chances, or send him to boarding school where he gets a better basketball experience yet we are not there to: chase him on his schoolwork, make sure he eats right and gets proper sleep, make sure he is not influenced by other kids to "make bad choices", monitor him if he gets a sprain or mild injury... so scary! and such a hard decision... and no, he could not come home on weekends, they would be practicing and playing matches... we could go visit, but can't disrupt too much the lives of the girls either... so I could see Bert and I dividing and conquering, which could strain us too... And I think another thing that is bothering me is that academics wise we need to constantly ride his ass. He is an average c student. He is certainly capable of much more, but does not care and always does the minimum. He only cares about bball, which would be a huge prob if he gets injured. Who will lookout for him in France? And I fear their focus is not academics, which would concern me. Plus, he is still such a baby boy... It's only basketball and home. He never ever socialises outside of normal school hours. He goes to school, trains into the evening, comes home. All weekend he plays matches, which Bert and/or I attend and hangs at home with us. Friday and sat nights - at home with mommy and daddy. He never even asks to meet friends. never! Plus, he wants me to cuddle him each night.... And I am just supposed to ship him off to boarding school? *sigh* Bert and I are going to take him out to dinner in the next few days and talk about all this. Ihni what we will do. We have a few months to figure it out. I would love any opinions!

__________________
CoffeeQueen


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 5514
Date: Apr 11, 2011
Permalink  
 

Gosh, that honestly is so hard. I am not sure what I would do if faced with this.

What does tim want?

__________________
muffy


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1694
Date: Apr 11, 2011
Permalink  
 

CoffeeQueen wrote:

Gosh, that honestly is so hard. I am not sure what I would do if faced with this.

What does tim want?


Haven't yet specifically asked in relation to this but in general he would say: 1. To play NCAA and NBA 2. To be the best and win. We need to consider how this opportunity helps him reach those goals. I also just organised with a recruiter who specializes with placing European boys in usa- NCAA - someone who knows both sides of the ocean.

__________________
apies


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 7897
Date: Apr 11, 2011
Permalink  
 

i've shared my feelings before about this, but i think that when it comes to sports, parents should do whatever they are able to support and nurture the kids' dreams, especially when there is significant talent involved.

i know it would be hard, but i think boarding school is the right choice in this situation. if he's already better than his competition in lux, how will he continue to improve?

you could always talk to him about sending him to the school and get his feelings about it. if he wants to go, you can tell him that it's contingent upon his grades. give him a GPA (or whatever) that he will need to meet each grading period in order for him to stay.

you are the parents, so i assume you could yank his butt out of there at any time if he were not meeting your academic requirements.

i know it's easy for me to say b/c i'm not in your shoes, but with his talent, i think you need to let him go for it. it could pay for college and who knows what else down the line.

__________________
Jo


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1358
Date: Apr 11, 2011
Permalink  
 

I agree with April. Of course, it really comes down to what Tim truly wants. If he's serious about a bball career, then I think the academics will come too because he'll be aware of how hard he needs to work at one to get the other.

Just be sure to be aware of all rules regarding going pro and NCAA eligibilty.



__________________
Jolynn
Lucy


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 244
Date: Apr 11, 2011
Permalink  
 

I agree with April about if he wants to go for it that it needs to be contingent on him maintaining his grades. 

But just to be devils advocate.  Do you think if you wanted to give him a year to mature (and for you to get your head around it), would these opportunities still be there then? 



__________________

Juanita


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 7138
Date: Apr 12, 2011
Permalink  
 

Megan,  I know this is a great opportunity for Tim and I honestly don't know what the best solution is, but from the tone of your post, I'm not sure you think this is best right now for him.

He's 15, and you're right, that's still such a baby, especially when it's YOUR baby.

Man!  What a decision!  I guess if I were in your shoes, I'd just pray about it and go with whatever my gut tells me.  I find that's my decision after I pray about something.



__________________
Dddiii


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1534
Date: Apr 12, 2011
Permalink  
 

I'm not even going to pretend to have any sort of advice to offer on this one.

Just sending hugs and support and hoping that right decision because obvious for you guys soon!

__________________

sappy


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 5126
Date: Apr 12, 2011
Permalink  
 

i also agree with april. if he loves basketball that much and he has an amazing talent for it, i think the best thing you can do as a parent is show him that you believe in him and let him do it.

just a thought but maybe start to separate a little now? somehow put a little more independance or self sufficiency in his life now so it's not such a HUGE shock when he goes away?



__________________
FoxyRoxy


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1577
Date: Apr 12, 2011
Permalink  
 

i know that the logic solution would be to send him to boarding school but what does your heart say?
Beside playing basketball what else does he wants to do?

__________________

FoxyRoxy


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1577
Date: Apr 12, 2011
Permalink  
 

i also think that he is taking advantage (in a good way) of beign YOUR baby. I think that at the end of the day he will study and do what he has to do. He knows that he can come home and mom and dad will always be there so i think that this is a great opportunity to prove that he can do it. I think you are not just preparing for basketball you are preparing him for life.

__________________

Alyssa


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 7314
Date: Apr 12, 2011
Permalink  
 

FoxyRoxy wrote:

i also think that he is taking advantage (in a good way) of beign YOUR baby. I think that at the end of the day he will study and do what he has to do. He knows that he can come home and mom and dad will always be there so i think that this is a great opportunity to prove that he can do it. I think you are not just preparing for basketball you are preparing him for life.

 

yes, I agree with this.

Such a hard decision Megan! I don't know what I would do. You and Bert really need to talk to Tim, set some rules for him if he is going to go, and follow through.

Is there a way for him to come home and visit? I know you said he'd have practice and matches on weekends but what if he needed a break. Is there a train that he could take home if he misses not just you guys but his home?



__________________
3s_a_crowd


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 3966
Date: Apr 12, 2011
Permalink  
 

I dont have any advice. But I hope you are able to all come to a decision you are comfortable with

__________________

Jo


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1358
Date: Apr 12, 2011
Permalink  
 

Thought about this a little more. Megan, from what you share about Tim he sounds like a really good kid with a good head on his shoulders. And he seems to be really driven by basketball and being successful at that.

I think I've shared this before and you so you probably already know, but I wanted to share again as it might relate a little bit. When I had just turned 14 I moved out of my parents' home and went to live with my brother 300+ miles away. I was very much in love with my parents, very close to them and my family/friends, had a great home life so it wasn't like I was trying to escape anything. I did it so that I would have better academic/athletic/life opportunities and be challenged in ways I wouldn't have been had I stayed in my home community. I went from small town to large city, lived with my brother and his then-girlfriend (now wife) and attended high school for 4 years. Sure I was still living with family but I didn't have my parents there on a daily basis, and so I knew what I needed to get done. I knew that I needed to be responsible for myself, that I couldn't mess around and ruin this opportunity. I was driven to succeed, and I did.

I know boarding school would be different, and I know every kid is different...just wanted to share that I think if Tim wants it, then he'll make it work. He'll be okay, he'll mature and learn to make the right decisions for himself (i.e., avoiding "bad" influences, etc), and he'll always have your guidance and support even from afar. Setting ground rules would be important and having constant communication. It's a hard decision, just wanted to give a little perspective.

__________________
Jolynn
Boots and Bananas


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 7029
Date: Apr 12, 2011
Permalink  
 

See I am on the opposite side.

Even though he is at the top in Lux, wouldn't he still be recruited by NCAA/NBA (I mean boarding schools are after him this hardcore). My feeling is that if he has the opportunity to get the same offers at home then that's where I would keep him. In a few short years he will be older and more mature and ready to go off into the world, I don't think, if it were me, that I could let him go now. Maybe that's selfish but it's my feelings.

__________________

~~~Allison
Branstock058b-1.jpg
a_mastermom


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 998
Date: Apr 12, 2011
Permalink  
 

I tend to agree with LL. He is still so young. And I can't imagine that waiting a year or two to push him into the "big time" can hurt. He sounds like he has an amazing career ahead of him and his talent is not going to just disappear if you hold off for a bit. He will still be practicing and playing with the tops in Lux. From your post, it seems like you are both not quite ready to go there just yet.

__________________

Alicia
sbucking


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 662
Date: Apr 13, 2011
Permalink  
 

Wow, this is such a hard decision. As a Mom, it would be so hard to let my 15 year old go off without me.

What are his NCAA chances? Doesn't he attend camps in the US? Hasn't he gotten attention?

He does have gift and I support developing his talent, but your academic concerns are valid. God forbid, but injuries do happen...

Hopefully talking this over with Tim and seeing what he really wants will help make everything clear.

__________________
supergrover


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 4910
Date: Apr 13, 2011
Permalink  
 

I'm going to go with LL on this one as well.

I work with 18 year olds who aren't ready to live away from mom and dad.

I think you all do SO MUCH to make sure you nurture his talent (sending him to US camp, etc).  I don't think you are depriving him, especially when in 3 short years I am sure you will be sending him across the ocean for college ball.

I think there is something to be said for being a big fish in a small pond as long as possible.

My opinions have evolved since i first read this thread.  My first hunch was, send him!  Embrace the chance.  I just think he is still at such an impressionable age.  I would hold on to these three short years.



__________________





Juni


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 3530
Date: Apr 13, 2011
Permalink  
 

I'm also in the camp of him being on the young side. But it's hard to say because that whole concept is so foreign to me since my kids are still so little and I've never personally dealt with that type of situation. I'm inclined to think that if it were me, I wouldn't send him. With his skills and from what it seems, I can't see that the interest won't still be there in a few years and I'd be more likely to keep him at home for that time especially because you still have to ride him so hard for him to have a C average.

__________________
apies


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 7897
Date: Apr 13, 2011
Permalink  
 

i feel the need to chime in again.

will the same opportunities be available in 2-3 years? sure. but will he lose 2-3 years of development time? YES!

yes, being a big fish in a small pond is great (as a pp said - idr who), but is it pushing him to his full potential? Probably not.

i think my opinion is based on how competitive i am and coming from my experiences as an athlete in hs and college. the kids who played college ball took every opportunity to improve - AAU basketball during the summer, club soccer teams, indoor soccer teams.

are these scenarios for everyone? no. but for someone who wants to push the bar and become his best, the opportunities that come his way will shape him for years.

__________________
1 2  >  Last»  | Page of 2  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
MomSquawk -> Chit Chat -> Tim and hard choices...
Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard