my son's MeMe (ex's mom) invited him to spend the night, then asked me if it was okay. She worded it to me that, "Gavin wants to spend the night again, but I told him it was up to you" when I asked him if he asked to stay or if meme asked, he told me his MeMe asked him if he wanted to stay... Am I over reacting if I say no more MeMe's on my time? His dad never takes him to visit here so I want the bond there but if Gavin is visiting there his dad doesn't show up for his visit?? I felt bad but now I feel I am being manipluated... ??
I think it depends. I don't know what your relationship is with your ex mil or your custody agreement. I know that my ds used to spend nights at my ex mil's house, and sometimes it was on my time, but I had a rather complicated situation. I think if you don't have a problem with her and your ds likes going then it is fine. On the other hand if your ds doesn't like it and she does some things with him that you feel are harmful physically or emotionally, then that is another story.
I say if you want the bond between them, and your ex is not fostering that, then it looks like it will have to be during your time. Not sure of your custody arrangements and how much time you have vs. ex. Anyway you can talk to your ex and see if he can start taking your son to see his meme? I think if you say to a child you cannot spend time with meme because it is your time that a kid will not get that and think you are the one stopping it. So, not a win/win for you, but looks like it is what is for now.
I think that NO ONE should ever ask the child if they want to stay the night without checking with the parent first. I also think that it should be up to your ex to spend time with the kids and his mom together. I may be being petty, but if you guys are sharing the kids, the families have to share too. It should be up to you if you want to give up your kids on your time. Asking your son first was manipulative. But that's just my opinion.
Thanks for the advice ladies, I am not happy with the situation, but the only one that gets hurt is my son regardless of the decision. If I say no spending night with MeMe he doesn't get to see her, dad for some reason refuses.... If I let him go visit, I risk the manipulation, but they are a wonderful family. Our situation is very laid back, my son cries becuase he doesn't get to see his MeMe. I am damned if I do and damned if I don;t. I do have him much more than his dad does, so I don't mind it. But I was greatly offended that she had put it out there without having my okay.
This was so helpful. Thanks all for helping me with this situation. I am so thrilled to have a spot to get feedback especially from many different personalities!!
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Nicole Herritt
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