The person you confide in, cry with, hang out with, etc. Are they the same person? Do you have just one or many?
Was just thinking about this today. I don't really have anybody, other than my husband. I've always been a pretty private person, and from an early age I fell in to the role of "hero" in my family so I learned to hold it all together and put on the happy face. I tend to still be this way, I don't know how to really open up to people (in person, at least). I always give others the impression that everything is okay, that nothing is wrong. I can probably count on one hand the number of people who have seen me cry.
I wish I had a person. I mean I love my husband, but there are times when I need to vent about him, too. lol
My person is my sister in law. We've been friends since we were super young and now we are family. She would be the person I hang out with but she lives out of state now. But she is the one I confide in and cry to, etc. But, I'm like you too in that most of it is my husband. I don't have a lot of friends. I have work friends and church friends but they typically are just that - friends at work and friends at church. I used to be really close to my BFF/SIL's older sister who does live here but we had a falling out. We are "friends" but the damage was done and we've never really connected back to hanging out and talking on a regular basis. Makes me sad.
I feel fortunate because I have a couple of people. My BFF from college ended up marrying Bill's long term BFF, and I can alwys go to her about anything. We have had our issues, but we love each other and understand each other.
I also have my brother's wife. She is a little nuts sometimes, lol, but she is always there for me and vice versa. We especially can vent about family issues together.
Also, I am extremely close with my one SIL on Bill's side. We have been friends forever, it seems. She and Matt were high school sweethearts, and we are like minded about a lot of things. She is particularly good for the spousal issues becauses she is married to one, lol. All the boys have some similar quirks.
Finally, my mom. I try to keep her out of stuff with me and Bill, but we can talk about anything.
Of course, I am kind of an open book person, but most people who see me only in passing would never know anything was wrong if it were. People were shocked when I was hospitalized last year because no one had an inkling outside of my tight circle that things were that bad.
My first call though is usually to either my mom or Matt's wife, Jaime. (And of course, Bill and I talk about everything too. Sometimes including how irritated I am with him, lol!)
I don't have anyone to hang out with here; the vast majority of my friends are in a certain area of NC (Charlotte and surrounding areas there) and I can't seem to find the time/oomph to make that different.
To be fair, I don't make friends easily anyway for the most part; those people are all folks I went to college with. The others are all pretty much from either before that (and we're not that close) or you guys.
My two go-to people (other than DH) are my BFF from college, who lives in GA, and another friend who's actually the sib of a college friend...they both listen and have their amazing qualities but they're not similar people. Kinda neat how that works out. But they tend to be about the *only* people who ever know if something's wrong. I just would rather be there for someone else/it's not my nature to spill about things unless someone catches me off-guard in an overwhelmed moment.
My mom. Bertrand. And my bff Betsy.
Funny, I dont have a friend confidante here in lux. I don't have a girlfriend group. I do have some nice friends, I would call them close acquaintances though.
4 kids and a job, never had the time to foster true friendships. Me time is always my lowest priority.
I feel so blessed. I have quite a few very close friends that I can call up and blather on to when i need it.
Some are from elementary school, some from high school, some from college and some from work/life in general. I'm a bit of a friend collector I think. I was one of those people in high school/college who spanned groups. I was friends with lots of people from different areas.
I will say, that when we lived in Boston, I felt like I had a huge gap in my life because I didn't have this locally. It was really hard. I was very close with my co-workers but were spread all over the US and while we were super close, I couldn't call them up and say "lets go out to eat and chat". It was probably the first time in my life I didn't have a ton of close girlfriends nearby.
That did contribute greatly to our move back home. I'd say my quality of life was definitely impacted by not having my own set of friends close.
Anyway, the other thing I'd say is that I often wish we lived closer together. I know that I'd love to have you nearby, Jolynn.
my person is my sister. we tell each other everything. we talk about everything. we call when things are good and when things are bad.
other than my sister, it's dan. i'm not good at all at making friends so the only friends i have are people i've known my whole life (children of my parent's friends, people i went to grade school with) .. i'm just too introverted and shy to make friends as an adult.
my friendship tendency is to have a small number of friends, but they are VERY close to me.
my bff is jammi. i talk to her about EVERYTHING and she is always there for me. i don't hesitate to open up to her about anything and everything and i cannot imagine getting through the past year without her. the absolute best thing about her is that all she wants is for me to be happy and she couldn't care less what decisions that happiness involves. she doesn't often give her opinion on what she thinks i should do or how i should handle a situation - she just wants me to be happy so she guides me that way.
i'm also super close to my youngest sister. i can talk to her about anything too. i miss her since she lives so far away now. :(
my other 2 confidants are my mom and my good friend deborah. both of them are in their 60s and very opinionated so i'm careful about what i share with them. i know that i'm going to get judgement back from them so i don't always share everything with either of them, but i know they are both there for me.
hang in there, jo. i'm not good at making friends (like mel said), but i've found it a little easier to be friendly with people through emily's school. have you had that with the boys' school?
-- Edited by apies on Sunday 27th of March 2011 09:10:07 AM
I'm the same way as you, Jolynn. I don't really have anyone to vent to and I don't hang out with anyone except my husband. I would really love to have someone for both but I don't know how to open up to people. I've always kept pretty much everything to myself. Those few times I've shared things with someone I get ridiculed or sensure so I've learned not to say anything. The only person who I can share almost anything with is my step-mom, but she lives so far away and we can only talk so infrequently, it doesn't help much. I don't go to her when I'm troubled, though. I keep the deepest hurts to myself.
On the other hand, people come to me to vent/cry. I used to be confused about it because I get people I barely know coming to me. Then I had someone tell me they come to me because I don't criticize or anything. I just accept, understand, and support the person.
Stacy and I have been friends for 36 years!!! Can you believe that? She knows pretty much everything there is to know about me and loves me anyway
The other is my friend Carmon. We became really, really close when Presley got sick. She was in the ER that day and we were friends before, but that really bonded us
My BFF Val. :) We've been friends since the 7th grade. She's lost a parent and was there for me when my dad passed. I hear from her a couple times a week and we vent and vent and vent about whatever. I'm her safe person. And she's mine. She lives in GA so we don't get to hang out though we keep trying but scheduling conflicts and $$ (lack there of)...
Hey Jolynn, having a "person" isn't necessary, but when you have a person the world seems alittle easier to face. I hadn't had a person until about 3 years ago. I have life long friends, but no one I would let my fears go and allow them to listen, until I met Sara.... After that my empty cries were filled with a friend that lent me her ears. It takes a unique person! If you don't have one, it's because you haven't met them or maybe you haven't acknowledged them.
Sounds to me like maybe you have that person somewhere in your life you just haven't trusted yourself or them just yet. :)
I was 27 when I met the love of my life, 28 when my 1st person came into my ~ I hired her at my last job she was my assistant and her and I together groomed her to be promotted twice with that company, finally I didn't realize it but my other person, the person I talk to every day I met prolly when I was 12... It took a while for her and I to bond.
PS... A man can't be a woman's "person".... LOL nothing like being with the girls!!!
I find it so hard to talk with people who give me the "ways to fix my problems". I have to be careful what I say to those types. The ones who can just listen... They are the ones you want to form your relationships with.
Friends with no judgements are the only friends to have....
If you ever have sorrow to handle, writing is an excellent outlet. Holding things in our bodies is so unhealthy, especially if it carries stress. At least when you are writing you can make believe you are sending it to a loved one up above. I went through an aweful time where I couldn't talk to anyone and just wrote to someone I missed dearly. All the stress was gone, like a huge weight was lifted....
sorry to nose into your business. I just hope that if you are holding saddness inside you have an outlet for it.
Nicole, I think of those things every time I feel I can't share something. I'm a praying type of person so I use that as my outlet most of the time. Still, it would be nice to have a human there to listen. Writing has never been fast enough for me to get all my thoughts out. I only feel frustrated when I'm done, which, of course, doesn't help things.
And I don't mind the nosing. It's rare when people nose into my business and even rarer when they seem to actually care when they do it like you seem to.
Well Alaina, I used to be a lot like you. Then I realized that it was okay to be me and let a person here and there in. It is most difficult to gain a real friend when your a SAHM. Not many new people to meet and learn to love. I found my dearest friends through work. I will never let them out of my life now. If ya ever need to chat I would be more than happy to listen. :) Being a friend is almost as rewarding as being a mom. :)
In fact this is why I joined MomSqwak... There's always room for more friendships.
We have moved so much during the last 11 years that my close friendships are not what the used to be anymore. Good friendships don't happen overnight and I just feel that I have not lived anywhere long enough to let those kinds of friendships develop...
So right now it's my husband and my sister who lives very very far away. And I don't discuss everything with my sister either so that leaves me with DH. I do have a few good friends here though but again, I would not discuss everything with them... I used to have a very good friend, we always worked together but she got another job and she is a single mom so (understandably) she hardly ever has any time to talk anymore.
