Oral sex and middle school--

Robin · Guru

Oral sex and middle school--

apies · Guru

robin, from teaching high school, i can tell you that a lot of those stories are true, even if slightly exaggerated.

a few years at the middle school next to where i worked, an 8th grade girl was CAUGHT BY PARK SECURITY giving oral sex to a LINE of 8th grade boys on their field trip to six flags.

disgusting.

CoffeeQueen · Guru

lol, well to be honest this can happen anywhere. Private school is not a safe zone so to speak. I can say that it all depends on the area and the parent involvement. However, it happens and honestly you cannot prevent it in a sense. You can be home, be aware, be involved, but cannot stop it.

I can say that when I was in MS, kids were starting to be sexually active, petting, BJ, etc.

I can say here in our private school we do not have these issues during school and we do not bus children. However, not to say it is not happening at homes, dances elsewhere, etc. our kids tend to go in waves of maturity level in M.S. We have had more advanced group of kids and more hormonal, but we have such a small school that it would be pretty hard to disappear for long without someone noticing. I mean I guess something could happen in a bathroom, but I have not heard of it. I know the public schools here are very good, but they have larger numbers of kids and there is more teen issues, but that is honestly due to #'s.

I mean they can learn the same stuff on the bus as they can on a playground, friends house, etc. You cannot protect what they learn from friends.

The only thing you can do is educate them, instill morals in them and PRAY like hell it all works,lol.

Cuppycake · Guru

I will tell you that it is rampant here. I have many nieces and nephews that age, or just recently getting out of that age - some more vocal about things going on than others.

Here, private schools are not much different, with few exceptions. Some private schools in the area require the parents and children to sign moral code papers - and violating those could cause removal of school... those places have a much lower incident than at public school were you are looking at a 3 day suspension (coughandalifetimeofridiculecough.) However the private schools that don't have things like that in place, are not any different, and in some cases worse.

Anyways, it terrifies me to have a child that hasn't went through their teenage years yet. It's getting so much worse. When I was in hs, you did NOT have oral sex. It was taboo and gross, and it wasn't talked about. Now it's like a badge of honor to some of the kids I know. It doesn't qualify as sex to them.

supergrover · Guru

I believe every word of it. Everything I hear from my students is that Oral Sex isn't considered sex and is everywhere. (For that matter, some don't consider anal sex as sex either because you can't get preggers. A whole 'nother thread).

Travis worked with kids who absolutely took advantage of other kids in school settings. He also taught students who got $$ for it. Middle-high school aged.

So, might a student exagerate? Maybe. Is it based in a whole lot of truths? I'd bet anything.

A far cry from the middle school years I attended.

Ooohhh....and sexting and sending nekkid pics? Again, rampant.

Can they stay 5 forever? Please?

supergrover · Guru

I missed the public-private school part. I don't think it matters. I agree with others. Teach right from wrong, have tough and honest conversations WAY before you think you would need to and pray hard.

Lucy · Senior Member

Robin, I've recently been hearing stories about the middle school that Joe will be going to. I'm not saying that I'm not worried about this sort of thing but I am a big believer that a kids home life is more influential on whether a kid would get involved in that kind of thing. Probably naive of me but I am totally relying on the way that we are bringing Joe (and Bel) up to make sure that they would make good choices in these areas.

kris · Guru

apies wrote:

robin, from teaching high school, i can tell you that a lot of those stories are true, even if slightly exaggerated.

a few years at the middle school next to where i worked, an 8th grade girl was CAUGHT BY PARK SECURITY giving oral sex to a LINE of 8th grade boys on their field trip to six flags.

disgusting.

this makes me want to cry. literally. that poor girl - where are the people in her life that are supposed to be teaching her and instilling self respect and worth in her? For heaven's sake this is horrible.

kris · Guru

supergrover wrote:

I believe every word of it. Everything I hear from my students is that Oral Sex isn't considered sex and is everywhere. (For that matter, some don't consider anal sex as sex either because you can't get preggers. A whole 'nother thread).

Travis worked with kids who absolutely took advantage of other kids in school settings. He also taught students who got $$ for it. Middle-high school aged.

So, might a student exagerate? Maybe. Is it based in a whole lot of truths? I'd bet anything.

A far cry from the middle school years I attended.

Ooohhh....and sexting and sending nekkid pics? Again, rampant.

Can they stay 5 forever? Please?

As the mother of a Freshman in high school - I can vouch for this 100%.

Go to myyearbook (dot) com

look at the pictures some of those girls have posted of themselves. I'm not sure if they are really pictures of girls (b/c I cannot imagine a mother letting their 12-15 year old daughter post such provacative photos) or if they are child molesters posing as young girls and deliberately posting such trashy photos to get young boys attention to chat with them.

Scary times for those of us with teens for sure.

Corey · Guru

no advice, but i'd believe it.

a town away from me was all over the news a few years back b/c it was rampant on the school bus.

beckhamgirls · Senior Member

Robin wrote:

I cannot decide what to believe on this topic so I thought I'd post here for some feedback. In years past, a friend of mine told me that oral sex was rampant at the middle school that her son would be attending. She said it was happening in the boys' bathrooms--with boys only. She never mentioned anything about girls. She switched her children to private school for that year instead of sending him there.

Today, that same friend was telling someone else to NEVER let her children ride the bus because of what they could learn on the bus. She said that at a different middle school (one not far from my house but not the one my kids will attend), a student gave another student oral sex on the bus (while en route to a field trip). Oh, a SIXTH grade field trip.

I asked her how she knew this information, and she said that her friend heard it from another friend whose child went to that school.

Here's my issue--how do I know just how much of this information is true? Kids make up stuff all the time. But if it is true, how far do I go to protect Henry from it? I've pondered private school but I just don't know if we could afford it. And if these stories are just hearsay or kids' big talk, then it doesn't matter. How much of this information would you believe? Those of you who have middle schoolers or work in middle schools, what do you think?

How do you protect your children from this stuff? Private schools? Is it impossible to believe that kids at private schools would act the same as public school children? I know there's a big trend toward homeschooling these days. I don't want to homeschool. And I'd definitely have to get a job if we chose private school. But like I said, who's to say that would make a difference?

Need thoughts/feedback/opinions.

I have not read the other responses yet, but I had to go ahead and respond that I think it's humorous that she thinks these things don't go on in private schools! That stuff does happen, and it happens at all types of schools.

I

3s_a_crowd · Guru

i think it does happen at all schools, though I think less so at church private schools more than any since there it is probably more taboo.

Im glad K goes to our church school for this reason. Im sure some things do go on, but no one would ever talk about it because even talking like that can get you kicked out etc.

I hope K is the nieve child she is now forever.

happylib · Guru

I think it is entirely possible. I have had a teen in both public and private schools. The biggest difference is that in the public school, those things seem to happen more actually in the school. On the other hand, they can and do happen in the private school, but much of it happens after school hours. There is a private school whose students were attending sex parties at parents that were not home. I know my ds saw things that were pretty appalling in middle school/high school beyond that, but thankfully he managed to not get sucked in. I know he watched a kid in ms shoot up with heroine in the back of the class. I also know that I had fourth and fifth graders being groomed and even starting the initiation into gangs. I agree with others that the best preventative is to instill your children with the values you want, be involved, and pray. My ds made it through and is doing well, which is by far the majority of kids.

FoxyRoxy · Guru

it does happens and i think that more that we know. my son is in 8th grade and i'm friends with many of his friends in facebook. the pictures that this girls put there...

and the status and conversations will shock you. they just let the whole world know that they are sexually active.

i think that it has a lot to do with values and parent's involvement. Usually at this age parents just let go because "they are getting older" and i think that this is the time that parents need to stick around A LOT.

mctex · Guru

I agree with everyone else that it can happen anywhere.

Other than that, I have no thoughts... but I most definitely share your concern.

I really feel for those raising kids this age right now because the whole social media thing is completely uncharted waters... I'm hoping by the time our 5 yos get to that age, there will be better tools and, more importantly, wisdom as to how parents are supposed to combat this stuff.

Alicia · Senior Member

I believe this is happening more with kids this age in general. Unless you are with your child 24/7 you have to trust them and hope they act the way you want them to. I have a problem with oral sex for teens(or preteens). To me it is more intimate then sex and since it is usually the boy getting it I have a problem with girls letting themselves be used.

CoffeeQueen · Guru

you cannot ever know what will happen when your kids step out the door. However, working in a MS for over 10 years there are a few things I know I learned and will use regards to media, etc.

I will have a time in my house where cell phones, iPhones etc, will be turned over. My kids will not be allowed to keep them in their room at night. Most and I know it happens during day, but most poor facebook and texting takes place in evening. I am shocked that most kids are up texting at 10 pm + and there is no way they need media after 9pm in their room, IMO. If they need to still do homework ona compter late at night it will be in a centeral location.

Raising teens/ preteens is so hard now. I think that stayin in touch with your kids friends/ parents is huge. Harder to pull off crap with the moms talking.

Robin · Guru

CoffeeQueen wrote:

lol, well to be honest this can happen anywhere. Private school is not a safe zone so to speak. I can say that it all depends on the area and the parent involvement. However, it happens and honestly you cannot prevent it in a sense. You can be home, be aware, be involved, but cannot stop it.

I can say that when I was in MS, kids were starting to be sexually active, petting, BJ, etc.

I can say here in our private school we do not have these issues during school and we do not bus children. However, not to say it is not happening at homes, dances elsewhere, etc. our kids tend to go in waves of maturity level in M.S. We have had more advanced group of kids and more hormonal, but we have such a small school that it would be pretty hard to disappear for long without someone noticing. I mean I guess something could happen in a bathroom, but I have not heard of it. I know the public schools here are very good, but they have larger numbers of kids and there is more teen issues, but that is honestly due to #'s.

I mean they can learn the same stuff on the bus as they can on a playground, friends house, etc. You cannot protect what they learn from friends.

The only thing you can do is educate them, instill morals in them and PRAY like hell it all works,lol.

I've thought about it more, and I guess it's not that much different than sending my kids to elementary school. I've prayed Henry right through that and trusted God that he'd be safe.

If I have faith now, why shouldn't I continue to have faith?

I really, really, really don't want him to grow up and start knowing about sex and all that stuff but I suppose I can't stop that from happening. Guess it's better if he learns his information from Glen and me.

Robin · Guru

Corey wrote:

no advice, but i'd believe it.

a town away from me was all over the news a few years back b/c it was rampant on the school bus.

What was done to try to stop it from happening? Anything?

(Sorry if this was already discussed. I'm skimming back through.)

Robin · Guru

FoxyRoxy wrote:

it does happens and i think that more that we know. my son is in 8th grade and i'm friends with many of his friends in facebook. the pictures that this girls put there...

and the status and conversations will shock you. they just let the whole world know that they are sexually active.

i think that it has a lot to do with values and parent's involvement. Usually at this age parents just let go because "they are getting older" and i think that this is the time that parents need to stick around A LOT.

I definitely agree with you there.