Raymond does it. He only eats like 5 differnt meal foods (waffle, pizza, pb and J, yogurt and nuggets) When he does it our nutritionist says just to move on and offer food at the next designated food time. Hell eat when hes hungry. Im sure its frustrating. I dont know if at three Id do someithing about asking and then refusing. Maybe taking a thing out of the jar (is that you or supa that does the jars)
Very very normal for 3. Typically they will eat when they are hungry just keep track that he is eating something. You can try offering faves to make sure he eats or just go with it if you don't want to become a restaurant. (I used to make different things for 3 different kids :shoothead)
Kate is not a good eater at all. She won't flat out refuse to eat because we don't allow her to leave the table without eating something, but she has these control things with the eating as well.
It used to be far worse. Then I decided I was not going to let this small child get to me. She needs to feel like she is in control of things-when she doesn't, she pushes back and pushes hard. And getting me all wound up about it was something that fueled her big time. I just worked really hard to ignore her and very calmly tell her she needed to try everything. And I let go of feeling like she had to eat. If she only ate a bite of everything, so be it-at least she tried everything.
And especially if she requested something and then changed her mind (very common for a while)-that used to get me so pissed. I had to work to say very calmly, "Kate, you asked to have _____, and if you changed your mind and don't want it, that is fine, but you can not have anything else."
She got used to having to try everything so we moved on to making her take 3 bites of everything, since she's 3. And now we have moved on to telling her we are not bargaining with her, and we'll let her know when she has eaten enough. The plan is to start family style meals and they have to eat whatever they take. Bill wants to make them take a reasonable amount, but I said that defeats the purpose. I say that in the beginning, if they take one pea, so be it-the only rules are they have to take some of everything, and they have to eat what they take. EagainTA-I think if this goes well, eventually we will insist they take a reasonable amount of things, especially veggies, but I think to start, if we force them into taking a lot, it really isn't giving them a choice at all, kwim?
Ok, this is very long winded. We are constantly trying new things with Kate because she is a bad eater, and SO SLOW. She is at the dinner table every night for an hour-seriously. Some nights it has been longer. We have to put time limits on her now, and consequences if she sits there too long and doesn't at least eat her veggies. The biggest thing is that the control needs to be put in her hands, or she needs to feel like it is. And we have to stay calm or she digs her heels in.
Good luck!! It is not fun dealing with eating struggles.
ETA-Kate has control issues over lots of things, but eating is one of the few that she truly does have control-we really can't force feed her-she has to make the choice; eat or suffer the consequences.
-- Edited by Supafly on Friday 23rd of July 2010 12:56:41 PM
-- Edited by Supafly on Friday 23rd of July 2010 01:00:00 PM
OMG, picky eaters are the worst. I can't remember when Gavin started but it was closer to 2 I think. It's so annoying. He still does it. He doesn't want dinner and will ask for something else and then refuse to eat EXACTLY what he asked for.
I don't do that anymore. He gets what we get and he eats. If he doesn't eat, he doesn't get something different. My advice is to not let him see you get frustrated about it. If he doesn't eat, then he will be hungry. Natural consequences. It's totally irritating.
Oh, another thing we had to start doing is sending Kate to time out everytime she speaks with food in her mouth. So she sits in time out a lot, lol. I know it seems harsh, but we don't get mad at her or anything, and she doesn't even get upset about it. But she will take a bite of food (like broccoli or something), hold it in her mouth and just chat with Anna for literally 20 minutes. Frankly, the idea of broccoli being in my mouth for that long makes me want to vomit, but she does it regularly, and it was becoming a real problem. We remind her to chew and not talk, but she forgets, so time out is a solid reminder-and Anna knows not to talk to Kate while she is there. I hate it, but it helps. Actually, I hate mealtimes altogether because Kate is constantly bargaining and all, but that is beside the point...
I'm with Juni-Kate never gets special meals. I take requests at breakfast (from a few choices), and sometimes at lunch (again from a few choices), but never dinner. It's like Pinkalicious in this house, "You get what you get and you don't get upset." :) They will eat or not.
April it sounds like you have a good start, but thought I would also let you in on what we have had to do, and like Supa, we expanded on it over time. Elizabeth would rather play than eat. So like you said, is she didn't eat a meal, she didn't get snacks. But the other rule we made was that she had to sit while we ate our meals for a good part of the meal. We found when we told her she didn't have to eat, but still had to sit there for a bit, she eventually would start eating.
April it sounds like you have a good start, but thought I would also let you in on what we have had to do, and like Supa, we expanded on it over time. Elizabeth would rather play than eat. So like you said, is she didn't eat a meal, she didn't get snacks. But the other rule we made was that she had to sit while we ate our meals for a good part of the meal. We found when we told her she didn't have to eat, but still had to sit there for a bit, she eventually would start eating.
hmm. that's a good point! i will definitely try this.
supa, i swear that your post about kate sounds JUST like jake. the control issues, the holding food in his mouth, bargaining, ACK!
it's not even that he's "picky" per se - he just wants to be the boss i think.
i think i'm just going to start ignoring his choice to not eat. if he doesn't want it, fine. get down. nothing until the next meal time.
i think i'm also going to start telling him that he doesn't get snack in the afternoon if he doesn't eat his lunch.
thanks for helping me see that it's not just us!!
TOTALLY. Kate definitely wants and needs to be boss (about this and soooooo many other things, lol). She really isn't that picky an eater.
We don't have as many issues with breakfast and lunch (well, hardly every lunch), but we are the same with snacks-no snacks or she can finish her breakfast for a snack if she wants. And many times she does-it's like as long as she can do it on her terms, kwim?
Oh, and we do the same as Libby as well-both girls have to sit with us while everyone eats. This is not an issue for Kate, lmao, she is still there when everyone else is done. But Anna shovels her food in so fast, she is done and ready to move on, and we make her sit with us until Bill and I are done. I swear I don't think Anna even has time to chew...
supa, i swear that your post about kate sounds JUST like jake. the control issues, the holding food in his mouth, bargaining, ACK!
it's not even that he's "picky" per se - he just wants to be the boss i think.
i think i'm just going to start ignoring his choice to not eat. if he doesn't want it, fine. get down. nothing until the next meal time.
i think i'm also going to start telling him that he doesn't get snack in the afternoon if he doesn't eat his lunch.
thanks for helping me see that it's not just us!!
TOTALLY. Kate definitely wants and needs to be boss (about this and soooooo many other things, lol). She really isn't that picky an eater.
We don't have as many issues with breakfast and lunch (well, hardly every lunch), but we are the same with snacks-no snacks or she can finish her breakfast for a snack if she wants. And many times she does-it's like as long as she can do it on her terms, kwim?
Oh, and we do the same as Libby as well-both girls have to sit with us while everyone eats. This is not an issue for Kate, lmao, she is still there when everyone else is done. But Anna shovels her food in so fast, she is done and ready to move on, and we make her sit with us until Bill and I are done. I swear I don't think Anna even has time to chew...
supa, this is also just like us! emily barely chews her food and it takes jake an HOUR to eat sometimes!!! it infuriates matt! LOL
supa, i swear that your post about kate sounds JUST like jake. the control issues, the holding food in his mouth, bargaining, ACK!
it's not even that he's "picky" per se - he just wants to be the boss i think.
i think i'm just going to start ignoring his choice to not eat. if he doesn't want it, fine. get down. nothing until the next meal time.
i think i'm also going to start telling him that he doesn't get snack in the afternoon if he doesn't eat his lunch.
thanks for helping me see that it's not just us!!
TOTALLY. Kate definitely wants and needs to be boss (about this and soooooo many other things, lol). She really isn't that picky an eater.
We don't have as many issues with breakfast and lunch (well, hardly every lunch), but we are the same with snacks-no snacks or she can finish her breakfast for a snack if she wants. And many times she does-it's like as long as she can do it on her terms, kwim?
Oh, and we do the same as Libby as well-both girls have to sit with us while everyone eats. This is not an issue for Kate, lmao, she is still there when everyone else is done. But Anna shovels her food in so fast, she is done and ready to move on, and we make her sit with us until Bill and I are done. I swear I don't think Anna even has time to chew...
supa, this is also just like us! emily barely chews her food and it takes jake an HOUR to eat sometimes!!! it infuriates matt! LOL
so funny!
lmao!!! Honestly, it doesn't surprise me-we both have the easygoing first child and the stubborn second. And Bill gets completely infuriated with it too!! How funny...
But Owen has always been this way. Though I will say he will usually just tell me he is not going to eat and not make me get/make whatever.
In his 5 years I have realized it is just the type of eater he is and have just learned to not let it bother me. He will eat usually one good meal a day and the rest of the meals will be worthless!
This morning I think he had two bites of cinnanmon toast crunch, then at lunch had an entire pb&j, some spaghetti o's and two servings of mandarian oranges, which means tonight for dinner he will eat absolutely nothing since he chowed at lunch. It just is how he is.
And I know Jake and Owen are so similar so if Jake sees that it is getting to you he will keep it up because they like to battle in ways like that. For some reason their little minds get satisfaction knowing they are irritating us.
And for me it is not a picky eater thing because I really do not consider Owen picky though he is far more picky than Bryce and Keegan, it is just he is more of a one meal a day kid.
This is Lance too. And it makes me see red some days, but I'm learning to just sit on that and say "You don't want to eat? Fine, but no snacks either."
If he skips lunch, that is his choice, but he gets nothing else until supper, no matter how much he melts down over it in the afternoon.
We ask the kids to take two bites of any new food and if they genuinely don't like it, that's fine. And in that case I wouldn't be opposed to making something else. But generally, if they refuse what we have for supper (I take requests from an either/or choice at breakfast and lunch), they just have to sit there and wait quietly until everyone is done before they can go play.
Lance used to hold food in his mouth too, and it was a real problem that used to make someone else here flip his lid regularly. But even with that, omg, this kid is STUBBORN!
I look forward to the days of pleasant-ish meals around here. Someday! (Right?? lol)
Tristen to a huge extent, and sometimes even Koda.
Breakfast I just make what they like, so no issue there.
Lunch and Supper can be a battle, but we've stopped giving snacks if they don't eat. We don't throw away supper in particular. When they ask for a snack, we pull it right out. Koda will usually then eat his supper, but Tristen will just go to bed. Like Sarah, he really can eat one big meal a day and be content. It isn't a battle we usually choose.
We need to work at staying at the table.
-- Edited by supergrover on Friday 23rd of July 2010 02:23:18 PM
Raymond does it. He only eats like 5 differnt meal foods (waffle, pizza, pb and J, yogurt and nuggets) When he does it our nutritionist says just to move on and offer food at the next designated food time. Hell eat when hes hungry. Im sure its frustrating. I dont know if at three Id do someithing about asking and then refusing. Maybe taking a thing out of the jar (is that you or supa that does the jars)
this is mikey - except he won't eat meat and he's lactose intolerant.
does your nutritionist recommend giving him something from his accepted food list or just what you're serving and if he eats then great and if not he just us hungry?
i'm trying to figure out what to do with mikey and i'd love to hear what other pros say.
But Owen has always been this way. Though I will say he will usually just tell me he is not going to eat and not make me get/make whatever.
In his 5 years I have realized it is just the type of eater he is and have just learned to not let it bother me. He will eat usually one good meal a day and the rest of the meals will be worthless!
This morning I think he had two bites of cinnanmon toast crunch, then at lunch had an entire pb&j, some spaghetti o's and two servings of mandarian oranges, which means tonight for dinner he will eat absolutely nothing since he chowed at lunch. It just is how he is.
And I know Jake and Owen are so similar so if Jake sees that it is getting to you he will keep it up because they like to battle in ways like that. For some reason their little minds get satisfaction knowing they are irritating us.
And for me it is not a picky eater thing because I really do not consider Owen picky though he is far more picky than Bryce and Keegan, it is just he is more of a one meal a day kid.
This is exactly like Rhys.
Kiera would rather drink milk, juice, water, whatver, then she is full and wont eat. then she gets hungry later. Im constantly withholding drinks from her. She is going to be a killer chug team member for the Rice University Beer Bike team. Im already a proud mama.
But Owen has always been this way. Though I will say he will usually just tell me he is not going to eat and not make me get/make whatever.
In his 5 years I have realized it is just the type of eater he is and have just learned to not let it bother me. He will eat usually one good meal a day and the rest of the meals will be worthless!
This morning I think he had two bites of cinnanmon toast crunch, then at lunch had an entire pb&j, some spaghetti o's and two servings of mandarian oranges, which means tonight for dinner he will eat absolutely nothing since he chowed at lunch. It just is how he is.
And I know Jake and Owen are so similar so if Jake sees that it is getting to you he will keep it up because they like to battle in ways like that. For some reason their little minds get satisfaction knowing they are irritating us.
And for me it is not a picky eater thing because I really do not consider Owen picky though he is far more picky than Bryce and Keegan, it is just he is more of a one meal a day kid.
This is exactly like Rhys.
Kiera would rather drink milk, juice, water, whatver, then she is full and wont eat. then she gets hungry later. Im constantly withholding drinks from her. She is going to be a killer chug team member for the Rice University Beer Bike team. Im already a proud mama.
lmao Erin!!! Kate is a HUGE guzzler as well. She only gets juice at lunch and dinner (milk at breakfast-and water in between), but she is DONE with that juice in about 2 seconds-sometimes I hold off on giving it to her until she has eaten something.
