I think that I don't want to have this baby in Aug. I think Oct is a much better time. It is cooler. It is a nice month. Most importantly, it much further away then the begining of Aug.
I admit, I've been pretty depressed this whole pregnancy. Now, I think I'm starting to go full on panic attack mode. I'm so not ready.
The baby doesn't have a room. The house is a mess. Andrew does not want her to come. I have no crib, car seat (though my mom says she'll bring a car seat she used with my niece to Andrew's b'day), no stroller, diapers, I've bought like 15 pairs of baby socks and like 5 onesies, I'm not ready for another baby. I don't think I can do this.
I'm really kind of freaking out. With Andrew, I had the "morning" sickness much worse then I do now. Now I'm just sick when I'm in the car, brush my teeth, wake up, up late, tired...Anyway, it was much worse with him. I had back pain so bad I couldn't even sit, I had to lay down all the time. Now it just hurts a lot. Not crazy pain like before. Then I had high blood pressure, now it's low. Then we had a lot more money. Now, we're broke and Steve's getting a 10-15% pay cut in Aug. Then, I was ready to have him out. We had to do it 2 1/2 weeks early. Now, I want to wait as long as possible.
Do other people freak out? Like, really, really freak out? Is this normal? Everybbody expects me to happy and excited. I'm not. I'm scared and tired and stressed. I feel so unprepared. I feel so much older now then I did with Andrew. I didn't think we'd ever get pregnant and have another baby. I was pregnant a little while in June last year, and figured that was it.
How do you know if you are ready for another one? How do you make the first one like the second? How do you do it at all?
I've just got Boo, but I could definately see myself freaking out. I think it's different with your first - everything is new, and more importantly, you don't have to divide your time between anything else... now you have Andrew to care for, play with, combined with all the new baby stuff.
Anyways, I'm sure you'll get great advice, but I'm sending lots of hugs and prayers to you. It'll all be worth it, and soon you'll be looking back on this time and it'll seem like a short walk in the park.
I am not sure what words of wisdom I can offer you that will calm you down.
I really think all will work out just fine. I have never dealt with the age gap you will be dealing with.
Bryce was 5 1/2 when Keegan was born (I know Andrew will not be quite that old) he was an AWESOME help! I loved it and he was so great with Keegan. Of course he had already done the brother thing with Owen so not sure if that was the reason or not. Plus, Bryce's personality is just that and he is still so great with both of his brothers.
As far as things ready. Obviously, me being on boy #4 I have anything and everything boy you can imagine. I have yet to get anything out and ready though, I have until the end of August so a few more weeks than you. And we got a new infant seat with Keegan so we are good on the carseat and most everything else. I think the only thing I need is a breast pump. All I have ever had is a Avent Isis pump but it broke a piece towards the end of me nursing with Keegan so have to replace that at some point.
((((((HUGS)))))) Victoria. You can do this!!! (not that you have any choice in the matter, but trust me, you can.)
I freaked out when I found out I was pg with Kate-not that we didn't want another one, and not that we weren't planning on trying again in a few measly months anyway, but I just wasn't prepared for it and I freaked out. By the time she was born, I had settled down about it, but I wasn't as excited as I "should" have been. I knew I should have been more excited, but because it wasn't planned, I mentally had a hard time getting as jazzed about it. And let me tell you, her room wasn't ready, the house wasn't ready, we weren't ready, etc. Nothing was ready. Bill's company was fizzling out and we were struggling financially. Anna was only 16 months old when Kate was born, and I had a lot of guilt leading up to Kate's birth about taking Anna's time as the baby away from her. I just plain wasn't ready.
But you know what? She was born and I loved her. It was hard hard hard on me-between yet another horrible recovery, becoming symptomatic with and then diagnosed with UC, dealing with Kate's reflux and then also her PT, and taking care of a newborn and a young toddler, I really was spent all of the time. But once I met her and I fell in love with her (and you will with your daughter as well), it wasn't all about Anna anymore. It was rough and I wanted to run away some days, but Kate fit. She was part of our family, and no matter how hard the days were, I loved her more with each of them. It didn't matter anymore that we weren't ready-I was lucky enough to have family close to help get things in order at the house as we needed them to be. And the money situation was tough, but Kate didn't need anything except food, shelter and love (and a whole lot of burp cloths since she was a projectile vomiting baby, lol).
I felt unprepared because I WAS. But it didn't matter. I loved my kids and I did my best everyday, and they are happy and thriving little girls who love each other more than they hate each other, which I call success. I know the sibling aspect will be different for you-Anna wasn't old enough to be jealous. It was hard simply because she was practically a baby herself, but she doesn't remember a time when she didn't have a sister. Andrew will adjust-no matter how he might react in the beginning. (and he might do really well!! I fully expected my nephew to be horrid to his baby sister when she was born, but he is an awesome big brother)
Regardless of how you feel about it right now, you will love that little girl when she is here. I worried SO MUCH about Anna before Kate was born. I was not one who fell in love while my babies were in utero, so I felt more disconnected before I met them-it was just more abstract, you know? But like I said, once Kate was here, I never wanted to be without her, and I started worrying about both of them, lol!
How do we do it? The same way you will. One day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. You will love your children and you will do the best you can. And it is ok to be scared about the changes that are about to come! I'll be here for support anytime you need it. You can do this!!!
Victoria...many many (hugs) coming your way. I can't say I know how you feel because I don't, but I do know what it is like to have a baby without anyone to depend on, no money and to be afraid. I had my son, Andrew when I was 18. I was a single mom, but I knew my personality and I knew that I could do it on my own and I did. Looking back, it was tough, but so worth it and I have never regretted my decision. Also, it was a efining moment for me when I realized my character. I have always taken great pride in the fact that I raised him entirely on my own without any help and that if something were to happen now to Don, for example, I could (without a doubt) do it again, ie the single mom thing. From what I know of you, you have this same quality - you are a determined and loving mom and you will do fine.
I told Steve my plan of telling the Dr that I was really off on my dates and that we needed to move the C/S to a much later date. He said that he wouldn't even discuss it with me, that I was insane, and good luck with everything. Then he went to bed.
I feel really strange. Like, if we wanted another baby, whether we thought it would happen or not, and with so many losses, shouldn't I be over the moon???
Why do I feel so, like, removed, or something? I feel like stuff is happening and I have no say or control in any of it. I felt stressed with Andrew, but not...IDK...Disconnected, Like Laura said. I love that you wrote that you felt unprepared, and that you were. And that your kids are fine. Alive, healthy, happy, beautiful. You obviously have done a great job even though you have been through so much.
I had always wanted four kids, begged dh to consider a fourth and when we got this suprise fourth I was terrified.
I dont like to talk about the baby and really dont want another. We had just given all our baby stuff but our car seat away or tossed it and I have no desire to do this again.
Right now I dont want to find out the babys sex, but honestly I think its more because I dont want to define a daughter or a son and make it more real. LIke now its just an it a baby whatever
i looked at names right after I had found out but now I could care less.
Let me tell you Im with ya. I hope it gets better for you soon.
I think it could certainly be possible, Victoria. Hormones are all totally out of whack.
With Josie, I was pretty detatched before she was born. I was not prepared. She came a bit early (a week before due date and two weeks before I had her c-section scheduled).
I was so worried I wouldnt' have time for Charlie, etc.
Josie was such an easy baby. A total dream. It wasn't an issue at all to add her to our lives. And as soon as I met her, I was over the moon in love with her. All of my worry about not being prepared (I wasn't) was really for nothing. Laundry got done when we got home. She had a place to sleep and a car seat and we went from there. She didn't have her own crib until October (she was 3 months old).
I think it's ok to be worried (obviously) and ok to be stressed. But really, babies don't need that much when they are new. They don't need fancy painted rooms or fancy bedding.
It will be summer, she won't need a snow suit or hats or anything like that. You'll have time when she arrives to get organized as you need it.
I had always wanted four kids, begged dh to consider a fourth and when we got this suprise fourth I was terrified.
I dont like to talk about the baby and really dont want another. We had just given all our baby stuff but our car seat away or tossed it and I have no desire to do this again.
Right now I dont want to find out the babys sex, but honestly I think its more because I dont want to define a daughter or a son and make it more real. LIke now its just an it a baby whatever
i looked at names right after I had found out but now I could care less.
Let me tell you Im with ya. I hope it gets better for you soon.
We gave away our infant seat and car seat away in July. They'd been in the house, taking up room, getting dusty, mocking me... LOL.
I still call the baby "it" sometimes. Makes Steve mad. I have to work on using she. You are very right. It makes it much more real.
As for names, I've looked at one name book. Didn't have anything I liked. I've got 3 choices, but I don't think I want to use them, because I feel like they ar the only things I can think of, and don't want the baby stuck with a name just because I couldn't think of a "good" one.
Have you bought baby stuff? I've gotten socks and just recently some onesies. From the 99cent store. I keep saying it's because we're broke. Which we are. But, frankly, there's no big want to go out and buy cutesie, pink stuff. I've started glancing at stuff when I'm out, but it all looks unappealing. I'm just not feeling"it" yet.
After Andrew was born, I had PPD. It was pretty bad. I feel like I have it now. Crying, moody, sad, down...... Is that possible?
{hugs}
Jake and Kate are 25 months apart. I felt depressed much of my pregnancy with Kate. We wanted her, planned her, etc. but I had morning sickness where I threw up 5 x per day for 22 weeks. I was miserable and I was missing tons of stuff with Jake because of it. I feel like that most likely contributed to my depression. It really worried me though how unexcited and distant I felt. I told my DH mid-pregnancy that I needed him to watch me after delivery for signs of PPD - I thought for sure I would have it based on how I felt during the pregnancy (I'd never had it with my other two deliveries). I was lucky after I had her I was happy and my "normal" post partum self.
I agree with a lot of what Sonya has said. You fall in love. You will get into a routine that works for you and your family, it will fall into place and become your new normal.
I do remember thinking - with each of my 3 pregnancies - probably around 35 weeks "uh oh - there is really no turning back now! This baby is coming out soon whether I'm ready or not" and getting a little panicky.
You can do this. We're hear anytime you need anything
I think it could certainly be possible, Victoria. Hormones are all totally out of whack.
With Josie, I was pretty detatched before she was born. I was not prepared. She came a bit early (a week before due date and two weeks before I had her c-section scheduled).
I was so worried I wouldnt' have time for Charlie, etc.
Josie was such an easy baby. A total dream. It wasn't an issue at all to add her to our lives. And as soon as I met her, I was over the moon in love with her. All of my worry about not being prepared (I wasn't) was really for nothing. Laundry got done when we got home. She had a place to sleep and a car seat and we went from there. She didn't have her own crib until October (she was 3 months old).
I think it's ok to be worried (obviously) and ok to be stressed. But really, babies don't need that much when they are new. They don't need fancy painted rooms or fancy bedding.
It will be summer, she won't need a snow suit or hats or anything like that. You'll have time when she arrives to get organized as you need it.
You can do it. We're here for you!
For the first few months Andrew lived in a couple of onesis and T-Shirts and diapers the first few months. It was so hot in the summer, and I'd been on bed rest, so hadn't been able to get out and shop for him. I got to go out one day and got a stroller/infant seat combo, a play pen that had a bassenet that he slept in, and a swing. That's when I picked up the t-shirts, and he was comfy in those.
I figure this baby can do the same thing. I haven't gotten diapers yet. I have looked at those, but don't want to store them while I'm trying to reorganize the house and am not sure what size to get. They grow so fast, and my mom said she was going to bring me some at Andrew's party. So I'm waiting to see if she does. They grow so fast, I don't want to get a bunch of newborn diapers that we can't use.
I don't know what we would do if this baby came early. I need every extra min to clean and organize.
I think it could certainly be possible, Victoria. Hormones are all totally out of whack.
With Josie, I was pretty detatched before she was born. I was not prepared. She came a bit early (a week before due date and two weeks before I had her c-section scheduled).
I was so worried I wouldnt' have time for Charlie, etc.
Josie was such an easy baby. A total dream. It wasn't an issue at all to add her to our lives. And as soon as I met her, I was over the moon in love with her. All of my worry about not being prepared (I wasn't) was really for nothing. Laundry got done when we got home. She had a place to sleep and a car seat and we went from there. She didn't have her own crib until October (she was 3 months old).
I think it's ok to be worried (obviously) and ok to be stressed. But really, babies don't need that much when they are new. They don't need fancy painted rooms or fancy bedding.
It will be summer, she won't need a snow suit or hats or anything like that. You'll have time when she arrives to get organized as you need it.
You can do it. We're here for you!
For the first few months Andrew lived in a couple of onesis and T-Shirts and diapers the first few months. It was so hot in the summer, and I'd been on bed rest, so hadn't been able to get out and shop for him. I got to go out one day and got a stroller/infant seat combo, a play pen that had a bassenet that he slept in, and a swing. That's when I picked up the t-shirts, and he was comfy in those.
I figure this baby can do the same thing. I haven't gotten diapers yet. I have looked at those, but don't want to store them while I'm trying to reorganize the house and am not sure what size to get. They grow so fast, and my mom said she was going to bring me some at Andrew's party. So I'm waiting to see if she does. They grow so fast, I don't want to get a bunch of newborn diapers that we can't use.
I don't know what we would do if this baby came early. I need every extra min to clean and organize.
I had such a sore back with Josie and I was SO huge that I found it so hard to clean, shop, etc. After she was born, I felt SO mcuh better - even after a c-section - that cleaning, shopping etc was just much easier.
I also feel stressed from the time that I have left to be "alone" with Andrew. We only have a few more weeks where it will be just us.
I mentioned to him this week that soon when we read stories, the baby will be here to listen. I was *trying* to make it seem like it'll be cool that he can read and the baby can't do anything. Trying to make him feel good about being a big brother.
He flipped out. I'm going to like the baby better. I'm supposed to be his heart. (I always tell him he's my heart.) He wan't it to just be him.... I tried to reassure him that we would have time to do stories just us, but that sometimes, the baby will be there too.
After Andrew was born, I had PPD. It was pretty bad. I feel like I have it now. Crying, moody, sad, down...... Is that possible?
{hugs}
Jake and Kate are 25 months apart. I felt depressed much of my pregnancy with Kate. We wanted her, planned her, etc. but I had morning sickness where I threw up 5 x per day for 22 weeks. I was miserable and I was missing tons of stuff with Jake because of it. I feel like that most likely contributed to my depression. It really worried me though how unexcited and distant I felt. I told my DH mid-pregnancy that I needed him to watch me after delivery for signs of PPD - I thought for sure I would have it based on how I felt during the pregnancy (I'd never had it with my other two deliveries). I was lucky after I had her I was happy and my "normal" post partum self.
I agree with a lot of what Sonya has said. You fall in love. You will get into a routine that works for you and your family, it will fall into place and become your new normal.
I do remember thinking - with each of my 3 pregnancies - probably around 35 weeks "uh oh - there is really no turning back now! This baby is coming out soon whether I'm ready or not" and getting a little panicky.
You can do this. We're hear anytime you need anything
I've already thrown up 3 times today. Seems like it never stops. I took a zofran, which I try not to, but could tell this was going to be a very barfy day.
I feel bad about missing stuff with Andrew too. He's in Summer school, and parents have to work some days, but it's 4 hours, and it's just too much for me. Steve has to do it. He also had to work all our days in April and May. I wasn't able to go to the Zoo field trip. I hate missing his stuff.
I feel really strange. Like, if we wanted another baby, whether we thought it would happen or not, and with so many losses, shouldn't I be over the moon???
Why do I feel so, like, removed, or something? I feel like stuff is happening and I have no say or control in any of it. I felt stressed with Andrew, but not...IDK...Disconnected, Like Laura said. I love that you wrote that you felt unprepared, and that you were. And that your kids are fine. Alive, healthy, happy, beautiful. You obviously have done a great job even though you have been through so much.
Thank you-but really, I am just doing what every mom does. My best. And some days it is more than enough, some days it falls short-but I keep getting up and doing it again!
Please remember that there is no "should" about any of this. Sometimes it is easy to feel like you "should" feel a certain way or be a certain way, but the reality of motherhood is that sometimes it is HARD. The choices we make, the guilt we feel (which is mostly unwarranted, really-I mean, we are all good moms who love out kids and try to do best for them), everything. And transitioning from one to two does elicit a lot of feelings and emotions. It is kind of like being a ftm again. If we are blessed enough to have another baby at some point, I won't worry about whether or not I will be able to love him or her as much as I love my older two, but I worried terribly about that before Kate was born. People had told me you love all of your children equally, but I wondered, "Could I be the one person who doesn't??"
And I won't worry about my kids getting the shaft or not getting the attention they need, but I worried about that constantly before Kate was born-to the point that I was in TEARS the day we went for my c/s and I had to say goodbye to Anna. It broke my heart to leave the days of it just being her. But now I see them laughing together, kissing and hugging each other (and yes, they wrestle each other sometimes too, lol), and I know that I gave Anna the best gift I ever could in having a sister. Andrew WILL come around. It might be hard on him for a while, but giving him a sibling really is the best gift he will ever receive, and eventually you and he will see that. (you before him, lol) But seriously, I CAN NOT express to you how much guilt I felt about forcing Anna into the roll of big sister. Even when Kate was a little older and started crawling and such-I mean, I could already see in KATE how much she adored Anna, but poor Anna, who wasn't even 2 yet, was having to defend all of her stuff, lol. I had days when I felt like "what have we done?" But everyone who told me that giving Anna a sibling really was a gift was right-it was. They are best friends. They love each other-it is amazing to watch them together. One day, you will say the same thing.
Please don't waste time right now wishing you were excited or trying to change your emotions to fit what you think you "should" feel. I am sorry you are feeling so sick, and I hope that you don't continue to have rough days like this. I would advise you to enjoy your time with Andrew during these last weeks. Don't talk too much about the baby if it upsets him. It won't change anything, it won't help him to be more prepared, IMO. He knows it is coming, and I think the best thing you can do is to just give him all of the attention and love you can! You will all have time to adjust when the baby arrives-try your best to relax and just enjoy the life you have today before it changes.
Ok, I am done rambling...hang in there. You can do this!
-- Edited by Supafly on Wednesday 16th of June 2010 01:18:46 PM
I was really down with my pregnancy with Adelaide. I was overjoyed to be pregnant and to have my little girl on the way but the outside stress in our life was just way more than I cared to deal with. We had a lot to deal with. And then when she was 4 months old he was laid off and he has yet to find a job that pays what he was getting. So, I understand the broke thing real well too.
Many, many hugs. Somehow, you just make it. Don't know how but it goes from crazy hectic to running smoothly and you aren't sure why.
Colin loved Adelaide from the moment he saw her. The moment he laid eyes on her he was in love and though she takes his toys and keeps him from playing Legos in the floor he wouldn't do anything to hurt her. If she falls, he kisses her boo-boo. If she cries, he makes her laugh. If she needs help, he helps her. There was jealousy but it was targeted at us and not Adelaide. He's been a great help. We let him pick out outfits, diapers, wipes, and baby food. He picks out food for her to eat with a little guidance from us. It'll come to Andrew! Its a bit scary going from only child to a big brother in a short 9 months time. Its a long time to be pregnant but when you're 5, dang! That's a short time to be asked to adjust to such a life change!
I hope the rest of your pregnancy is a bit easier for you soon! Cannot wait to see pictures of this very lucky little girl!
I also feel stressed from the time that I have left to be "alone" with Andrew. We only have a few more weeks where it will be just us.
I mentioned to him this week that soon when we read stories, the baby will be here to listen. I was *trying* to make it seem like it'll be cool that he can read and the baby can't do anything. Trying to make him feel good about being a big brother.
He flipped out. I'm going to like the baby better. I'm supposed to be his heart. (I always tell him he's my heart.) He wan't it to just be him.... I tried to reassure him that we would have time to do stories just us, but that sometimes, the baby will be there too.
He's already jealous. And I feel guilty.
Would you use a wrap/sling? I know my kids are 11 years apart but there was plenty of time that I had something to do w/DS and having her in a sling with both hands free was wonderful. IMO I wouldn't bring up the baby anymore unless he does. There is noway to know how a sibling will act until the baby comes home.
I saw the Dr on Thus. Apparently the placenta doesn't really last past 42 weeks, and it's kind of important, so it lasting, working, until Oct or even the end of Aug, isn't going to happen.
He said that it's normal to feel moody. Not sure about bringing in another child, especially if the first isn't totally on board.
I also saw my therapist, and she wants to see me twice next week. LOL! My insurance doesn't wanna pay for more than once or twice a month, but I'll pony it up and go twice next week. She thinks that Andrew is going to have a hard time with having another baby. And that that's totally normal. He'll feel like he's losing me.
With Andrew I wasn't prepared 'cause I'd been on bed rest and couldn't do anything. This time, I'm unprepared 'cause I've been having crazy time. Wow is this kid gaonna be lucky!
I still feel in shock just about being pregnant. It seems like a dream. I've had dreams where I'm pregnant, but then go to the Dr and I'm not. Just crazy. My mom and grandmom went through menopause at 36, 37. I'd been having night sweats and hot flashes. The past 2 years my cycle has gotten wacky, longer. I'm now 38. That seems so old.
I guess I'm having a baby girl and she's coming in Aug.
She thinks that Andrew is going to have a hard time with having another baby. And that that's totally normal. He'll feel like he's losing me. 
