I feel like everybody has more than one! I feel sad sometimes because sometimes I want another one and other times I don't. Main reasons I don't are because of the autism thing, since it could be genetic I don't think I could deal with going through it again, also financially it is out of the question, all of us are uninsured right now. And also I don't know if I could handle another one, I feel like I have zero patience and don't know if I could do it again. I feel like such a bad mom sometimes. My sister in law just had a baby girl on St. Patrick's day and it totally gives me baby fever and I was talking to MIL and of course she had to say a smart ass comment of "You can't even handle the one you have." Which makes me completely feel like a failure as a mother, which I probably am 95% of the time. Dominic has really been talking lately about a sibling, he wants someone to play with etc, but I feel like by the time it will be the right time he will be too old, my sister and I are 9 years apart and I don't think we will ever be really close. Anyway I guess I am just feeling bummed because there are so many babies!
i think we always second guess, too many? too few? siblings? no siblings? am I too old for kids? should I have waited? We just want to give our kids exactly what they need, but really, they just need our love and support and everything else is gravy. :) Dont listen to the haters. Do whats right for you. :)
You are not the only one. Although I have two, it's more like two different only children because they are 18 years apart. They do have a relationship but not one typical of siblings. I thought for many years it just wasn't in the cards for me to have more than one. Then the unexpected happened and I ended up having Elizabeth. We also went through the process to adopt, but it fell through. So once again, I am coming to terms with having another only child.
I also agree with Erin. Ignore the ornery mean people. No one is a perfect parent and I seriously doubt many have a clue what it is like to walk in your shoes.
Oh Jasmine. You do not deserve comments like your MIL made. I am so sorry. I do not know what it is like to have a child with autism-does she? I mean, no one should be making comments like that when they don't understand what it is like.
I can tell you there is no way you are a failure as a mom. Please don't beat yourself up!!!! We are all doing the best we can, and I know sometimes my best isn't good enough, but it is all I can do. You ARE a good mom.
And you are not the only one with one child!! There are a few people here who have one child, and I think there are some who don't plan on having more. No one is to say what the "right" number is for each family. Only you and your husband can determine that for your family. And don't worry about what other people think or feel about it!
As Im sure you know we have 3, however because of Rayms Autism we have decided to not have anymore. I totally understand the fear of having to do it again. Even though Raym is extremely high functioning (or so it seems right now) I worry every day about Scott.
Kids require so much time and adding in therapy takes a lot of my time from the others and I feel guilty about that.
Anyway only you and your dh can decide if its right for you to have more. If you dont you will be able to give your time directly to Dominic and if you do, Siblings could definitely be a benefit. YOu cant go wrong.
Hugs. You are not a failure! Being a mom is hard and takes so much patience. Its easy for someone else to judge a situation they aren't dealing with themselves. I can't imagine what you have had to cope with concerning Dominic's autism. You have been through so much! Don't beat yourself up and don't let anyone put you down or let you think for a second that you are a bad mom. Hang in there chica! : )
Your mil is a total pos for saying that. I'm just going to throw that out there, because you are a great mom, and I do NOT deal well with comments like that. Shame on her.
Itu, because although I do want a second child, I know how much it hurts to have the one you have asking for one. Every prayer, every wish on a birthday cake, every dime she throws into a wishing well - they all go into begging for a sibling (well, multiple siblings, but she's barking up the wrong tree for that atm, lol.)
It looked like Andrew would be an only child, but the summer he'll be a big bro...
But I had worries about him being an only, missing out on a sibling. I had/have worries about him having a sibling, even if he had a twin, there's no guantee that they'll be close. Now he'll be 5 years older then this baby. There's never enough money to go around, though thank God we do had health insurance... I think we'll be in debt forever...I'm alrady upset just thinking about the lack of sleep with a newborn. Mama doesn't do well with no sleep...
I think that no matter how many kids we all have, we worry about it and what we should do or have done differently.
Try to cut yourself some slack, you're a great mom doing the best you can for your son.
That is awful that your MIL would say that!!! You are an awesome mama, otherwise you wouldn't worry about it so much. Remember we are always our own worst critic.
My sister is pregnant with number 2 and we are close in age and have a lot of the same friends... so I ALWAYS hear "when are you guys having another one." It makes me a little mad because it's like having just one child is not good enough. But it also makes me sad because I don't even know if I could get pregnant again in the first place with my PCOS.... I think in a lot of ways deciding to have just one child makes it my choice and protects me from the disappointment of trying and not being able to get pregnant.
Lucas has also been asking for a sibling, although he says he only wants a big brother (or maybe a big sister) but he does NOT want a baby brother or sister because he does NOT like babies anymore. My sisters first child just got old enough to get into his stuff and he is OVER it
-- Edited by LucsMama on Wednesday 24th of March 2010 12:15:14 AM
That is awful that your MIL would say that!!! You are an awesome mama, otherwise you wouldn't worry about it so much. Remember we are always our own worst critic.
My sister is pregnant with number 2 and we are close in age and have a lot of the same friends... so I ALWAYS hear "when are you guys having another one." It makes me a little mad because it's like having just one child is not good enough. But it also makes me sad because I don't even know if I could get pregnant again in the first place with my PCOS.... I think in a lot of ways deciding to have just one child makes it my choice and protects me from the disappointment of trying and not being able to get pregnant.
Lucas has also been asking for a sibling, although he says he only wants a big brother (or maybe a big sister) but he does NOT want a baby brother or sister because he does NOT like babies anymore. My sisters first child just got old enough to get into his stuff and he is OVER it
-- Edited by LucsMama on Wednesday 24th of March 2010 12:15:14 AM
Totally, at first it's when are you going to have a baby, then you have one, and people are right on you to have more... MYOB people!
