Any former grade-school slackers out there??

Toni · Guru

Any former grade-school slackers out there??

happylib · Guru

I had a terrible time with my son so I totally understand your frustration. I do have a few questions for you. Is there a homework hotline or internet posting you can check?

If the teacher is initialing it, why is she not making sure the assignment is written down? When I was teaching I did this with students, especially if the parents let me know.

Have you tried asking her what it would take?

Do you have a time set aside for homework? If so, even if she doesn't have any you can tell her she has to rework math problems in her book or something of that nature.

It's a hard balance sometimes. I know my son and I went around many times. He resented me checking up on him (which I did by emailing his teachers) and I felt like the ogre for doing it but it needed to be done.

I hope you find and easier solution. :hug:

crystal · Guru

i was a super homework slacker. my parents ended up grounding me to the table until my grades improved. i always got good test scores, but just didn't want to do homework. so, from when i got my report card until i got a good progress report, i had to come home from school and sit at the table every night. i think they made me sit there from the time i got home until bed time, but i could be just exaggerating it in my head :) i am betting if you made her sit there for an hour (maybe 2?) every single night regardless of if she has homework or not it might help. she can use that time to do her homework, and if she doesn't have any she can read a book.

this did work for me in the short term, but later i started slacking again. my parents ended up playing a trick on me that shaped me up for the rest of my schooling. my final report card in 7th grade had 2 D's and one F. my parents pretended that they had gone to the school to talk to the principal. they told me that they had decided together with the principal that i could "try out" the 8th grade, but if i didn't make honor roll then i would be moved back to the 7th grade again. this scared the shiz out of me! lmao. then, they also told me that if i made the honor roll for the entire year of 8th grade they would get me a puppy (something i had been begging for).

i made almost straight A's in 8th grade, and continued with the honor roll through high school. something just clicked and i realized it was pretty easy to make honor roll if i just tried a little bit.

i hope you can find something to work for you guys. i'm sure that is beyond frustrating for a parent.

supergrover · Guru

I wasn't so much a slacker as a kiddo with major self esteem issues. I progressively slid from the top class in 2nd grade until I was on (what I can look back and know, but at the time didn't) a non-college track of classes. I can remember doing our yearly state testing in 5th grade and making pictures with the bubbles, or choosing all C's. I didn't even care to read the questions. I also remember having a wretched 4th grade teacher who was in her first year out of college and used to tell me I had a whining voice that annoyed her.

It all changed for me in 6th grade with an amazing English teacher. She honestly just showed me positive attention, encouraged us to find books we loved and read read read. Looking back, I think she singled me and three other kids out as being in the wrong track and gave us extra projects, would make us feel special, etc. All four of us were bumped up to the college prep track by 7th grade.

Do you think it is still adjusting to the move? Or maybe an initial friend she has made is slacking so she is just to fit in?

I don't have good advice, but I hope you find a solution that works for your family!

Toni · Guru

Thanks for the feedback; I was just so pissed/stressed/frustrated last night, I had to vent somewhere. Dh's ideas are all punishment related (take this away, take that away)-which isn't working.

The kicker is that she is SO smart; like, scoring at the top of the state in two states smart (99% in both states across the boards in testing). Her teachers have petitioned for her to be in the gifted program, but she won't do the work, so I'm betting she'll be bounced back down. She wasn't doing the work great before the program, so I don't think it's an issue with difficulty.

Crystal, that sounds like her. I think if she just found her groove, she would totally click and sail right through school. She would sit and read non-stop if I let her (which is why it makes me nuts that she didn't do a book report!)

I'm thinking we are going to set up an incentive system, where she earns rewards for good grades. Like, for every A she gets 10 pts, every B 5 points, C's lose 5 points, D lose 10 points, and then give rewards like a Six Flags season pass, and things along that line.

I have been hounding her and checking with teachers all year, and it's at the point where I just want to let her fall flat on her face, though I'm worried she really won't care.

Argh, this is so frustrating!

sappy · Guru

oh dear. this sounds like jake. all brains & no motivation.

as we are STILL trying to figure it out here (and he'll be 15 on friday) i don't have any solid answers.

if you figure something out let me know.

until then, i wish you TONS of patience and brilliant ideas.

sending hugs my friend.

Toni · Guru

happylib wrote:

I had a terrible time with my son so I totally understand your frustration. I do have a few questions for you. Is there a homework hotline or internet posting you can check?

If the teacher is initialing it, why is she not making sure the assignment is written down? When I was teaching I did this with students, especially if the parents let me know.

Have you tried asking her what it would take?

Do you have a time set aside for homework? If so, even if she doesn't have any you can tell her she has to rework math problems in her book or something of that nature.

It's a hard balance sometimes. I know my son and I went around many times. He resented me checking up on him (which I did by emailing his teachers) and I felt like the ogre for doing it but it needed to be done.

I hope you find and easier solution. :hug:

This is exactly what I said last night. I wrote it on the little late assignment slips, that the book report/oral report were never written down.

I've met/talked to the teacher several times, and I'm frustrated that she isn't really checking her stuff. But I guess with so many kids in the class, maybe it's just too overwhelming.

We have a pretty good routine, where she walks in the door, goes to the table, and sits down to do her homework right away (along with having a snack). I'm always there, and check her notebook, but she tells me she finished in school and handed it in, or didn't have any, etc. Then I find out she did, and didn't do it. This is the thing that makes me crazy!

It's good to hear that I'm not the only parent who has dealt with this, lol!

happylib · Guru

Toni wrote:

happylib wrote:

I had a terrible time with my son so I totally understand your frustration. I do have a few questions for you. Is there a homework hotline or internet posting you can check?

If the teacher is initialing it, why is she not making sure the assignment is written down? When I was teaching I did this with students, especially if the parents let me know.

Have you tried asking her what it would take?

Do you have a time set aside for homework? If so, even if she doesn't have any you can tell her she has to rework math problems in her book or something of that nature.

It's a hard balance sometimes. I know my son and I went around many times. He resented me checking up on him (which I did by emailing his teachers) and I felt like the ogre for doing it but it needed to be done.

I hope you find and easier solution. :hug:

This is exactly what I said last night. I wrote it on the little late assignment slips, that the book report/oral report were never written down.

I've met/talked to the teacher several times, and I'm frustrated that she isn't really checking her stuff. But I guess with so many kids in the class, maybe it's just too overwhelming.

We have a pretty good routine, where she walks in the door, goes to the table, and sits down to do her homework right away (along with having a snack). I'm always there, and check her notebook, but she tells me she finished in school and handed it in, or didn't have any, etc. Then I find out she did, and didn't do it. This is the thing that makes me crazy!

It's good to hear that I'm not the only parent who has dealt with this, lol!

I would ask for the teacher's email. I know that it helped so much when my ds knew I emailed the teacher. Next time that she tells you she handed it in at school or doesn't have any, email the teacher to confirm it. I know Danielle will not like it, but you can slack off later if she changes her ways. Also I would email the teacher once a week and ask her if she is missing anything. I don't buy the excuse she has too many students. You might mention something like you know she is probably still processing all the student work but wanted to know if so far everything was up to date with her. Sometimes teachers don't check homework into the book for a week or two, but if you know a week or two back she was missing something, you can still make her do it.

Sorry that in my tired state of mind today that I messed up her name. :bag:

-- Edited by happylib on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 11:17:23 PM

apies · Guru

ok, chiming in here from another teacher's perspective.

first of all, this situation will only get worse as she gets into high school, so kudos to you for trying to get a grip on it now.

what i cannot stand as a teacher is when parents expect ME to write the homework down OR remember to remind the kid to give me the agenda to sign. if the kid is doing it and giving it to me to initial, no problem. i check it and then initial. but honestly, the last couple of minute of class are SO nuts and 25 kids in there want 25 different things. if danielle is "forgetting," then the teacher may not remember until it's too late. eta: sorry this sounded so angry. i didn't mean that you were doing this or even that danielle is doing this. just explaining how this goes in MY class sometimes to see if perhaps that could be what's happening with danielle.

i know she's not in high school, but i agree with both you AND DH's ideas. i think that the positive reinforcements are key, but at the same time, when she screws up, there needs to be a consequence OUTSIDE of the grade because obviously the grade is not affecting her at this point. and the grades ARE important and can't be undone. kwim? i mean, when we're trying to teach our kids good manners so we positively reward them when they do it well, it doesn't really matter when they do it wrong because it's not "hurting" them, if that makes sense. but the bad grades DO hurt her and i do think there needs to be a consequence for when she drops the ball and doesn't manage her end of the responsibility (either by not getting the agenda signed, not doing the work or by lying about what work was supposed to be done).

one more suggestion i have is a weekly email to all of her teachers. i've recommended this to several of my parents and it has been working well for us (again hs, but maybe some would work for you guys). for the most part, the parents email us over the weekend so we have the emails monday morning. replying is ALWAYS manageable for me, while INITIATING an email is usually something i never get around to :bag: you can email all of her teachers (does she have more than 1? idek) and ask them for due dates for the week. i even attach documents to the reply when i send it so moms have them at home if kids claim they forgot them.

one parent i've been working with has this new policy. she checks his agenda when he gets home. if every teacher hasn't signed it, no tv or phone that night. on fridays, she emails the teachers. if he has any 0s from the week, he is not allowed out with his girlfriend that weekend. harsh? yes. but for some kids, getting the Fs is not enough to phase them and they become numb. numb at age 17 or 18 like some of the kids i teach right now means that they aren't graduating when june comes and it kills me.

i'm sorry that this is so long, but i feel so strongly about all of this. i hope you can find something that works for her, whatever that may be. :hug:

-- Edited by apies on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 08:42:05 PM

-- Edited by apies on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 08:43:27 PM

happylib · Guru

apies wrote:

ok, chiming in here from another teacher's perspective.

first of all, this situation will only get worse as she gets into high school, so kudos to you for trying to get a grip on it now.

what i cannot stand as a teacher is when parents expect ME to write the homework down OR remember to remind the kid to give me the agenda to sign. if the kid is doing it and giving it to me to initial, no problem. i check it and then initial. but honestly, the last couple of minute of class are SO nuts and 25 kids in there want 25 different things. if danielle is "forgetting," then the teacher may not remember until it's too late. eta: sorry this sounded so angry. i didn't mean that you were doing this or even that danielle is doing this. just explaining how this goes in MY class sometimes to see if perhaps that could be what's happening with danielle.

i know she's not in high school, but i agree with both you AND DH's ideas. i think that the positive reinforcements are key, but at the same time, when she screws up, there needs to be a consequence OUTSIDE of the grade because obviously the grade is not affecting her at this point. and the grades ARE important and can't be undone. kwim? i mean, when we're trying to teach our kids good manners so we positively reward them when they do it well, it doesn't really matter when they do it wrong because it's not "hurting" them, if that makes sense. but the bad grades DO hurt her and i do think there needs to be a consequence for when she drops the ball and doesn't manage her end of the responsibility (either by not getting the agenda signed, not doing the work or by lying about what work was supposed to be done).

one more suggestion i have is a weekly email to all of her teachers. i've recommended this to several of my parents and it has been working well for us (again hs, but maybe some would work for you guys). for the most part, the parents email us over the weekend so we have the emails monday morning. replying is ALWAYS manageable for me, while INITIATING an email is usually something i never get around to :bag: you can email all of her teachers (does she have more than 1? idek) and ask them for due dates for the week. i even attach documents to the reply when i send it so moms have them at home if kids claim they forgot them.

one parent i've been working with has this new policy. she checks his agenda when he gets home. if every teacher hasn't signed it, no tv or phone that night. on fridays, she emails the teachers. if he has any 0s from the week, he is not allowed out with his girlfriend that weekend. harsh? yes. but for some kids, getting the Fs is not enough to phase them and they become numb. numb at age 17 or 18 like some of the kids i teach right now means that they aren't graduating when june comes and it kills me.

i'm sorry that this is so long, but i feel so strongly about all of this. i hope you can find something that works for her, whatever that may be. :hug:

-- Edited by apies on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 08:42:05 PM

-- Edited by apies on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 08:43:27 PM

April, I agree with what you are saying in the red. When I checked the kid had to write it down and I just wouldn't initial it if an assignment wasn't written. The email system did help us so much when my ds was in school. It's a great tool and generally I was the one to initiate the emails (which I was fine with). I agree that the students need to take responsibility and the emails give a parent concrete feedback to actually know one way or the other.

Robin · Guru

Not a grade-school slacker here but I am also at my wit's end with Henry's schoolwork.

Strategizing some ways to help now. I'm in the process of scheduling a conference with Henry's teacher, and I've got a whole page of ideas regarding punishments/restrictions and rewards.

Some of these may be no-brainers to other people but we started these strategies yesterday:

-No friends over after school on school days.
-No TV until homework is finished (I'm failing on this one RIGHT NOW.*)
-Strict bedtime reinforcement. Henry's bedtime is 8:30 pm.
-No complaining about schoolwork or homework.
-No Mario or Zoo Tycoon until the grades improve.

I haven't matched rewards with successes yet--like what he earns for what but some of the rewards he'll get are:

-Have a friend for dinner and/or sleep over.
-Go to a movie.
-Get a projector. [I already bought one for his birthday but I'm going to let him earn it.]
-Stay up as late as he wants on a non-school night. [This one was Henry's idea.]
-Go to zoo camp for a week this summer.
-Choose what we have/where we go for dinner one night.
-Go to a sports event--high school bball game or something.
-Treasure from treasure box (bouncy balls, maybe a movie giftcard or something, silver dollars, ring pops, that type of stuff)

The things I want him to achieve:

-Go to bed on time for a week.
-Get no F's on his papers for a week.
-Get A's and B's on his interim/report cards
-Get better grades than the last time on his report card--last time was 2 C's, an A, and a B.

So different rewards for different things; still working on it.

Glen has already told me he doesn't agree with the "no friends on school days" rule. :eyeroll:

Toni · Guru

happylib wrote:

apies wrote:

ok, chiming in here from another teacher's perspective.

first of all, this situation will only get worse as she gets into high school, so kudos to you for trying to get a grip on it now.

what i cannot stand as a teacher is when parents expect ME to write the homework down OR remember to remind the kid to give me the agenda to sign. if the kid is doing it and giving it to me to initial, no problem. i check it and then initial. but honestly, the last couple of minute of class are SO nuts and 25 kids in there want 25 different things. if danielle is "forgetting," then the teacher may not remember until it's too late. eta: sorry this sounded so angry. i didn't mean that you were doing this or even that danielle is doing this. just explaining how this goes in MY class sometimes to see if perhaps that could be what's happening with danielle.

i know she's not in high school, but i agree with both you AND DH's ideas. i think that the positive reinforcements are key, but at the same time, when she screws up, there needs to be a consequence OUTSIDE of the grade because obviously the grade is not affecting her at this point. and the grades ARE important and can't be undone. kwim? i mean, when we're trying to teach our kids good manners so we positively reward them when they do it well, it doesn't really matter when they do it wrong because it's not "hurting" them, if that makes sense. but the bad grades DO hurt her and i do think there needs to be a consequence for when she drops the ball and doesn't manage her end of the responsibility (either by not getting the agenda signed, not doing the work or by lying about what work was supposed to be done).

one more suggestion i have is a weekly email to all of her teachers. i've recommended this to several of my parents and it has been working well for us (again hs, but maybe some would work for you guys). for the most part, the parents email us over the weekend so we have the emails monday morning. replying is ALWAYS manageable for me, while INITIATING an email is usually something i never get around to :bag: you can email all of her teachers (does she have more than 1? idek) and ask them for due dates for the week. i even attach documents to the reply when i send it so moms have them at home if kids claim they forgot them.

one parent i've been working with has this new policy. she checks his agenda when he gets home. if every teacher hasn't signed it, no tv or phone that night. on fridays, she emails the teachers. if he has any 0s from the week, he is not allowed out with his girlfriend that weekend. harsh? yes. but for some kids, getting the Fs is not enough to phase them and they become numb. numb at age 17 or 18 like some of the kids i teach right now means that they aren't graduating when june comes and it kills me.

i'm sorry that this is so long, but i feel so strongly about all of this. i hope you can find something that works for her, whatever that may be. :hug:

-- Edited by apies on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 08:42:05 PM

-- Edited by apies on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 08:43:27 PM

April, I agree with what you are saying in the red. When I checked the kid had to write it down and I just wouldn't initial it if an assignment wasn't written. The email system did help us so much when my ds was in school. It's a great tool and generally I was the one to initiate the emails (which I was fine with). I agree that the students need to take responsibility and the emails give a parent concrete feedback to actually know one way or the other.

First off, I appreciate the feedback. This is all still going one day at a time.

The issue with her notebook isn't so much the initialing or signing; my irritation is with the fact that fault is being handed to either 1) her teacher, for not double checking her assignments were written down, or 2) me/DH for not closely examining her book closely enough. Because honestly, it's not our fault she won't do her work, kwim?

Her teachers put A LOT of weight into the notebook, and she gets in trouble when it's not signed. So when she was missing assignments, they remind me to sign her notebook. Ok, fine, but what good does that do when the assignments aren't written down?

My goal is not to make her teachers and me better at checking notebooks, but to find a way to motivate her to work harder (or work at all, as it seems).

We have been pretty heavy handed with the punishments this year (she lost her Ipod, CD player, and computer time a while back, and has yet to see them). My concern is that stripping her of priveleges doesn't seem to affect her. Currently, we have her grounded for two weeks. But for Dani, who barely has a social life, this means she comes home from school, does her homework, and is forced to stay in her room for hte night. Super strict, yes, but I can see the slippery slope she is on. I want to hammer this lesson in while it's still ok for her to get a D in a class.

So for now, I'm checking the notebook, double checking the online assignements, and we are in a holding pattern until this two week period is up. After that, we are going to implement a rewards system, where she can earn back the things she's lost (in addition to other fun things).

The thing is, I don't want to stress her out so badly that she completely withdraws and shuts down. I want to instill a feeling of pride in her when she does good work, so that she tries hard for her own benefit, kwim?

I do appreciate the feedback, and I just hope we find something that clicks with her soon!

Toni · Guru

Robin wrote:

Not a grade-school slacker here but I am also at my wit's end with Henry's schoolwork.

Strategizing some ways to help now. I'm in the process of scheduling a conference with Henry's teacher, and I've got a whole page of ideas regarding punishments/restrictions and rewards.

Some of these may be no-brainers to other people but we started these strategies yesterday:

-No friends over after school on school days.
-No TV until homework is finished (I'm failing on this one RIGHT NOW.*)
-Strict bedtime reinforcement. Henry's bedtime is 8:30 pm.
-No complaining about schoolwork or homework.
-No Mario or Zoo Tycoon until the grades improve.

I haven't matched rewards with successes yet--like what he earns for what but some of the rewards he'll get are:

-Have a friend for dinner and/or sleep over.
-Go to a movie.
-Get a projector. [I already bought one for his birthday but I'm going to let him earn it.]
-Stay up as late as he wants on a non-school night. [This one was Henry's idea.]
-Go to zoo camp for a week this summer.
-Choose what we have/where we go for dinner one night.
-Go to a sports event--high school bball game or something.
-Treasure from treasure box (bouncy balls, maybe a movie giftcard or something, silver dollars, ring pops, that type of stuff)

The things I want him to achieve:

-Go to bed on time for a week.
-Get no F's on his papers for a week.
-Get A's and B's on his interim/report cards
-Get better grades than the last time on his report card--last time was 2 C's, an A, and a B.

So different rewards for different things; still working on it.

Glen has already told me he doesn't agree with the "no friends on school days" rule. :eyeroll:

Robin, I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with Henry; I certainly understand!

I think those are all key ideas. We have tried to be more specific with it; I know you said AR has been tricky with him. One thing we found that worked beautifully with Danielle a couple years back was using a large posterboard of goals. For AR, we had 20 numbered circles. Each time she took an AR test, she got to fill in the appropriate # of circles for the points she received. The act of coming home and filling in circles, and seeing her get closer to her goal really spurred her into action. It was a small, immediate action that she could see. If she met her goal before the end of the quarter, she received her reward (which at the time, were things that had been taken away, lol, as well as being able to buy a Webkin, or something similar.)

In my experience, having a clear, acheivable goal is SO helpful to them. That's why I'm working on another incentive system. That goal chart (she was also using it for her timed math fact tests) was like a miracle drug, and gave her a sense of control, I think.

I am trying to think of something similar with this homework issue. So far, I'm drawing a blank, lol.

CoffeeQueen · Guru

Toni

Is she suffering socially at school and this is manifesting into her school work? I know you said she is intelligent. Does she get made fun of because of it? Is she depressed with moving? Was she like this last year?

Here is a site that may be worth reading
http://www.newsforparents.org/expert_motivate_kids_homework.html

May not be what others believe, but there are a few truths in there that I believe in.

You can not make your child learn. You cannot make him hold a certain attitude. You cannot make him move his pencil.

While you can not insist, you can assist. Concentrate on assisting by sending positive invitations. Invite and encourage you child using the ideas that follow.

Sounds really easy, eh,lol. I just often find there are always other reasons why kids are not doing the work.

Alicia · Senior Member

apies wrote:

ok, chiming in here from another teacher's perspective.

first of all, this situation will only get worse as she gets into high school, so kudos to you for trying to get a grip on it now.

what i cannot stand as a teacher is when parents expect ME to write the homework down OR remember to remind the kid to give me the agenda to sign. if the kid is doing it and giving it to me to initial, no problem. i check it and then initial. but honestly, the last couple of minute of class are SO nuts and 25 kids in there want 25 different things. if danielle is "forgetting," then the teacher may not remember until it's too late. eta: sorry this sounded so angry. i didn't mean that you were doing this or even that danielle is doing this. just explaining how this goes in MY class sometimes to see if perhaps that could be what's happening with danielle.

i know she's not in high school, but i agree with both you AND DH's ideas. i think that the positive reinforcements are key, but at the same time, when she screws up, there needs to be a consequence OUTSIDE of the grade because obviously the grade is not affecting her at this point. and the grades ARE important and can't be undone. kwim? i mean, when we're trying to teach our kids good manners so we positively reward them when they do it well, it doesn't really matter when they do it wrong because it's not "hurting" them, if that makes sense. but the bad grades DO hurt her and i do think there needs to be a consequence for when she drops the ball and doesn't manage her end of the responsibility (either by not getting the agenda signed, not doing the work or by lying about what work was supposed to be done).

one more suggestion i have is a weekly email to all of her teachers. i've recommended this to several of my parents and it has been working well for us (again hs, but maybe some would work for you guys). for the most part, the parents email us over the weekend so we have the emails monday morning. replying is ALWAYS manageable for me, while INITIATING an email is usually something i never get around to :bag: you can email all of her teachers (does she have more than 1? idek) and ask them for due dates for the week. i even attach documents to the reply when i send it so moms have them at home if kids claim they forgot them.

one parent i've been working with has this new policy. she checks his agenda when he gets home. if every teacher hasn't signed it, no tv or phone that night. on fridays, she emails the teachers. if he has any 0s from the week, he is not allowed out with his girlfriend that weekend. harsh? yes. but for some kids, getting the Fs is not enough to phase them and they become numb. numb at age 17 or 18 like some of the kids i teach right now means that they aren't graduating when june comes and it kills me.

i'm sorry that this is so long, but i feel so strongly about all of this. i hope you can find something that works for her, whatever that may be. :hug:

-- Edited by apies on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 08:42:05 PM

-- Edited by apies on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 08:43:27 PM

You're ok with doing this? I'm at the point of trying to figure out how involved I should be. He is so bad about writing things down and emailing his teacher would help. Three of his 5 teacher usually post on their website but the other 2 don't at all so it's hard for me to keep up with. I didn't know 9th grade would be this much work for me.LOL

apies · Guru

Alicia wrote:

apies wrote:

ok, chiming in here from another teacher's perspective.

first of all, this situation will only get worse as she gets into high school, so kudos to you for trying to get a grip on it now.

what i cannot stand as a teacher is when parents expect ME to write the homework down OR remember to remind the kid to give me the agenda to sign. if the kid is doing it and giving it to me to initial, no problem. i check it and then initial. but honestly, the last couple of minute of class are SO nuts and 25 kids in there want 25 different things. if danielle is "forgetting," then the teacher may not remember until it's too late. eta: sorry this sounded so angry. i didn't mean that you were doing this or even that danielle is doing this. just explaining how this goes in MY class sometimes to see if perhaps that could be what's happening with danielle.

i know she's not in high school, but i agree with both you AND DH's ideas. i think that the positive reinforcements are key, but at the same time, when she screws up, there needs to be a consequence OUTSIDE of the grade because obviously the grade is not affecting her at this point. and the grades ARE important and can't be undone. kwim? i mean, when we're trying to teach our kids good manners so we positively reward them when they do it well, it doesn't really matter when they do it wrong because it's not "hurting" them, if that makes sense. but the bad grades DO hurt her and i do think there needs to be a consequence for when she drops the ball and doesn't manage her end of the responsibility (either by not getting the agenda signed, not doing the work or by lying about what work was supposed to be done).

one more suggestion i have is a weekly email to all of her teachers. i've recommended this to several of my parents and it has been working well for us (again hs, but maybe some would work for you guys). for the most part, the parents email us over the weekend so we have the emails monday morning. replying is ALWAYS manageable for me, while INITIATING an email is usually something i never get around to :bag: you can email all of her teachers (does she have more than 1? idek) and ask them for due dates for the week. i even attach documents to the reply when i send it so moms have them at home if kids claim they forgot them.

one parent i've been working with has this new policy. she checks his agenda when he gets home. if every teacher hasn't signed it, no tv or phone that night. on fridays, she emails the teachers. if he has any 0s from the week, he is not allowed out with his girlfriend that weekend. harsh? yes. but for some kids, getting the Fs is not enough to phase them and they become numb. numb at age 17 or 18 like some of the kids i teach right now means that they aren't graduating when june comes and it kills me.

i'm sorry that this is so long, but i feel so strongly about all of this. i hope you can find something that works for her, whatever that may be. :hug:

-- Edited by apies on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 08:42:05 PM

-- Edited by apies on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 08:43:27 PM

You're ok with doing this? I'm at the point of trying to figure out how involved I should be. He is so bad about writing things down and emailing his teacher would help. Three of his 5 teacher usually post on their website but the other 2 don't at all so it's hard for me to keep up with. I didn't know 9th grade would be this much work for me.LOL

me, personally? yeah, i'm fine with that as long as the parent or student initiates the email. it takes me 2 minutes to reply to an email like this.

mctex · Guru

CoffeeQueen wrote:

Toni

Is she suffering socially at school and this is manifesting into her school work? I know you said she is intelligent. Does she get made fun of because of it? Is she depressed with moving? Was she like this last year?

Here is a site that may be worth reading
http://www.newsforparents.org/expert_motivate_kids_homework.html

May not be what others believe, but there are a few truths in there that I believe in.

You can not make your child learn. You cannot make him hold a certain attitude. You cannot make him move his pencil.
While you can not insist, you can assist. Concentrate on assisting by sending positive invitations. Invite and encourage you child using the ideas that follow.
Sounds really easy, eh,lol. I just often find there are always other reasons why kids are not doing the work.

That is a great link, Melissa. (Bookmarking it now for future use, LOL)

I really like this part:

Replace monetary and external rewards with encouraging verbal responses. End the practice of paying for grades and going on a special trip for ice cream. This style of bribery has only short term gains and does little to encourage children to develop a lifetime love of learning.

I feel like the best case scenario that comes from these external rewards scenarios is that kids learn to view school as a necessary evil to be endured to get what they want... which is very different than helping foster a love of learning.

I've never known an academic superstar who didn't love learning just for learning's sake... and I've known a TON of super smart people who didn't like school because it held some sort of negative or extraneous emotional connotation.

All of that said... Toni, no advice for you, unfortunately. Just selfishly grateful for the what will be BTDT moms we have on board for when I hit those years.

Robin · Guru

mctex wrote:

CoffeeQueen wrote:

Toni

Is she suffering socially at school and this is manifesting into her school work? I know you said she is intelligent. Does she get made fun of because of it? Is she depressed with moving? Was she like this last year?

Here is a site that may be worth reading
http://www.newsforparents.org/expert_motivate_kids_homework.html

May not be what others believe, but there are a few truths in there that I believe in.

You can not make your child learn. You cannot make him hold a certain attitude. You cannot make him move his pencil.
While you can not insist, you can assist. Concentrate on assisting by sending positive invitations. Invite and encourage you child using the ideas that follow.
Sounds really easy, eh,lol. I just often find there are always other reasons why kids are not doing the work.

That is a great link, Melissa. (Bookmarking it now for future use, LOL)

I really like this part:

Replace monetary and external rewards with encouraging verbal responses. End the practice of paying for grades and going on a special trip for ice cream. This style of bribery has only short term gains and does little to encourage children to develop a lifetime love of learning.

I feel like the best case scenario that comes from these external rewards scenarios is that kids learn to view school as a necessary evil to be endured to get what they want... which is very different than helping foster a love of learning.

I've never known an academic superstar who didn't love learning just for learning's sake... and I've known a TON of super smart people who didn't like school because it held some sort of negative or extraneous emotional connotation.

All of that said... Toni, no advice for you, unfortunately. Just selfishly grateful for the what will be BTDT moms we have on board for when I hit those years.

Re: Blue - How??? When I was a kid, it upset me if I didn't do well in school--not earth-shattering burst-into-tears upset, but it bothered me if I didn't make good grades.

Henry has no such inner feeling. How do you instill that?

mctex · Guru

Robin wrote:

mctex wrote:

CoffeeQueen wrote:

Toni

Is she suffering socially at school and this is manifesting into her school work? I know you said she is intelligent. Does she get made fun of because of it? Is she depressed with moving? Was she like this last year?

Here is a site that may be worth reading
http://www.newsforparents.org/expert_motivate_kids_homework.html

May not be what others believe, but there are a few truths in there that I believe in.

You can not make your child learn. You cannot make him hold a certain attitude. You cannot make him move his pencil.
While you can not insist, you can assist. Concentrate on assisting by sending positive invitations. Invite and encourage you child using the ideas that follow.
Sounds really easy, eh,lol. I just often find there are always other reasons why kids are not doing the work.

That is a great link, Melissa. (Bookmarking it now for future use, LOL)

I really like this part:

Replace monetary and external rewards with encouraging verbal responses. End the practice of paying for grades and going on a special trip for ice cream. This style of bribery has only short term gains and does little to encourage children to develop a lifetime love of learning.

I feel like the best case scenario that comes from these external rewards scenarios is that kids learn to view school as a necessary evil to be endured to get what they want... which is very different than helping foster a love of learning.

I've never known an academic superstar who didn't love learning just for learning's sake... and I've known a TON of super smart people who didn't like school because it held some sort of negative or extraneous emotional connotation.

All of that said... Toni, no advice for you, unfortunately. Just selfishly grateful for the what will be BTDT moms we have on board for when I hit those years.

Re: Blue - How??? When I was a kid, it upset me if I didn't do well in school--not earth-shattering burst-into-tears upset, but it bothered me if I didn't make good grades.

Henry has no such inner feeling. How do you instill that?

Honestly, Robin -- IHNFI. "They" say that we are all born with one, and that the problem is that the educational process takes it away from those of us who don't learn best in that particular environment, or who have developed an emotional connotation with school that is extraneous to learning itself.

I just did a quick google and came up with a few suggestions... there's quite a bit out there. One of the ideas that I did see that I liked was taking a field trip or doing a project that somehow ties the material being covered in the classroom to the child's known personal interests.

Obviously, this conversation is very easy for me to have in that my perspective is purely theoretical at this point... it will be interesting to see what my thoughts are when my kids are in elementary school... (LOL)

CoffeeQueen · Guru

mctex wrote:

Robin wrote:

mctex wrote:

CoffeeQueen wrote:

Toni

Is she suffering socially at school and this is manifesting into her school work? I know you said she is intelligent. Does she get made fun of because of it? Is she depressed with moving? Was she like this last year?

Here is a site that may be worth reading
http://www.newsforparents.org/expert_motivate_kids_homework.html

May not be what others believe, but there are a few truths in there that I believe in.

You can not make your child learn. You cannot make him hold a certain attitude. You cannot make him move his pencil.
While you can not insist, you can assist. Concentrate on assisting by sending positive invitations. Invite and encourage you child using the ideas that follow.
Sounds really easy, eh,lol. I just often find there are always other reasons why kids are not doing the work.

That is a great link, Melissa. (Bookmarking it now for future use, LOL)

I really like this part:

Replace monetary and external rewards with encouraging verbal responses. End the practice of paying for grades and going on a special trip for ice cream. This style of bribery has only short term gains and does little to encourage children to develop a lifetime love of learning.

I feel like the best case scenario that comes from these external rewards scenarios is that kids learn to view school as a necessary evil to be endured to get what they want... which is very different than helping foster a love of learning.

I've never known an academic superstar who didn't love learning just for learning's sake... and I've known a TON of super smart people who didn't like school because it held some sort of negative or extraneous emotional connotation.

All of that said... Toni, no advice for you, unfortunately. Just selfishly grateful for the what will be BTDT moms we have on board for when I hit those years.

Re: Blue - How??? When I was a kid, it upset me if I didn't do well in school--not earth-shattering burst-into-tears upset, but it bothered me if I didn't make good grades.

Henry has no such inner feeling. How do you instill that?

Honestly, Robin -- IHNFI. "They" say that we are all born with one, and that the problem is that the educational process takes it away from those of us who don't learn best in that particular environment, or who have developed an emotional connotation with school that is extraneous to learning itself.

I just did a quick google and came up with a few suggestions... there's quite a bit out there. One of the ideas that I did see that I liked was taking a field trip or doing a project that somehow ties the material being covered in the classroom to the child's known personal interests.

Obviously, this conversation is very easy for me to have in that my perspective is purely theoretical at this point... it will be interesting to see what my thoughts are when my kids are in elementary school... (LOL)

What Michelle said is very true. Many times children learn to hate school. All of the kids I see in the early school just love going to school and learning. They often hit a wall when they are trying to do something and not getting the results they want. I personally think the whole attitude on learning needs to be adjusted a bit. Schools need to educate the whole child and not just teach. That is a whole other issue and subject.

That said - if you look at all the people who have won noble peace prizes, CEO of companies, etc. They often did not do well in school per say. What it takes to think outside the box often does not fit into the box style of teaching that some children experience.

Like that one statement said is you cannot make them love school, but you can make them realize how much easier school would be if they stopped focusing on hating it, etc. Many times talking to a teacher to find out what they see in school can help connect the dots. If the teacher is good they will try to break through to the student in teach with creativity. We have one kid that cannot sit still and no matter what was done to try to get him to sit in class failed. The teacher finally realized that she was spending so much time on getting him settled and the child was learning nothing. She let him sit on the ground to work/read and just by adjusting that he started to regain interest in his work. Once he realized he was having fun again the whole issue of getting him to sit and concentrate disappeared.

Many times there are so many other factors why kids are struggling. It could be attention disorders, lack of sleep, social issues, etc. It is often not just because they hate school. It just does not interest them or there is something causing them to not be able to succeed.