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Lizzy


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Date: Dec 2, 2009
Survey finds parents agree fathers are replaceable
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story here

According to a survey published by the National Fatherhood Initiative, 66 percent of moms and 57 percent of dads say fathers are replaceable by other men. Most parents don't even think a man is necessary. Fifty-five percent of mothers and 53 percent of fathers say dads are replaceable by single moms doing both roles.

As a single mom who proudly celebrates Father's Day for herself, I have to say: Ladies, we have excelled to the point of our own detriment. Am I capable of being both mother and father? Sure, kind of, I guess. My daughter eats whether her father pays child support or not, so he doesn't. It's no problem for him at all really.

What's sad is that while so many parents feel women can replace men, most also feel fatherhood absence is a crisis in this country. (Ninety-three percent of moms and 91 percent of dad believe this, according to the study.)

The message for fathers is confusing: Your absence is a crisis in this country, yet you are replaceable and unnecessary. I don't envy dads at all. It's like the male version of the Madonna/whore complex that's been pestering women for centuries. Good luck with that one guys. Let us know what we can do to help. (No, seriously, let us know. Leave a comment below.)

The National Fatherhood Initiative survey was conducted online by the University of Texas Office of Survey Research. Over 1,500 mothers were asked their opinion about fatherhood, work-family balance and obstacles to good fathering. The survey was done as a companion to a separate 2006 study that gave fathers the same questions. You can read the complete report at www.fatherhood.org/mamasays. Other key findings of the survey include:

1. Married moms were happier with dads' performances than unmarried moms.

2. Married moms believe more in the power of marriage to help dad be the best he can be than moms who are cohabitating or separated from dad.

3. Dads of young children got better marks than dads of teens.

4. Closeness to children and work-family balance were the biggest predictors of mom's happiness with dad (after living arrangement).

5. Most moms said they could do a better job of work-family balance if dad provided more help.

6. Moms said that "work responsibilities" were the biggest obstacle to dad's success in fathering.

7. Strong religious values are beneficial to helping dads be better fathers.

8. Moms think communities of faith are the top place for dads to get fathering help.

9. Nonresident dads think they're doing a better job than the moms who co-parent with them.

10. African-American moms weren't as happy as white or other minority moms, but most of the difference can be explained by living situation or family structure.

11. New romantic relationship for dads equals less happy moms.

12. Moms who weren't living with the father of their children identified more and stronger obstacles to his ability to parent. 

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Jennie


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Date: Dec 2, 2009
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Where are they going with this?

And how wrong is it to say that they can be replaced? How would a mother feel if a survey like this were published stating that X% of fathers felt mothers were replaceable? Probably not gonna like it at all, I don't reckon.

The absence of fathers is a crisis but hey! they're replaceable. So what is it? Is it a crisis or not? Is it only a crisis until they are replaced?

I get that in some cases the replacement is better but there are so many fathers out there who are pushed out by the mothers who then lament the absence of a father to their peers and family...How jacked up is that? And my mother was one of them! For years and years I heard that my father didn't love me, he didn't want be in my life, he was a bum, blah blah blah. I grew up hating him b/c the truth was obscured from me. After I turned 19, I found him and got in touch with him to find that nothing I had ever been told by my mother was the truth. Every Christmas, every birthday he cried. And he wanted to be with us but my mother blocked him. Phone calls, cards...Things we never knew about. No. My father- the only father I'd ever had was my stepfather says my mother. blah blah blah
Years later there's the truth...He wanted us, he loved us, and he tried until he got sick. And then he couldn't try any more.
At his funeral, which I did attend- it was the first time in 10 years I'd seen the man-, every one came up to me and said they had heard so much about me and all he ever did since they had known him was talk about me...And how I was the apple of his eye.
That doesn't sound like a man who doesn't love me...


I found that one funny though- "11. New romantic relationship for dads equals less happy moms." Takes me back. LOL

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Lizzy


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Date: Dec 2, 2009
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Jennie wrote:

Where are they going with this?

And how wrong is it to say that they can be replaced? How would a mother feel if a survey like this were published stating that X% of fathers felt mothers were replaceable? Probably not gonna like it at all, I don't reckon.

The absence of fathers is a crisis but hey! they're replaceable. So what is it? Is it a crisis or not? Is it only a crisis until they are replaced?

I get that in some cases the replacement is better but there are so many fathers out there who are pushed out by the mothers who then lament the absence of a father to their peers and family...How jacked up is that? And my mother was one of them! For years and years I heard that my father didn't love me, he didn't want be in my life, he was a bum, blah blah blah. I grew up hating him b/c the truth was obscured from me. After I turned 19, I found him and got in touch with him to find that nothing I had ever been told by my mother was the truth. Every Christmas, every birthday he cried. And he wanted to be with us but my mother blocked him. Phone calls, cards...Things we never knew about. No. My father- the only father I'd ever had was my stepfather says my mother. blah blah blah
Years later there's the truth...He wanted us, he loved us, and he tried until he got sick. And then he couldn't try any more.
At his funeral, which I did attend- it was the first time in 10 years I'd seen the man-, every one came up to me and said they had heard so much about me and all he ever did since they had known him was talk about me...And how I was the apple of his eye.
That doesn't sound like a man who doesn't love me...


I found that one funny though- "11. New romantic relationship for dads equals less happy moms." Takes me back. LOL


Jennie....I didn't write this article...it is a cut and paste.  I just posted it b/c i found it interesting.  I don't feel this way.  While I agree that yes, a woman can raise a child by herself (I did it); I would have preferred to have had my child's father present and involved. 

 



-- Edited by Lizzy on Wednesday 2nd of December 2009 11:45:02 PM

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Jennie


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Date: Dec 3, 2009
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Lizzy wrote:

 

Jennie wrote:

Where are they going with this?

And how wrong is it to say that they can be replaced? How would a mother feel if a survey like this were published stating that X% of fathers felt mothers were replaceable? Probably not gonna like it at all, I don't reckon.

The absence of fathers is a crisis but hey! they're replaceable. So what is it? Is it a crisis or not? Is it only a crisis until they are replaced?

I get that in some cases the replacement is better but there are so many fathers out there who are pushed out by the mothers who then lament the absence of a father to their peers and family...How jacked up is that? And my mother was one of them! For years and years I heard that my father didn't love me, he didn't want be in my life, he was a bum, blah blah blah. I grew up hating him b/c the truth was obscured from me. After I turned 19, I found him and got in touch with him to find that nothing I had ever been told by my mother was the truth. Every Christmas, every birthday he cried. And he wanted to be with us but my mother blocked him. Phone calls, cards...Things we never knew about. No. My father- the only father I'd ever had was my stepfather says my mother. blah blah blah
Years later there's the truth...He wanted us, he loved us, and he tried until he got sick. And then he couldn't try any more.
At his funeral, which I did attend- it was the first time in 10 years I'd seen the man-, every one came up to me and said they had heard so much about me and all he ever did since they had known him was talk about me...And how I was the apple of his eye.
That doesn't sound like a man who doesn't love me...


I found that one funny though- "11. New romantic relationship for dads equals less happy moms." Takes me back. LOL


Jennie....I didn't write this article...it is a cut and paste.  I just posted it b/c i found it interesting.  I don't feel this way.  While I agree that yes, a woman can raise a child by herself (I did it); I would have preferred to have had my child's father present and involved. 

 



-- Edited by Lizzy on Wednesday 2nd of December 2009 11:45:02 PM

 



Oh! I know you didn't write it.

It just really boiled my blood for someone -anyone- to insinuate that a parent of any nature can be replaceable w/o be given a proper and right chance.

DH and I plan on going back and reading it together when we aren't knee deep in paint. biggrin


Its a sensitive issue for me being a child who went w/o a father and being married to a man w/ a child from a previous marriage that he is blocked from. But I know you didn't write it. I just wonder how many of those same women who took the survey and said a father is replaceable would like it if they found themselves replaceable...

 



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