liz,

i know you didn't ask for any input, but i will be the first to say that i have been extremely worried about you for a long time.

i think that your relationship (whether or not you love him) has completely devalued you. i think that you have lost such a huge part of who you are through your relationship with don and i really hope that these recent revelations (whether or not you leave him) will help you rediscover yourself and remind you of what an amazing woman you are.

oh liz, i'm so sorry it seems to be coming to this.
i know this has been a long standing issue with no resolution. 
when you say columbia, you mean NYC?
whatever you decide, we're here for you.  hang in there.

apies wrote:

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liz,

i know you didn't ask for any input, but i will be the first to say that i have been extremely worried about you for a long time.

i think that your relationship (whether or not you love him) has completely devalued you. i think that you have lost such a huge part of who you are through your relationship with don and i really hope that these recent revelations (whether or not you leave him) will help you rediscover yourself and remind you of what an amazing woman you are.

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-- Edited by Lizzy on Sunday 30th of May 2010 11:12:50 PM

decisions like this - there is no right or wrong, there is no good outcome or bad... it is just so hard.

Lizzy wrote:

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Tiffany wrote:

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No flames at all!  Only you know what is best for you and I applaud you for figuring it out now rather than stick around and making it worse for yourself.  I hope you two can find happiness down the road sometime.  How does Don feel about it all?

*hugs*

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thanks tiffany.  don is pretty upset about it, of course. and it is really hard on me because i don't want to purposely hurt him and i don't even have a plan yet of what i want to do - i just know what we have going on is not working.

 

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Of course both parties will be upset and its going to be hard, no question about that.  But its a step, it's in the open now so you both have time to analyze it and figure out what to do from this point on.  Keep us posted what you plan to do!  I agree you have much more to look for in life.... remember lifes too short and you need to do what you need to do to make yourself happy before you can make someone else happy :)

 

hugs Liz.

it is a hard decision to make. i am glad you are doing what you feel you need to do to move on ward and up ward in things you want to achieve.

many hugs, we are here for you.

Liz, you are a very brave and strong woman. And you deserve to make your life better for yourself and Ivy. Keep your head up and don't second guess yourself. :hugs

ITA with what everyone here has said. I applaud you for looking out for yourself and taking charge of your own happiness. You deserve to have every happiness in the world.

That said, I can only imagine how hard this is on all of you. But we are here for you every step of the way.

Lizzy wrote:

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CoffeeQueen wrote:

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Liz, I just want to echo what everyone else has said. You are a great women and I think you will find the right road to travel.

What does Don say? I mean I know he is upset, but did he have a response or anything to you bringing this up?

I will be thinking of you and we are here for you.

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he says what he always says and does, ie. he gets defensive and/or he acts like there is no problem (he doesn't acknowledge my unhappiness or my feelings at all) because that would mean he would have to take some responsibility for it, which he doesn't think he needs to, i guess.  we have talked about this "problem" and also, it is only a "problem" for me - he doesn't see anything wrong in our marriage and he is fine with the way things are between us.  

he is gone for a show tonight but when he gets home, i am going to talk to him about it all and maybe see if counseling will be an option.  It is all so painfully hard right now.  I do not want to leave, but I also know that I am on a downward spiral that is getting worse.  If nothing else, I am going to do counseling for my own sanity ;)

 

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Gosh, you are in such a hard place. I think counseling is the least he can give you. I understand a low sex drive, but I truly am shocked he thinks what you and him have on an intimate  level is ok. I agree counseling for you is good too. You  need to talk out your path with someone and making sure you are making decisions with a clear mind.

How would he respond to saying that there are two choices for you right now. That you can leave or he can go to counseling with you. What do you think he would say? I mean I know he gets defensive, but does he seem to at all see your pain or needs. I mean even if I hated sex or had no drive and my spouse was begging for a need to be met it would make me think or try something to make it happen?