i'm reading this thread like a hawk b/c this is definitely something i need to work on.

when i can keep my cool enough and they've done something "bad" enough, i walk them straight to time out, make them tell me what they did and then walk away from them. that gives me 2 or 4 minutes to calm down and be ready to talk rationally about it.

when they're "bad" enough, i can't keep my cool long enough to get them to time-out though, so that only works for moderate offenses.

:sigh:

I've gotten better at this.... I look at it this way if I yell or overreact, it will come right back to me.  So I've learned to stay calm or talk in a serious tone if its serious enough.  My kids tend to be very sensitive so that's all it really takes.  I notice if I yelled they will get over emotional.  Really, just look at it what you want it to be in the long run... I vowed to not yell at my kids and show too much emotion because they can easily sense it and it's not healthy all around.  So I've managed to work on it, not just for the kids but for myself.  I have to express it better or I'm just making myself all worked up when it will do nothing or make it worse.  Eh.  

I am a yeller who has been doing a GREAT job of not yelling in the past month. Mine has been hormonally driven for the most part-like Kelly, I have been dealing with PMDD symptoms for a while now. So sometimes I feel like I just can't stop myself.

Part of what has helped me is that I am on a supplement now called Femtrol, which is supposed to balance out my hormones and help me stay even keeled. I started it also because my cycles were a bit wacky, but I would be willing to bet it would be helpful for a lot of women regardless, or thereare probably plenty of other supplements out there to help with this sort of thing. They don't typically kick in right away, but they are generally safe, and can be a very effective tool to use in levelling moods.

But my kids still piss me off, lmao. I will say that I notice that the less I yell, the less they give me cause to, honestly, so that is helpful. But we still have lots of moments. My first line of defense is to walk away. Or get the offending child (Kate, most often) away from me. I know it sounds mean, but a few minutes of her in her room, or me in the basement or whatever really helps. It just gives me a minute or two to calm down and breath. Deep breathing is definitely key. Then when I approach the situation, I am better able to deal with it.

I'll give an example-recently Anna was really pissing Kate off. Anna has been pretty mean to her lately. I was in the kitchen getting thei lunch ready, so I was trying to ignore it, but had warned Anna. But then Anna didn't stop and Kate went OFF. She was out of control ridiculous. So I told her she needed to calm down, and it made it worse. She was pissing me off at this point (Anna was in time out for being mean, though IDT she cared), so I carried her up to her room and told her she needed to stay in there to calm down, andI left and latched the door. After a few minutes, she was more calm (though still yelling), and I had had a chance to sit and reflect on the incident. So I went back up, and explained to her that I understood that she was uset with Anna, but that when she acts that way, then SHE gets into trouble too, and the next time she can't work things out with Anna, to come find me. The end. In the past, I would have been yelling at both of them, and everyone would have ended up in tears. But walking away for a few minutes gives me perspective, and even though Kate will make a royal mess in her room, IDC. That is better than the alternative to me.

Another thing I have taken to doing is TELLING them that I a getting frustrated, and if they don't work out whatever issue they are having (most of the problems are them fighting-they fight CONSTANTLY-or Kate not wanting to do something), mommy is going to end up yelling at that, which no one wants me to do. That, surprisingly, has helped. I am sure it would only entice some kids though.

The best things for me are to find a way to stop myself and step out of the situation (not physically, necessarily, but mentally). My gut instinct is often to yell, but when I m able to STOP myself, I realize that the yelling doesn't help the problems and it just causes all of us more stress. Otherwise, offering them clear cut consequences and following through makes me feel less like yelling also. If I give them a choice (stop this behavior or X is going to happen-it is your choice), then I know if they keep it up, I can tell them, "I gave you the choice-you chose X. Maybe next time you will make a smarter decision." Not that they aren't yelling in my face or crying over it, but mentally, it allows me to put the ball in their court and just be there to enforce the sentence that they selected, lol.

I am rambling on and on, and IDK if any of this is helpful. But I would talk to someone at a local organic or health market to see if there are any supplements that would be right for you, focus on getting plenty of sleep and good nutrition for yourself so that you are at your best (exercise too!!), make sure they know the rules and the consequences and be ready to enforce those, and figure out a way to stop and get yourelf out of the situation for a minute or two before speaking, even if that means carrying a kicking and screaming child to a contained and safe place for a few.

Good luck! This is definitely a constant battle. But like you, Jenn, I don't want my kids to remember me as the mom who yells. And I don't like myself when I am doing it.