What made you "choose" your dh?

Robin · Guru

What made you "choose" your dh?

3s_a_crowd · Guru

Hmmm....

He was my best friend. Hes been there for me through thick and thin. When my heart had been broken, through major surgery, through getting discharged from the army. I know that when were 80 years old hell be there for me too.

I dated him because I wanted to try something different. I had dated the same type of guy over and over and it obviously wasnt working. so I agreed to date him for a change in pace (sounds bad doesnt it)

What helped me say yes was my 1 ct. solitaire. LOL. I knew that no matter what wed always be friends and I thought that was important for the times we didnt "feel" in loveI saw him as a guy who would be a great father, husband. etc and of course we were in love.

Whatever it was back then, Im glad I did. I couldnt imagine where Id be if I had married anyone else.

Robin · Guru

You may be wondering why I posted this thread. ;D Last night, I dreamed that I was out to dinner with Glen and some other people. This guy (big dumb jock) was sitting diagonally across from me and telling me that no one would have pictured me with someone like Glen. Glen was sitting right there across from him. The guy was really mean and rude, and I was really angry so I started telling him all the reasons that made me choose Glen for a husband.

I woke up, still feeling all indignant and defensive. My 20th h.s. reunion is next month, so that may have prompted the dream. It got me to thinking of the things I like about him.

CheleLyn · Senior Member

What were the qualities that separated him from your previous boyfriends?
well, I surely wasn't looking for someone. i was very pregnant and had finally left my kids' dad. the last thing i wanted was some man to come along. we met online...thanks to bff who actually found him online and pretended to be me for several weeks before telling me she'd been doing it! LOL so anyway, we chatted for a couple months before we met irl...by then though she had told him almost everything about me.

What made you want to date him in the first place?
i think looking back, the main thing was that when he spent the weekend the first time and slept over, he didnt want to have sex with me...which in a way i was like "wth is wrong with him...or me" but then it became a challenge to figure whyth he didnt want to sleep with me! LOL what was happening though was that i was actually getting into my first relationship---at 27 years old---that wasn't being built on sex...and it was exciting and scary at the same time, bc for all of my sexual life that was how it was done, we became friends AFTER. I was a very backwarsd person i guess (in some ways i still am). we moved in together less than 3 months after meeting irl. it also helped that he was being very supportive of the situation i was in.

What helped you decide to say yes when he asked you to marry him? Or prompted you to ask him?
he asked me to marry him about a year and a half later. we both had come out of pretty ugly marriages and had decided that we werent going to get married--why bother, marriage complicates everything. but then the night we left houston and moved to the town we live now, he told me to come outside and looka t the moon--it was full--and he just asked me to marry him all sweet like. i think what actually made me say yes though was that he said if i said yes it wouldnt be oficial til he asked my daddy for permission LOL i told him he didnt have to, after all i was divorced and had 3 kids , but he insisted. i tried to quickly come up with a reason to say no but i said yes before i could form a good argument in my head LOL
OH and it helped that keely absolutely ADORED him =)

eta to change font color =)

-- Edited by CheleLyn on Sunday 20th of September 2009 10:26:03 PM

Robin · Guru

I liked the way that Glen was a little nervous and shy around me and how he was self-conscious about his new glasses. (He got them right before I met him.) I haaaated gropey, touchy-feely guys--the ones who would put their hand on your thigh while they were driving you somewhere on your very first date. Or who assumed you wanted them to hump you if you went swimming. Ick, ick, ick.

I liked the way that he didn't automatically assume that we were a couple because I went somewhere with him once. And the way he waited until like our 3rd (or 4th?) date to kiss me and only then because I asked him if he was EVER going to kiss me.

I told him once it was important to me to marry someone who went to church so he started going to church with me.

We had a running joke about why I hadn't picked someone to marry, and I told him the right person hadn't applied for the job. [I met him when he interviewed me for a job.] So he typed up a resume and cover letter to be my husband. I made up a multiple-choice questionnaire with different questions about how he would react to different things--like a messy house or if I didn't feel like cooking dinner sometimes. He got most of the answers correct. I still have all of those documents.

He was silly and made me laugh.

3s_a_crowd · Guru

Robin wrote:

I liked the way that Glen was a little nervous and shy around me and how he was self-conscious about his new glasses. (He got them right before I met him.) I haaaated gropey, touchy-feely guys--the ones who would put their hand on your thigh while they were driving you somewhere on your very first date. Or who assumed you wanted them to hump you if you went swimming. Ick, ick, ick.

I liked the way that he didn't automatically assume that we were a couple because I went somewhere with him once. And the way he waited until like our 3rd (or 4th?) date to kiss me and only then because I asked him if he was EVER going to kiss me.

I told him once it was important to me to marry someone who went to church so he started going to church with me.

We had a running joke about why I hadn't picked someone to marry, and I told him the right person hadn't applied for the job. [I met him when he interviewed me for a job.] So he typed up a resume and cover letter to be my husband. I made up a multiple-choice questionnaire with different questions about how he would react to different things--like a messy house or if I didn't feel like cooking dinner sometimes. He got most of the answers correct. I still have all of those documents.

He was silly and made me laugh.

thats super cute.

Juanita · Guru

My cousin, Jenifer, set us up, and I just KNEW from the moment I met him. He was so suited for me, no other way around it.

He never actually officially proposed. He was working in Iowa, and we were on the phone. He said "We're getting married at the end of May. I said okay" That was that.

If you as him though, he'll say I proposed, lol. I was leaving his house one day on my way to work and I said "you know, we ought to get married", we had been talking about it before that, and he said "yes we should". To him, that was a proposal

sappy · Guru

Robin wrote:

What were the qualities that separated him from your previous boyfriends?

What made you want to date him in the first place?

What helped you decide to say yes when he asked you to marry him? Or prompted you to ask him?

my husband is kind. he's one of those men who is just kind to everyone. that seems like a small thing but it is HUGE to me. i can't even really explain it well - for example, he stopped and helped an older man with a flat tire on the side of the road because the man needed help and he could help. things like that.

and he is so patient. i am not, my family is not and previous boyfriends were not so i was thrilled & immediately in love with that about him.

i decided to date him because we met at a party, as a set up through a friend and he was so easy to talk to, so easy to be around, so smart.... and awfully handsome wink

he went back home to ohio the next day and within a week we were talking on the phone for crazy lengths of time (like 6 hours at night). i knew within a week that i would marry him. of course i didn't tell him that - we got married 2.5 years after we met.

he was so great with jake too which was obviously SO important. i still feel really, really lucky to have found him. we've had our ups and downs (as you all know!) but looking back i can see that we had REALLY hard times for about a year after each baby was born. and right now is the BEST time in our relationship. we've been together 9 years next month and it's better than ever.

Cuppycake · Guru

Joe was honest. Almost to a fault, but I'd never been around someone, and had definately never dated anyone that was so upfront and bold. He was much wittier and hysterical than anyone I'd dated before, and that's probably my favorite quality he has. I always dated the funny guys, but Joe's wit is so dry... it's hard to explain. He makes me laugh. Hard.

My sister worked for his dad and they set us up. They thought we'd be perfect together, although I doubt with us being 16, they really thought it'd be THAT perfect. I didn't get his dry wit at first, and he came off like a huge cocky azzhole. That was my weakness at the time, so it was probably the initial reason I dated him, lmao.

I knew from early on that we'd get married, so when he asked I was totally ready. We hid it for a long time though, because we were (really) young.

sbucking · Guru

Well....When I met Mark I was still technically with my boyfriend, but he had been treating me horribly and wanted to see other people so...

Mark was pretty much the polar opposite of my current boyfriend, which was what I needed at the time. Now, that may not have been the best choice for me as the BF had the traits I really did want.

Don't get me wrong Mark is great. He is kind. He always helps others. Works ridiculously hard for our family. Loves the kids and me with all he's got. It's just the temper and being reserved when he's angry/grumpy traits (that I never really saw before we got married) that I've learned to live with.

FoxyRoxy · Guru

What were the qualities that separated him from your previous boyfriends?

He made me laugh. We met during an audition for a play and I got to play a woman that had to seduce him (i guess i did it right). He became my friend.

What made you want to date him in the first place?

He took me serious for the first day and he made me laugh...

What helped you decide to say yes when he asked you to marry him? Or prompted you to ask him?

I just knew he was the best thing for me. I still had three more years to go in college yet he went up to my dad and said he wanted to marry me. We talk about our kids names, where we were going to be. I guess it just seem natural to spend our lives together.

muffy · Guru

i first very briefly met him in a bar and though he was an ass. (he had made a rude comment to me)

about 6 months later, my BFF and her new boyfriend hooked me up on a blind date with the guy who was "perfect" for me.

turned out to be bert again.

i initially said no way. but bert was really keen, so i agreed to give it a try.

the only way i can describe was that the attraction was so strong and we clicked so far and somewhat furiously. we were inseparable for the first month.

then i had to go back to america for a month, my dad was having open heart surgery at beginning of december, and i had planned this trip until over the christmas holidays.

i remember bert taking me to the airport and me sobbing the entire first flight so not wanting to be away from him.

once i was at home, my mom was lhao because she said i walked around the house with the phone in my hand waiting for him to call me.

we talked for hours and hours a day - towards christmastime it was like 10 times a day.

so interesting to build a relationship with a break in physical contact.

he told me he loved me over the phone, and the day i flew back i moved in with him and we got engaged. so we had a 2 month courtship.

my mom made me wait a year for the actual marriage. lol.

it just was so meant to be....

Supafly · Guru

Robin-that resume is so awesome!!!

Well, initially,I was justdrawn to Bill. Iknew the moment I met him that he was the one I wanted, when I was 17 years old,lol. Once he and I actuallygot together and I got to know him, I think what I was attracted to most about him is no nonsense personality. I know-uber exciting,right??? But every guy I had beenserious with in thepast was reallyromantic-expressing their undying love almost from the start, buying me things,etc. But that same intense romance thing came with personality traits that I could not live with; jealousy, expectations of reciprocation, instability,drama,etc. In the end,allof those guys let me down. And incidentally,they were all a lot like myfather. Bill isn't like my dad-thank God.

I think the fact that he was stand offish made me feel like he was a challenge too,lmao. Back in those days-mypre-blubber days, lmao-I never had to work for male attention. I thought it would be fun. Turns out Bill was easy too, lol.

There was never a question that I would say yes. We had been dating for 2.5 years when he proposed, and I was more than ready.

Dddiii · Guru

Robin wrote:

What were the qualities that separated him from your previous boyfriends?

What made you want to date him in the first place?

What helped you decide to say yes when he asked you to marry him? Or prompted you to ask him?

Robin~ I

the resume story! How sweet is that?!!

Mike was/is so down to earth and so easy to talk to. One of the biggest things is that he was the first guy I had dated who made me forget about my ex. No comparison. He also has always loved me and respected me, just the way I am.

I was instantly attracted to him but he was so nervous around me that I ended up having to ask him if he was ever going to kiss me. biggrin

Not something anyone who really knows me would ever imagine coming out of my mouth!

There was no question about saying yes when he asked me to marry him. We had been dating for 6 years so it was time already!

Great question Robin. Thanks for this. smile

Lizzy · Guru

Robin wrote:

What were the qualities that separated him from your previous boyfriends?

What made you want to date him in the first place?

What helped you decide to say yes when he asked you to marry him? Or prompted you to ask him?

interesting topic!

I was going through a difficult time (I was crushing on a guy that was "not that into me" lmao and once that was an official dead end...I started to feel really low about myself.

I was talking to don online through instant messenger and we would im for hours at night. (I started to plan my time around those chats so I sorta knew something was happening). I went on a 'date" with an old boyfriend and throughout the entire night I just couldn't wait to get home to log on and chat w/ don. that was my first clue ;) that this was something serious.

I was really really nervous about meeting in person (so afraid he would not like me irl) - he asked me out numerous times and I always turned him down (not sure what I was thinking). but finally one night right after christmas I just blurted out "so where were we?" "oh...we were going to meet at walmart on new year's eve" lol (walmart is an "inside joke"). and that got the ball rolling. we did meet on new year's eve (just not at walmart) :)

he made me feel so special and important and I felt like he really understood me - I literally spilled my entire life story and when he didn't run, I knew he was a keeper ;)

I really admire him and like him as a person...if we were not romantic, I would still want to be friends with him or know him (he is an awesome person). he is soooo talented and I absolutely adore him

LucsMama · Senior Member

Well I think I dated pretty great guys before and I think DH is too so for me what did it for me as CHEESY as it might sound is he is an awesome Kisser.

When we were dating, him just kissing me would leave me almost breathless and make me feel like I had butterflies flying around in my tummy. I even had "flutter" engraved on the inside of his wedding band for that reason.

We've been married for 8 years and when we take the time to really kiss (not a quick peck) I still get that breathless/ butterfly feeling.

a_mastermom · Guru

Good topic - my 12 year anniversary is next week and we have actually been together for 21 years total. My goodness, that does not seem possible.

I met DH when I was 15. He was my second boyfriend and my first true love. We were high school sweethearts, were off and on through college, and got back together for good when I was a college senior. We were infatuated with each other - long phone conversations, make-out sessions, fun teenage stuff!

To be honest, we are polar opposites, which doesn't necessarily make for the easiest of marriages. He is laid back, always late, extremely patient, and a social butterfly, lol. I am super stressed, totally punctual, have zero patience, and a bit more reserved in social situations. He likes beer, I like wine, lol! You get the picture...we bicker all the time, and have had our rough patches, but are destined to grow old together.

After dating for a total of 9 years, it was definitely time to get married, although he'll tell you I gave him an ultimatum - not true!

Jayna · Member

This is a great question!!

My number 1 reason is that I knew he would be a GREAT father, and I was right. He is 100% devoted to my girls.

And, he had a big penis.

Juni · Guru

Wow. Weird timing. This is really something I have been thinking about lately because so many of the reasons I chose my husband are now things that are lacking. I don't know how else to put it.

Our faith was probably number one. We shared the same faith (LDS), both wanted to get married in the temple, raise our kids in the church, etc. We are going through a lot right now. I haven't really said anything. He no longer believes in God, and there is a lot of emotions and feelings tied in to his choice not to attend church anymore, and not believe in God. (I know this was not the point of the post but this is where I went with it, sorry!) I'm having a hard time accepting that our future is not the same future we planned/agreed on.

In any event - when I met DH I was somewhat involved with someone else. In our church most guys go on a mission around 19 years old and at that time my "missionary" was away in a different country. We only communicated through letters and we weren't going to see each other for two years. Most people end up breaking up, but at the time I told people I had a boyfriend. Made it easier. However, the attraction between Doug and I was so strong. I liked him immediately and very much. I fell in love with him very quickly. He is hilarious - funniest person I know by a long shot. He made me laugh, always complimented me, was caring and gentle. (He still is ALL of those things without a doubt.)

The thing is - my "missionary" was wonderful too. There wasn't anything wrong with him and in fact, we were a lot more alike than Doug and I are. But the thing was, for whatever reason, I could be myself with Doug more than I could with the other guy. I wasn't embarrassed about anything around him, I could just be me and that was the neatest thing. Maybe it was because I didn't think we'd ever be anything more than a fling and I felt like I had nothing to lose but it was really cool. I still feel that way around him. The fact that we weren't super similar (as far as likes/tastes, etc.) was nice too because I was exposed to different things and learned to like things I otherwise would have never learned about.

So, yeah. I would change my decision even though things are tough right now but it is hard to look back and see that some of the hugest reasons I "chose" him don't really exist anymore.

Lizzy · Guru

Juni wrote:

-- Edited by Lizzy on Monday 21st of September 2009 06:01:54 PM