I was wondering how others handle the whole toy issue with siblings. Allie is 3.5 years older then Mia. She never played with her so called baby toys and now that I am pulling them out for Mia she wants them again and is pissed that I am giving them to Mia. She remembers them all.
Then it got me to thinking of down the road. Do I buy the same things I already have for Allie for Mia? Allie has a kitchen in her room. If I take it out and make them share it seems wrong.
How do others work the whole toy things and siblings?
It is different for us since mine are 16 months apart, but of course we have issues with toys all.the.time. We still had baby toys out when Kate was born, so that wasn't an issue in the same way, but I would just tell Allie that you bought those toys not just for her, but for all of the babies in your house. When she was the baby, she played with them, and now that she has a baby sister, Mia gets to play with them. I would tell her it is ok to play with them too, but it isn't ok to take them from Mia and that one of her jobs as a big sister is to share and help her sister learn to play with these toys.
We don't have many toys in their rooms. I am not a huge fan of lots of toys in the room, thus we just never did much of that. However, now that they are older, Anna has her dollhouse in her room, and Kate has all of the dress up stuff in her room.
We have a sharing policy of sharing ALL toys in this house, regardless of whose it is. There are a few exceptions (basically their few fave/comfort items), but otherwise, if you aren't playing with it, your sister can. Kate is allowed to play with Anna's dollhouse and Anna is allowed to go in and play with the dress up stuff. If one or the other of them *needs* time alone for some reason, they can certainly have that, but it is definitely an open door policy during waking hours here.
Obviously you aren't going to buy another kitchen. I would either begin an open door policy about it, or see if you could replace the kitchen in her room with another older child friendly toy, and tell her that since there isn't room for the kitchen anymore in her room, you will put it in a common area.
I definitely think the larger gap in age will make this a bit more challenging. Anna was not at an age where she had had her things for a long time on her own and they were established as hers. But they know who every toy belongs to-they are very good at keeping track. When Kate started getting mobile is when the fights started between them, and Anna got uber possessive. It is hard because you understand that the older child wants their own stuff, but the younger child doesn't know how to share or the concept of ownership, unless you count possession as ownership, lmao.
IHNI if any of this is helpful in the least bit. My girls fight over toys everyday all day, but I ignore it as much as possible and make them work it out (I provide dialogue and guidance when needed-Anna has picked up the language pretty well and we are working on that with Kate). They know my policy is that they need to share/work it out or I take the item in question. However, Kate is almost 3, so it is obviously very different, lol.
welcome to the wonderful world of being the toy referee!! :)
you might as well get yourself a striped uniform now because this is how you will spend the vast majority of your day from here on out. if it were me, i wouldn't buy a 2nd kitchen, especially b/c i think what you will find out once mia is a little older is that they will probably want to spend most of their time playing in eachother's room anyhow. at our house, they both like the train table, but there is no way in he** i would get another one--it was connor's 2nd bday gift so it is in his room, but he is expected to share it and not hoard the trains if his sister wants to play.
of course, if we are out and about and i let them get a treat (like those $5 stuffed animals at kohl's) they each get their own, but as far as big toys we just think part of being a sibling means sharing. i am sure mia will get things as she gets older for bdays and whatnot that allie wants to play with as well, so it won't always be her stuck sharing, kwim??
welcome to the wonderful world of being the toy referee!! :)
you might as well get yourself a striped uniform now because this is how you will spend the vast majority of your day from here on out. if it were me, i wouldn't buy a 2nd kitchen, especially b/c i think what you will find out once mia is a little older is that they will probably want to spend most of their time playing in eachother's room anyhow. at our house, they both like the train table, but there is no way in he** i would get another one--it was connor's 2nd bday gift so it is in his room, but he is expected to share it and not hoard the trains if his sister wants to play.
of course, if we are out and about and i let them get a treat (like those $5 stuffed animals at kohl's) they each get their own, but as far as big toys we just think part of being a sibling means sharing. i am sure mia will get things as she gets older for bdays and whatnot that allie wants to play with as well, so it won't always be her stuck sharing, kwim??
this is how it is here too. i got C an elmo doll for $7 and R is now dying for it. i'll just get her one next time i'm in the drugstore.
big stuff? no way. they have to share. corey's right, they end up playing in one room anyway. i have most of the shared items in the playroom, but R has a dollhouse in her room and has no prob sharing it with C. my kids fight over toys a lot, but they are pretty good abotu sharing the bigger stuff and playing together with it.
i am SO OVER the fighting at my house. my kids argue and fight over EVERYTHING.
emily especially struggles with anything that has been defined as "hers." if jake finds something that is "hers" that she hasn't played with in MONTHS, she is hysterical b/c jake "took her stuff." such a pita.
i don't think it's wrong to make them share stuff. just because it started as allie's doesn't mean that mia doesn't get to play with it now. that's part of having a sibling - they come along and you have to share.
personally, i would keep as much of the bigger stuff in a common area if they play in their rooms.
and as far as the baby stuff is concerned, i would probably say something along the lines of "yeah, all this was yours when you were a baby. how cool that you're such a big girl now and have new stuff! mia gets to play with the baby stuff since she's the baby, but lets go play with XYZ big girl toy right now!" i think if you can put a spin on it that the big girl stuff is the cool stuff, maybe she'll buy it?
I am so sick of fighting over toys in this house too.
If they are baby toys I would just tell Allie they are now Mia's and they were bought for all babies in the house to play with. Since there is such a larger age gap than my girls I'm sure there are a lot of toys right now that is not appropriate for Mia to play with and you can tell Allie that those are her toys. Allie is such a smart little girl - just tell her that baby toys come with an age to play with them and she is past that age just like Mia isn't the right age to play with her Pet Shop toys, etc.
We keep our play kitchen and table in Lauren's room b/c it is the bigger room but she understands it is to be shared. My girls are so close in age that the rule is all toys must be shared with the exception of certain dolls/stuffed animals that they are especially attached to and sleep with. Despite having an insane amount of toys they fight over what each other has 24/7 and I often buy 2 of the same toys if it isn't over $10.
We had that problem with baby toys too though Gavin was a lot younger and honestly didn't understand because it really wasn't SUPER long ago that he was playing with them. But for us it just worked out that Gavin played with them again, realized they were "baby" toys and gave them to Owen. Once it was his decision and he knew that he could play with them when he wanted to it wasn't a huge deal.
Basically, everything they have they have to share. There isn't really anything that is just theirs except for the pop up books which Owen destroys. But Gavin leaves them down and Owen destroys them so while we try to keep them away from Owen it's not really because they are Gavin's only, kwim?
They are so close in age, likes, etc. and they share a room so everything is community property. I agree, anything big is meant to be shared. The one thing that was Gavin's was his lovey - mumbles stuffed animal. He actually ended up giving it to Owen when Owen fell in love with Happy Feet and that was really sweet, and sad. Owen decided to pay it forward and give it to the dog when he tired of it so now Mumbles is blind and mommy is sad but such is life in this household.
They definitely fight over toys but it is not so much because it is theirs but more that they want it right now! We are lucky - they like the same things so they will get transformers and they generally share and give back and forth but the fights come when they both want the same one at the same time. The thing is, they both usually want it just because the other wants it, which is so stupid but very typical and age appropriate.
Now they are into Toy Story so one is getting buzz for christmas and the other woody. They usually just go back and forth playing with them though so I'm not too worried about it. I think we actually have it easier because they are closer in age and I don't think Gavin even remembers what it's like to not have someone stealing toys from him or having toys that are just for him.
I am so sick of fighting over toys in this house too.
If they are baby toys I would just tell Allie they are now Mia's and they were bought for all babies in the house to play with. Since there is such a larger age gap than my girls I'm sure there are a lot of toys right now that is not appropriate for Mia to play with and you can tell Allie that those are her toys. Allie is such a smart little girl - just tell her that baby toys come with an age to play with them and she is past that age just like Mia isn't the right age to play with her Pet Shop toys, etc.
We keep our play kitchen and table in Lauren's room b/c it is the bigger room but she understands it is to be shared. My girls are so close in age that the rule is all toys must be shared with the exception of certain dolls/stuffed animals that they are especially attached to and sleep with. Despite having an insane amount of toys they fight over what each other has 24/7 and I often buy 2 of the same toys if it isn't over $10.
Looks like we are of the same mind on this, Michele! And I do the same-if it isn't expensive or for someone's birthday or something, we get two also. Two of those microphones from Target that echo (yeah-that was a really wise purchase, lmao), two ariel dolls, two play purses, etc. With some things it just isn't worth the fighting. They still fight over whose is whose, even when the toys are IDENTICAL, lol!!!
