I'm curious how you would describe your parenting style. Lenient? Submissive? Strict? Explosive? Calm? Consistent? Tolerant?
I think I'm fairly tolerant on most issues. I appreciate the need for kids to have fun and get dirty. But I'm also strict in certain areas. I try not to allow disrespect or outright defiance. I also cannot stand when my kids maliciously hurt each other, me, or the dog.
I just got to wondering today when we were at the McDonald's playplace. Two elderly women came into the restaurant with 3 little boys--all older than Mark, probably not as old as Henry. The boys started screaming like banshees as they climbed through the playset thingy, then two of them started wrestling with each other in the middle of the floor, pushing and pulling at each other, then they had a race to see who could climb up the OUTSIDE of the playset the fastest. The two women who had brought them completely ignored their behavior. When one of the kids slipped from a part of the OUTSIDE of the playset and went "bang, boom, bang" down some steps, one of them got up to see if he was okay. He was, thank goodness.
I was wondering if maybe I was being too picky. I tried to think what those women could be thinking. Perhaps they just thought boys would be boys, and that it was fine for them to act like that. Maybe they were just worn out from having their grandchildren all day (or all week or whatever) and didn't care what they did. ?? If my children were acting like that, I'd have snatched them up out of that playplace so fast they wouldn't know what hit them. And we wouldn't go back.
Well, I guess I am mean right with you then, Robin, lol.
I am pretty strict. But not with everything. We actually have a pretty high volume in this house, but I know I have a loud speaking voice, and I am not adverse to hollering up the steps to get them to come down, so I can't really get upset at them for hollering down the steps for something they need from me.
Like you, I have no tolerance for them being malicious to others, though thankfully that really isn't an issue. Anna told Kate this evening she didn't love her because she swipes her toys, and I told her that was not a nice thing to say and tried to explain why, but she wasn't being mean about it-and that is about as mean as she gets, thank goodness.
I also expect good manners. I know many people don't care, but I strongly feel that a good first impression goes a long way. My mom used to joke with me that that was speech #1 (out of many); "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." But I think it is so true. So I have high expectations about that.
But I want them to be kids and have fun and run around and yell and get dirty-just outside.
We live with a schedule here, and that is important to me also. It isn't written in stone, but we live by it pretty much everyday, and I think it keeps things running somewhat smoothly.
I try to be pretty strict on manners and how we treat others. I am constantly on them to get along with one another, b/c here at home is where they learn all that relational stuff. I try not to be a yeller, but I've found this summer since I've been home, my patience has been tried more than it has been in a long time. I am big on showing the kids how to express themselves w/o whining, yelling, crying or fussing...with three girls, not always the easiest :)...AND to tell you the truth, the 14 year old boy does his fair share of moaning and groaning about things.
I would not have tolerated the playplace behavior you mentioned, Robin. I HATE it when we're out and I see people (especially with big kids) who don't reprimand their children for misbehavior. I've been known to stare down a parent or two at the play area at the mall because their child is too big for the play area or too rambunctious and is hurting others. I'm really conscious about my kids watching out for others when we're out in public b/c I hate it when parents just let their kids do whatever and act however in stores or at the park/playground.
Shawnda
-- Edited by Chica650 on Saturday 8th of August 2009 06:04:44 AM
I tend to be tolerant except where it matters, if not makes sense.
Meaning I won't yell at Ethan over unimportant stuff just because. If he wants to sit on the floor in a restaurant with his cars, and he's out of the way, then fine. But if he's going to run around screaming he gets in trouble.
I think this works for us because Ethan knows if I'm upset, there is a reason and he better shape up or deal with the consequences. EJ is much the opposite. He tends to get mad about stupid things and not follow through and Ethan knows this and takes full advantage of the situation.
Supa, I'm all for manners: please, thank you, excuse me. One of the things I struggle with is Ethan is pretty shy at first. So he won't say hi to people or talk to adults asking him questions until he has time to warm up. I feel like I'm constantly explaining, he's shy, he'll come to you when he's ready because I don't want them to interpret it as rude. But I can't force him out of his shell and I know as he gets older, he'll overcome it. I was the same way as a kid.
My kids would never act like that and if they did I would step in and do something about it. It depends and I can't use one word to describe it. I'm very strict when it comes to respect. None of my kids will ever talk back to another adult with teachers coming in second(after parents) of utmost importance. For the most part I would say I'm very relaxed about parenting.
Robin, I'm the same way. I want Mason to have fun, but there are many ways to do that without risking bodily injury to himself or someone else, and without being inconsiderate to others by screaming. I give him ample opportunity to let off steam, but I think that learning to respect others is crucial.
And he is SO sweet. Last night he got in trouble because he opened the playdoh after I told him not to because it was almost time for bed. It wasn't a big deal, and he didn't get punished, just reprimanded for not listening. He was over it in like a minute. But this morning, the very first thing he said was "I'm sorry I opened the playdoh." Either I've done something right and he's really sweet, or I've done something horribly wrong and he has a misplaced guilty conscience!
I tend to be tolerant except where it matters, if not makes sense.
Meaning I won't yell at Ethan over unimportant stuff just because. If he wants to sit on the floor in a restaurant with his cars, and he's out of the way, then fine. But if he's going to run around screaming he gets in trouble.
I think this works for us because Ethan knows if I'm upset, there is a reason and he better shape up or deal with the consequences. EJ is much the opposite. He tends to get mad about stupid things and not follow through and Ethan knows this and takes full advantage of the situation.
Supa, I'm all for manners: please, thank you, excuse me. One of the things I struggle with is Ethan is pretty shy at first. So he won't say hi to people or talk to adults asking him questions until he has time to warm up. I feel like I'm constantly explaining, he's shy, he'll come to you when he's ready because I don't want them to interpret it as rude. But I can't force him out of his shell and I know as he gets older, he'll overcome it. I was the same way as a kid.
Slick, ITU about the shyness. It is so tough!!! Anna especially is so so shy with new people. I don't want them to feel uncomfortable, but I don't feel like it is ok to ignore people either. So I actually do force them to say hi to people. They have gotten pretty ok about it-they still don't say hi on their own to many people, but they don't mind doing so when I ask them to, kwim? And we have such a large family that when I tell them to say goodbye and give kisses (like they do with family members), they will kiss every person in the room, lmao. It is pretty funny. But if someone says hi to them, I always tell them (in a sing songy way), "Go ahead and say hi!" If they don't do it, I lean over to them and tell them that it it is nice to say hello to others, and they don't have to say anything else after that. But even then, with some people, i feel the need to explain that they are just shy with new people. But then I feel like people should know that and I shouldn't have to explain, lol.
Oh, and my girls run all over Bill, lmao. He is such a softie with them about so many things!!! I don't think he really cares though-he figures at some point I will step in and take charge of the situation...thanks honey.
high-five on the shy thing - this is an issue here too. i dont force the issue - she gets upset and it's not worth it to me.
i'm a pretty strict parent, i think. i go to bed every night thinking i should have been more mellow. that said, i just got back from a week with my mom and she was like "wow you never say no" -- so....who knows. i think my kids know what to expect from me, and they know who i am and where i stand, so...i guess that's all i can do now. and i'm working on the "explosive" part. :)
I tend to be tolerant except where it matters, if not makes sense.
Meaning I won't yell at Ethan over unimportant stuff just because. If he wants to sit on the floor in a restaurant with his cars, and he's out of the way, then fine. But if he's going to run around screaming he gets in trouble.
I think this works for us because Ethan knows if I'm upset, there is a reason and he better shape up or deal with the consequences. EJ is much the opposite. He tends to get mad about stupid things and not follow through and Ethan knows this and takes full advantage of the situation.
Supa, I'm all for manners: please, thank you, excuse me. One of the things I struggle with is Ethan is pretty shy at first. So he won't say hi to people or talk to adults asking him questions until he has time to warm up. I feel like I'm constantly explaining, he's shy, he'll come to you when he's ready because I don't want them to interpret it as rude. But I can't force him out of his shell and I know as he gets older, he'll overcome it. I was the same way as a kid.
I'm sure there are some adults who think Raven is rude but some don't respect a child's personal space either. Some adults act like kids don't need respect. It takes time for Raven to warm up to someone so obviously that isn't going happen with strangers(not that I want it either). We have been here over a week now and she is warming up to our next door neighbor. Not talking to them yet but not putting on her sour face either. It helps that they have a dog.
My children would be considered the banchees probably. They run around playplace yelling at the top of their lungs. That is why I brought them to playplace, I sure as heck didn't want that kind of energy at home.
That said, they don't behave over the line. They never (EVER) bully, push, etc . They do not climb up the slide (pet peeve) or on the outside. They do not climb on anything they are not supposed to.
Do they act wild within those parameters, absolutely. Do I worry about interupting someones dinner, nope. I'm not at any resteraunt that I feel warrants my intervention. It bugs me when people look annoyed with kids being loud in playplace. In Maine, In the winter, it is all we've got.
Robin, you've been around me and my kids, so you know how they are
I'm tolerant and strict all at the same time. I can't stand it when kids run wild and parents just sit there and watch and do NOTHING! Not only is it rude, it's unsafe! Other kids can get hurt, as well as the wild kids and I just don't understand it.
Alison, SG is the same way. She will aplogize after she's done something like that, even the next day. Super sweet :heart
I don't punish them for nothing, but I DO expect them to mind me when I tell them something, no matter what it is.
Well, when I am super stressed I will admit that I yell too much. But in general I think my parenting style is pretty lax but not when it comes to certain things. I do not tolerate then being rude or physically hurting each other or others. I hate hate hate when Owen will do something to my mom and she'll just brush it off and say "it's okay, he didn't really mean it." I don't care, it's not okay, and I don't allow it.
I can't think of something specific but throwing something down, hitting, that kind of thing. Immediate time out. Luckily, my kids tend to do really well with time out so ti works for us.
Re: the shy thing. This is Gavin too. People will talk to him and he looks at them with this expression like he has no idea what they are saying. I never make him say hi or talk if he doesn't want to, but I also never say he is "shy." I just don't want to label him. I tend to say he's tired (if he is) but mostly I just say - he's slow to warm up - he'll talk to you when he knows you a little better. I feel like saying he is slow to warm up is better than just saying shy but ihni really.
